Le Mixeur

Le Mixeur Sharky Menu - Evan Martin, Down At The Dinghy

2012-01-31T14:51:00.000-08:00

Before we get into a little blurb about Mr. Evan Martin and his drink contribution, "Down At The Dinghy," just a quick note to announce that Le Mixeur Sharky: Nine Stories, is now an international, multi-pronged event. At this point, no fewer than five bars around the world will be hosting Le Mixeur Sharkies on the night of March 11th, with more to join in. Additionally, we are in talks with other bars to do a Le Mixeur Sharky on different dates, which is less fun but also more practical. The point of these sibling events will be to raise awareness of autism, and to raise money for autism advocacy groups in the local areas of the bars in which the events are held. If you'd like to participate in this with us, please contact me at ted(at)leftcoastlibations(dot)com.

OK SO GET ON WITH THE FUCKING BIO ALREADY

Evan Martin, winner of the prize for first recipe submitted, is the bar manager of Ba Bar, a Vietnamese-influenced cafe and bar on 12th and Cherry in Seattle, the booming little neighborhood where the lines between Capitol Hill and the Central District bend and twist into a vortex flow of tipsy delights. Ba Bar opened last summer just a few blocks away from where Canon now sits, and a few blocks more from Tavern Law and Barrio.

Beware the Ba Bar to Barrio Booze Bustle...Beware the Ba Bar to Barrio Booze Bustle...

Evan came of age as a bartender at Naga in Bellevue, WA. I don't want to say Evan started bartending young, but when he was first starting, the customers at Naga would often point to Naga's then-bar manager Andrew Bohrer and say to Evan, "hey kid, can you tell your dad I'm ready for another Grey Goose chilled?"

Andrew eventually became disgruntled with the unrelenting ageism and left Naga, at which point Evan assumed control of the bar. And let me just add, it feels good to be making up stories about bartenders again.

Evan also works for Novo Fogo Cachaca. He does ambassadorial type of stuff. I don't know what his title is. What do you expect me to do, research this shit? If you want me to make up a title let me know.

One of Evan's most brilliant and legendary publicity campaigns for Novo Fogo was a little something people like to call, "Pour Novo Fogo From An Interior Balcony At A Crowded Tales Event Down To The Lobby Where The Munat Brothers Attempt To Catch It In Their Mouths." And this looked EXACTLY like this:

And this...

(Note to spirit companies: The Munat Brothers are available for further consultancy work in this vein. Fees are negotiable).

OK, SO GET ON WITH THE FUCKING DRINK ALREADY

Good idea. Here is the recipe for Evan's contribution to Le Mixeur Sharky: Nine Stories, inspired by and named for a story J.D. Salinger first published in Harper's magazine in 1949.

Down At The Dinghy

1.75 ounce Voyager gin

1 ounce fresh grapefruit

0.67 ounce Pear-Riesling Shrub*

0.5 ounce Chamomile-Gentian Liqueur**

Shake and strain into double old fashioned glass over cubed ice.

Top with 2 ounces Schweppes soda (high sodium soda).

Garnish with fat grapefruit peel and pickled pear slice.***

*Pears cooked with white vinegar and riesling, a little lemon zest and juice, sweetened with sugar, further flavored and fortified with Pur Spirts Pear Liqueur.

**Homemade Suze!!!

***Evan has a friend who make that shit!!!

OK SO GET ON WITH THE FUCKING STORY ALREADY

Down At The Dinghy is the shortest short story in the collection of stories known as Nine Stories. It's also possibly the sweetest. Which is why I gave it to Evan. He's sweet. It's also been described as one of Salinger's least dramatic stories. Which is why I gave it to Evan. He's a low-drama sort of guy.

The plot is simple: A four-year-old boy named Lionel, with an almost life-long penchant for running away when things happen that upset his sensitive soul, is once again upset. And so, he once again has set about the process of running away from everything he knows, this time by sitting in the stern seat of his father's dinghy and working the tiller. Poignantly enough, his vessel of escape is tied to the pier and stripped of its sails.

His mother, Boo Boo Tannenbaum (born Boo Boo Glass, of the Glass family featured in many of Salinger's works, including others to come in Nine Stories), goes down to the dinghy to try to learn what upset him, and to help him untie the emotional knots created by the actions and words of the adults surrounding him, and to bring him back home to her. Eventually, she does.

Evan explained to me that given the nautical theme, it seemed appropriate to create a drink with Voyager gin, what with its name and glorious label picturing some great big ol ship of some sort (editor's note: we don't know anything about boats). Also, Lionel is a big fan of pickles. Before heading down to the dinghy, Boo Boo, perhaps naively, believes a pickle might cheer Lionel up and searches for one in the fridge, only to learn that he has already eaten them all. Once Lionel has accepted his mother back into his life, she suggests that when they go to pick his father up from the train station, they stop and get pickles. And THAT, my friends, is why Mr. Evan Martin created a drink that would be complemented perfectly by a pickled pear. Let the Peter Piper jokes...commence!

And so, with that drink and story and bartender deftly described, there is nothing left to do here but include a quote from the story and put up a picture of Sharky. And so let's do that now...

Lionel slowly sat back in his seat, watching his mother, and reached behind him for the tiller. His eyes reflected pure perception, as his mother had known they would.

"Here." Boo Boo tossed the package down to him. It landed squarely on his lap.

He looked at it in his lap, picked it off, looked at it in his hand, and flicked it--sidearm--into the lake. He then immediately looked up at Boo Boo, his eyes filled not with defiance but tears. In another instant, his mouth was distorted into a horizontal figure-8, and he was crying mightily.

Boo Boo got to her feet, gingerly, like someone whose foot has gone to sleep in theatre, and lowered herself into the dinghy. In a moment, she was in the stern seat, with the pilot on her lap, and she was rocking him and kissing the back of his neck and giving out certain information: "Sailors don't cry, baby. Sailors never cry. Only when their ships go down. Or when they're shipwrecked, on rafts and all, with nothing to drink except..."

Le Mixeur Sharky: The Back Story Part 1

2012-01-24T22:49:00.000-08:00

If you thought Le Mixeur Sharky: Nine Stories was going to go down without loads of sappy stories about us, well, you're really amazingly off on your thinking. But we all love you anyway. What follows is a blog post from the Still Life With Shark blog. Dated May 8, 2008, Enjoy.

Before we delve into complaints and whining about our culture's failure to provide for its children, let's spend some time establishing why we care about the failure. Let's illustrate the intense love a parent has for a child, that I have for Sharky. Let's start doing this from the beginning...

Sharky was born by planned c-section for reasons pertaining to his mother's safety and health. This meant that she was in post-op during those moments when the baby is being cleaned, checked over, and then passed into the arms of the anxious parent.

So it was I alone who followed the nurses into a dimly lit room, where I was vaguely aware of the presence of other sleeping babies. I stood a few feet back as they placed him on a small table with a bright light shining down upon it. They poked him under arms, in various crevasses, prodded him here and there, as he yelped in protest, squinted, and squirmed.

After some time, they backed me into a rocking chair and placed the child into my arms. I think the nurses disappeared at that point, but perhaps they were standing there and it was just the entire earth that melted away.

He opened his eyes, looking across the room. His eyes darted from place to place, and he seemed somewhat alarmed to find himself here.

Then his eyes glanced up into mine and stayed there. He looked up at me, full of wisdom and a knowing I had never witnessed before and never imagined existed. His stare was not one of exuberance, or of comfort or pacification. It was one of solemn recognition, and it was shared by both of us. There was an overwhelming feeling of reunion, as if I was looking directly into a soul I had shared many travels with over countless millenniums, in unimaginable forms and worlds. My own existence has been, and will continue to be, joyfully intertwined with the one resting in my arms right now, and the care and love I take in nurturing it, I do the same for my own.

I, having been too long away from such ways of understanding, was stunned by this sensation. He, being so newly arrived to our world, was not phased in the least. He stared at me with tremendous care but without excitement, as if to say,”oh, hello...you're here too.” He then glanced back around the room for a moment with puzzlement, then back to me as if to say, “where do we find ourselves?”

I realized then that, having arrived shortly before him to this “dream of the red chamber,” as Cao Zhan calls it, it would be my duty to shepherd him through it.

Some might be inclined to say that these are all my interpretations of the events of July 1, 2002. But in actuality nothing could be less accurate. This was universal truth, the one moment of my adult life where I existed beyond interpretation, beyond words, beyond thought. There I was, face to face with my own reality and the reality of all...a sensation that many, upon experiencing it, have interpreted as god.

And it simply was.

Nearly six years later, I am still imbued with grace when I recall those precious moments. At any place, any time, I can reflect upon it and feel the strength swell inside me.

Nearly six years later, I still struggle to put what I saw that day into words, and still worry that the attempt to do so will somehow skew what really was.

And also nearly six years later, as I write this, Sharky sits a few feet away watching a Youtube video of the Incredible Hulk doing battle with a squadron of robots and helicopters, set to the soundtrack of some very bad Latino pop music.
It is not all mysticism and epiphanies.

"The sage is shy and humble – to the world
he seems confusing.
Others look to him and listen.
He behaves like a little child."
- Lao Tzu

Le Mixeur Sharky: Nine Stories. Numéro Un D'image

2012-01-23T19:35:00.000-08:00

Well, what do you know. A Le Mixeur Post with almost no words. Just an image. One of many to come. They say a picture's worth a thousand words. The actual number of words a picture is worth actually varies depending on the country and the current exchange rates, and given the troubled US economy these days, you'd have to think that...

Shhhhh. No more words. Images only please. Everything is getting very hush.

(editor's note: more words to come soon.)

Le Mixeur Sharky - Your Date, Your Location, Your Drinksmiths

2012-01-18T12:59:00.000-08:00

(This is one in a series of posts regarding Le Mixeur Sharky: Nine Stories, an upcoming fundraising event to benefit my son Sharky, who is diagnosed with autism and is no longer receiving any state benefits or medical insurance coverage for speech, physical, or occupational therapies. The event will feature a menu of nine drinks, each created by a Seattle bartender especially for this event, and each based on one of J.D. Salinger's 'Nine Stories.')

Dear ones, we have a date. You and we. A date. That date is, March 11th, 2012. This is the date we will hold Le Mixeur Sharky. What time? Ohhh, probably about 5 or 6. We'll let you know for sure soon.

Dear ones, we have a place. You and we. A place. That place is, Inner Chapters Bookstore & Cafe. Where's that? It's on 419 Fairview Ave. N, in the lovely South Lake Union neighborhood of Seattle. ICB&C offers just the appropriate blend of literary atmosphere, running water, and service areas to hold such an event as this. We are grateful to them for the use of the space and excited to collaborate.

Many details are yet to be determined. But what has been determined is this: nine of Seattle's finest bartenders are currently working diligently (right kids? diligently? yeah? did you get my last email?) on original drink recipes for the menu, each based on one of Salinger's stories. In the coming weeks, I'll be profiling each of these bartenders and their current place of work, a la Left Coast Libations. For the moment, here is a list, including their assigned story and place(s) of work.

A Perfect Day For Bananafish – Bryn Lumsden: Rob Roy

Uncle Wiggily In Connecticut – Marley Tomic Beard: The Sexton

Just Before The War With The Eskimos – Kevin Langmack: Knee High Stocking Co, Vessel

The Laughing Man – Nathan Weber: Canon, Rob Roy

Down At The Dinghy – Evan Martin: Ba Bar

For Esmé – With Love And Squalor – Ben Perri: Zig Zag Café

Pretty Mouth And Green My Eyes – Sidonie Rodman: Rabbit Hole

De Daumier-Smith's Blue Period – Philip Thompson: The Coterie Room

Teddy – Anu Apte: Rob Roy

Those savvy among you might note that, with the exception of Anu Apte (my collaborator and instigator of this event, and the only person I could trust with the creation of my namesake cocktail), none of these bartenders were in Left Coast Libations. This was deliberate. It's part of an effort to continue to promote the work of more and more talented bartenders. And had J.D. Salinger compiled a book of eighteen stories, it still would have been too few to include all the worthy bartenders in our fair and currently snow-covered city of Seattle. Which is my way of apologizing to all the other amazing bartenders here who aren't on the list above.

In the time between now and March 11th, I will in all likelihood make several clumsy attempts to explain why this event has to be, and why it has to be the way it will be, and what's been in my heart as I slapped together its concept and design. For today, I will do this by including the words of Eudora Welty, who reviewed 'Nine Stories' for the New York Times. In some slightly abstract and perhaps obtuse way, I feel that what she wrote expresses why Sharky and J.D. Salinger had to meet, how much this event means to me, and what gratitude I hold for the bartenders above, and to all those who eventually join us along the way.

Without further adieu...

Threads Of Innocence
April 5, 1953
by Eudora Welty

J.D. Salinger's writing is original, first rate, serious and beautiful. Here are nine of his stories, and one further reason that they are so interesting, and so powerful seen all together, is that they are paradoxes.From the outside, they are often very funny: inside, they are about heartbreak, and convey it; they can do this because they are pure...

The stories concern children a good deal of the time, but they are God's children. Mr. Salinger's work deals with innocence, and starts with innocence: from there it can penetrate a full range of relationships, follow the spirit's private adventure, inquire into grave problems gravely--into life and death and human vulnerability and into the occasional mystical experience where age does not, after a point, any longer apply...

Death, war, the flaws in human relationships, the crazy inability to make plain to others what is most transparent and plain to ourselves and nearest our hearts; the lack or loss of a way to offer our passionate feeling belief, in their full generosity; the ruthless cruelty of conventional social judgements and behavior; the persistent longing--reaching sometimes to fantasy-- to return to some state of purity and grace; these subjects lie somewhere near the core of J. D. Salinger's work.

They all pertain to the lack of something in the world, and it might he said that what Mr. Salinger has written about so far is the absence of love. Owing to that absence comes the spoilation of innocence, or else the triumph in death of innocence over the outrage and corruption that lie in wait for it.

What this reader loves about Mr. Salinger's stories is that they honor what is unique and precious in each person on earth. Their author has the courage--it is more like the earned right and privilege--to experiment at the risk of not being understood. Best of all, he has a loving heart.

Le Mixeur Swig Well

2012-01-10T15:53:00.000-08:00

There will be more to come soon on the upcoming event, Le Mixeur Sharky: 9 Stories, but right now let's delve into the event coming before that, which ended up inspiring LMS9S, a little thing I like to call...

LE MIXEUR SWIG WELL

Or, as is it's official title on the Swig Well web site - Le Mixeur: Plan Your Cocktail Party.

In case you've been living under a god damned rock, Swig Well is the drinking academy recently started up by Rob Roy owner Anu Apte, with the assistance of Ms. Hallie McGee. For the past few months they've been hosting afternoon classes at Rob Roy on such subjects as American Apple Brandy, Building Your Own Home Bar, DIY Syrups, and Bartending 101.

Now that they've got all that boring stupid shit out of the way, they're ready to have a real good time, hence Le Mixeur Swig Well!

The class will be held from 1:30pm to 2:30pm on Sunday, February 5th at Rob Roy. Yes folks, you read that right. We're competing with the Super Bowl. Why? Well, because we didn't know it was the Super Bowl that day, and we announced it for that day, and immediately tickets started selling like wild fire. Why? Because Le Mixeur Swig Well is just that awesome.

And the Super Bowl won't even start until after the class is over. Before they can start the game they first need to complete the pregame show featuring Hank Williams, Lee Greenwood and Sarah Palin singing God Bless America while strapped, crotches-forward, onto a missile as it's launched from the 50 yard line and followed by satellite video as it soars high across the sky and eventually destroys a small village in Guatemala, all to the deafening roars of the crowd, amped up beyond belief on a steady diet of watered-down beer and 5 Hour Energy.

Just kidding about that last part folks. But we will have something roughly equivalent in excitement to that at Le Mixeur Swig Well.

Despite the bum rush of ticket sales, there are still a few left (to Le Mixeur Swig Well, not to the Super Bowl). They cost $60, which includes the class plus three beautiful cocktails from past Le Mixeurs. How do you buy them? You go here and sign up. Then we hunt you down and extract the money from you. That can go easy or that can go hard. It's really all up to you, homes.

The class will cover all possible elements to planning a wide variety of amazing cocktail parties or events, from having some friends over to your place to ROCKING THE TACOMA DOME!!! Emphasized will be doing this all on a small budget, which is what I always did out of necessity. Of course, I cut costs a lot by currying favors from friends in the biz, and not everyone taking the class is likely to be as connected as I am. For this reason, I will be passing out a full list of bartenders, bar owners, brand ambassadors, and brand reps who have helped me, complete with contact information, and telling the students to be sure to harass these fine people.

(editor's note: no such list will be provided).

For a full description of the class, go here. Actually, screw that. Don't go anywhere. I'll just put it below.

Hope to see you there. In the immortal words of Mr. T, "Buy it. Or I'll kill you."

love

T.Mixeur

Le Mixeur | Plan Your Cocktail Party

Ted Munat | February 5th, 2012 | 1:30-2:30 | 2332 2nd Ave

Our favorite stud muffin, party-planner, Ted Munat is back and we are so excited to learn from his expertise!

This class will provide you with insight into how to create a memorable and successful cocktail party or event, from conception to clean up. It is based on the do it yourself ethic, providing you with a guide to utilizing your own personal talents and available resources to throw a party that's both unique and inexpensive.

This class will cover:

Inspiration— Determining the purpose and goals of your event. Planning thematic elements. Determining your target audience. Free events for friends vs. paid events (and planning on how to collect payment). Ways to make your event stand out from the rest, going the extra mile

Marketing—Creating, printing, and distributing your own invitations. Electronic invitations. Facebook and other social media techniques. Getting mentions in blogs and creating your own blog. How to create word of mouth buzz and a mystique to your events.

Planning—Finding a space for your event. Determining how much booze you will need and ways to procure booze. How to gather the needed tools, glassware, and equipment for your event. Acquiring the right permits. Planning music, décor, and ambiance. Planning entertainment. Seeking sponsorship. Recruiting helpers, bartenders, and building a team. The many ways to provide food. Creating a drink menu. Punch vs. cocktail/service vs. socialization.

Preparation—Organizing your shopping. Preparing housemade ingredients and juices. When and how to pre-batch cocktails. Set up techniques and timing tips. How to set up bars in unconventional spaces. The importance of being ready to go before the start time.

The Party—Bartending (if you wanna bartend). Collecting money (if you wanna collect money). Using your helpers for collecting glasses, replenishing food, making runs to the store, etc. The importance of being happy.

Clean Up—What to do that night, what to save for tomorrow. What to do when you can't wait until tomorrow. Minimizing your mess. The importance of treating yourself and your helpers to a nice breakfast the next day. Coping with post-event depression disorder.

We are so excited for this one!

$60 includes tax | 3 cocktails | tastings | surprises!

Le Mixeur Sharky: Nine Stories

2011-12-19T19:21:00.001-08:00

It's been over two years since we held a Le Mixeur. And it's been almost that long since I wrote a blog post. That is not a coincidence. This blog was created for the purpose of disseminating information about Le Mixeurs, and continued to be driven by Le Mixeurs over the years. Once the Le Mixeurs dried up, so did the blog.

Time for the comeback.

As many of you may know, my life revolves not around booze or Mixeurs, but around a nine year old boy named Sharky who I am lucky enough to consider my son. As some of you may know, Sharky was diagnosed with Autism about five years ago. And as far fewer of you may know, last August Sharky's insurance company declared that he was no longer eligible for speech therapy coverage. This came on the heels of his insurance company declaring the previous year that he was no longer eligible for physical or occupational therapy. That came on the heels of the state department of social and health services also saying he was not eligible for coverage of speech or physical or occupational therapy. That came on the heels of him never being eligible to receive applied behavioral therapy, or sensory integration therapy, or anything that might actually help him.

Of course, all of that's no big deal. Me and his two mothers raised him without their help. And now he's nine and in my opinion the best person this world ever produced. He's the most amazing person I have ever met. This world, which hasn't offered him much except all the good people in his life, is beyond fortunate for his existence. Every day he is here, he makes the world a better place.

But he does need help. We need help. We need your help. He has the most beautiful way of expressing himself, and many of you have witnessed this through my ad nauseum posts on facebook quoting him. But learning how to express himself more clearly through speech therapy will not only increase his chances of surviving in society as an adult, but will also make him happier in his relationships with the people he meets in life. He won't always need his dad to interpret what he says.

So we're going to throw a Le Mixeur Sharky to raise money to pay for those damn pesky $150/hour speech therapy sessions. And we're going to base this Le Mixeur on the works of J.D. Salinger, who wrote so beautifully on the dreams, ambitions, and qualities of children. He wrote so beautifully, and was appreciated so widely, that it's hard to believe we have still managed to conjure up a world in which the help children need is denied, and in which a child dies of starvation somewhere in the world every three seconds. I think of that fact often, and it never fails to remind me of how unbelievably fortunate I am.

Le Mixeur Sharky: Nine Stories, will feature a menu of nine drinks, each based on one of Salinger's stories from the collection Nine Stories. Each of these drinks will be original creations by some of my favorite Seattle bartenders. Each of these bartenders will be assigned a story. They have the options of a) basing their drink strictly on the title b) basing their drink on the summary and notes I provide them, or c) reading the story and basing the drink on that.

We will hold Le Mixeur Sharky: Nine Stories sometime in March. Details and specific date are yet to be determined. I will be putting up blog posts on each drink for the menu as they come in, with descriptions of the drink, the story, and the bartender.

I will be posting the updates on Le Mixeur Sharky: Nine Stories, here and on the blog I once kept about Sharky. It was a blog that briefly garnered a following and, on one occasion with the assistance of my brother Ben, got over 10,000 hits in one day for this post.

I'd like to officially commence this journey by thanking all of you who have been supportive of Sharky and I over the years, no matter the level. The next few months are going to be emotional and meaningful to me because of this project.

OK. Let's do this.

Portland Cocktail Week

2011-10-17T18:41:00.000-07:00

There is a story, a beautiful story, about grace and the sea. And my heart is trying to explain it to my mind. And as the heart fumbles over the few mind words it speaks and the mind clumsily interrupts and stammers and looks foolish with bewilderment, they both begin to laugh: first at each other, then at themselves. And as the laughter flows into unison, they form one tongue, speaking, as graceful as a stone skipping across water, striking the perfect spot of each wave. Among these waves I am swimming, watching the expressions of this new tongue skip all about me as it goes this way and that, never rebelling against its natural course, yet beautifully independent, making friendly suggestions to the world. I am diving down and leaping up, spouting water into the air, sometimes choking on the salt, eyes burning, but laughing. Always laughing. At night as I sleep, ghosts play with me by pulling off whatever I'm using for covers. I awaken and laugh some more with them. And it occurs to me I am becoming a child again.

The story is a story of sentipentsaris, the getting together of the heart and mind. It fell upon me one day while sitting in a tiny room with smoldering peat fire and rain pelting against the windows, basking in love but saturated with pain. And once that pain was let in, it created just the right darkness in which to dream of the creation of a perfect world. And this dream was not the first step in creating a perfect world, this dream was the creation of a perfect world.

Months later and thousands of miles away, I fell in love with a woman but didn't tell her. One autumn night we were part of a group who walked out into the thick woods, to a clearing where dozens of people gathered around a bonfire. She and I, instinctively and almost immediately, explored away from the gathering and made our way through more woods to the water, all the while talking of dreams, memories, and the sky. When we reached the water, we took in the moon and stars, glowing on the water, the drifting fragrances, the distant sound of music, the electric lights of civilization across the bay... all the elements of this perfect world.

As we tossed stones out into the darkness of the water, she asked me, "Do you believe in ghosts?"

I stopped what I was doing, looked deeply into the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen, and with greater clarity than I had ever before possessed, I said, "I believe in everything."

Portland Cocktail Week, October 20-23, PDX, OR.

(note: the organizers of Portland Cocktail week in no way guarantee experiences comparable to the ones described above. The experiences described above are merely the thoughts of a bored writer with no better outlet to express his ideas than this antiquated "cocktail blog." Thank you.)

Forging Your Own Path At Tales

2011-07-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

The Tales it is a growing. Every year the madness grows exponentially. And in response to this growth, the expert Tales attendee must adapt to the new rules, rules that become somewhat clear just in time for it to be too late. Remembering the new rules is an entertaining process, but serves no real purpose, as the memory cannot be put into practice in future incarnations of Tales, as once again the madness grows exponentially, and new rules are created. It's an interesting and completely logical phenomenon.

Are you with me so far? I was talking yesterday with a physics doctoral candidate who was applying the laws of physics to cocktails. It sort of made me lose my grasp on my normal thread of reality. Apologies if I'm rambling/start to ramble.

Here are a few tips from lessons learned this year for avoiding the clusterfucks at Tales.

RULE 1: BEWARE OF TEXT MESSAGE IDEAS

In the past a splendid way to congregate with good friends was to network on text messages. Word would come in via digital handheld messaging that people were headed to DBA, or Coop's, or some other spot some influential person decided to go to and then messaged a few friends of his or hers. This enabled the expert Tales attendee to connect with many dearly beloved drunk friends. Laughter, mayhem, kisses, and hugs would ensue.

This method is now fraught with peril. Some decided to face the peril, only to find that is is far to perilous. The Tales it is a growing, and these days a text message ripple turns quickly to a Tsunami. The destination point becomes a, yes, here comes the word again...clusterfuck.

On Tuesday evening of this week, I was witness to some of this text messaging. Instinctively and somewhat surprisingly, I surmised what was going to happen and did not chase the tail of the Tales message wave. Messages reached me reading, "Fancy Pants party! Fancy Pants party! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Fancy Pants party! Fancy Pants party!"

Or something to that effect.

Just a bit later, as I continued to sip a sazerac at Arnaud's French 75 Bar made by Chris Hannah, another burst of messages came in, saying something along the lines of, "Fancy Pants party...so crowded. Fancy Pants party...long line. Fancy Pants party...wouldn't let me in. My pants were not fancy enough."

Amused, I continued sipping and awaited the next idea for the evening, which would be merely theoretical for myself but a reality for many of my dearly beloved. Shortly thereafter, messages began reading, "Maple Leaf Bar! Maple Leaf Bar! Ooh! Ooh! Maple Leaf Bar! Maple Leaf Bar!"

Or something to that effect.

Just a bit later, as I continued to sip a Creole Cocktail at Arnaud's French 75 Bar made by Chris Hannah, another burst of messages came in, saying something along the lines of, "Maple Leaf Bar...so crowded. Maple Leaf Bar...long line. Maple Leaf Bar...wouldn't let me in. My leaves were not mapley enough."

Amused, I continued sipping and awaited the next idea for the evening, which would be merely theoretical for myself but a reality for many of my dearly beloved. Shortly thereafter, messages began coming in reading, "The Saint! The Saint! Ooh! Ooh! The Saint! The Saint!"

At that point I flushed my phone down the toilet. Moments later I came to my senses and retrieved and revived it via mouth to USB port resuscitation. But I put it on airplane mode and walked over to the Old Absinthe House for a beer.

The point is, there are now too many people at Tales to bother following the pack. If you get word of some place "everyone" is going to, assume 4,000 other people are getting the same word as you, and that spot is going to be a, yes... clusterfuck.

Also remember that the text message you received started with some individual. It wasn't a cosmic firework of inspired brilliance that shot into the sky, exploded, and tinkled down onto everyone simultaneously. Someone decided to go do something, told someone else, and then we all played a game of telephone. So make your own idea, tell your friends, and go there. The rooms aren't big enough for us all anymore, dear ones. Be a pioneer. Start your own informal gathering of people somewhere where they will serve you liquor.

RULE 2: GO TO THE TASTING ROOMS THAT ARE LESS BOOZY SOUNDING

Yesterday I was nearly trampled to death by the masses trying to get into the Oxley Gin tasting room. I managed to survive thanks to my physical prowess, sheer cunning, and media badge. In the meantime, I drank me some gin and ate me some delicious gin sorbet.

Downstairs, Fentiman's was also hosting a tasting room. There was plenty of space down in that room, time to chat with the people serving drinks, relax and watch some old episodes of The Avengers. Why the discrepancy in attendance? Well, my own personal theory is that it is because Oxley is high proof gin and Fentiman's is soft drinks.

You would think that given the amazingly high availability of booze at Tales that people wouldn't be in any hurry to consume mass quantities of it. You don't have to seek it out, the booze will find you, and it will eat your face. Believe me, I know this. Yet I swear to a benevolent and loving god that people attack the booze dispensary points with a maniacal fervor. We offered some punch made with Maker's Mark at our book signing yesterday for Left Coast Libations. The recipe yields about 100 ounces of punch, or 50 small cups. The punch was gone in 15 minutes. So Anu Apte whipped up an improvised punch (with top secret ingredient!) that yielded about 200 ounces. That too was gone in moments.

Here's the secret folks: first of all, Fentiman's ain't dummies. They're mixing their products with gin, bourbon, rum, scotch, etc. They know you want booze and they want you to know they're products can mix with a variety of boozes. So yes, you can go to the tasting room of the company known mostly for ginger beer and still get your drink on. And you can do it without feeling like you're at a Who concert in Cincinnati (sorry Cincinnati for bringing up old wounds).

The same phenomenon happened today wherein the 4 Roses Bourbon (high proof) tasting room was more crowded than the waiting room outside the pearly gates, and the Marie Brizzard (lower proof) tasting room was merely well attended. In this case, however, the 4 Roses Bourbon tasting might have been so popular due to the presence of Dave Shenaut, who rumor had it was sporting a kneck beard sure to draw in and wow the masses. Naturally, those who attended for this purpose were disappointed, as Dave had shaved the K.B. "Kneck Beards are over," he told me. Freaking Portland hipsters man. Just can't even keep up with what's cool in the world's coolest city anymore.

RULE 3: NEVER LEAVE YOUR HOTEL ROOM

Actually, never mind. You can't do that. Get out there, make friends, have fun, and be a hero.

(editor's note: all rules and lessons mentioned above, upon publication of this article, are hereby ruled dated and irrelevant. Tales has once again grown exponentially and all rules have changed. Thank you for reading, you have just wasted 10 minutes of your life. As Dave Shenaut would say, "Forging Your Own Path At Tales is over." Freaking Portland hipsters...)

LCL meets LUPEC - February 19th

2011-02-06T10:49:00.000-08:00

I was 11 years old. It was a cool summer evening in Maine, where the Munat clan was vacationing. Word got to me that at a nearby cottage, a girls-only slumber party had erupted. Instinctively, my two male friends and I trotted to the site of it. We stood outside the home, gazing wistfully up at the windows and keenly listening to the sounds of girls talking and laughing inside as the fireflies hovered around us.

Eventually we could take it no more. We rushed to the door and knocked. The host girl's mother answered the door, and with great earnestness we begged to be admitted. In a response as predictable as it was devastating, she told us it was a party for girls only, then added, with a wink, "and you don't look like girls to me."

Crestfallen, we shuffled away from the house with our heads hung. But moments later, the same revolutionary thought seemed to pop into each of our little pre-pubescent heads. She had said we didn't look like girls. She had winked. Clearly, she was telling us that we could come in if we looked a little more like girls, yes?

In an instant the three of us had separated and were each sprinting to our respective homes. Upon reaching mine, I burst into the living room, where my mother was sitting quietly reading, and shrieked, "Mom, I need one of your nightgowns! NOW!!! QUICKLY!!!"

I would suppose there was then some explanation given, but I can't recall for sure. The next thing I remember I was back out in the night, beneath the moon in Maine, wearing my mother's nightgown, racing towards the gilded lair of the forbidden party. We three boys, all in women's sleepwear, arrived back at the house and cried out to the mother from the sidewalk. She appeared at the doorway, took a look at our outfits, and waved us in.

But at that moment, a wave of fear swept over me. I froze. I couldn't go through with it. Even as my internal voice barked at me to go, go, you idiot, I simply could not move. Whether it was a simple case of my shy nature getting the best of me, or some deeper spiritual fear of happiness, I can't say. But I stood there like a statue as my two friends entered the house without me.

Then the miracle occurred. Just as the devastation at my own lameness was setting in, the door to the house swung open again, and what might have been 10 or might have been 400 giggling girls came swarming out. With several of them grasping each limb of my body, I was lifted up and carried into the house.

In short...best party ever. There was popcorn and movies and music and scary stories, we stayed up all night talking about life's rich pageant, and watched the sun come up over the Atlantic as "Good Feeling" by the Violent Femmes played on this amazing radio station in Maine that only played music from the future.

Fast forward a couple of decades, and here I am, and here you are, with a similar opportunity to peek behind the gender curtain and spend a night with some pretty amazing ladies. In this case, no cross-dressing is required (though it would certainly be enjoyed). All you have to do is buy a ticket to LUPEC Seattle's big party on February 19th, starting at 8pm. For the official description and to buy tickets, visit Brown Paper Tickets.

For those of you who don't know, LUPEC is a Bolshevik organization seeking to overthrow the US government. Actually, it's an organization of Ladies United for the Preservation of Endangered Cocktails, a concept way more radical than Bolshevik revolutions. There are many chapters of LUPEC across the country, and on the 19th we will enjoy a coming together of the Portland and Seattle chapters (watch out social hierarchy, the cocktail swilling ladies are uniting!!!)

A portion of the proceeds for the event on the 19th will benefit the Jubilee Women's Center. JWC is a non-profit here in Seattle whose mission is to "provide women a safe and supportive place to live and an opportunity to learn while becoming self-reliant in housing and employment."

The event is being held at "The Penthouse," a 37th floor space at the tippity top of the Aspira Building in Denny Triangle. The Penthouse is affiliated with Belltown bar Rob Roy, and features floor-to-ceiling windows and two balconies overlooking the city, Space Needle, Puget Sound, Lake Union, my apartment, Jamie Boudreau's bedroom, etc.

I will be on hand signing copies of Left Coast Libations, which will be sold by Kristina Barnes, owner of Inner Chapters Books in South Lake Union via cash, check, or charge.

The event price in advance is $40/person. This includes all the hors d'oeuvre you like and tickets for two free cocktails, which will be made by Rob Roy owner Anu Apte and Jenn Hegstrom of LUPEC Portland. And to summarize, your $40 will support:

The Jubilee Women's Center, a local non-profit supporting homeless women, 70% of whom are domestic violence survivors.
LUPEC Seattle, a very cool group of women attempting to create a vibrant cocktail culture in Seattle and support local non-profits in the process.
Rob Roy and Inner Chapters Books, two locally-owned, female-owned, socially conscious and excellent businesses.
A humble, mild-mannered public servant who also happens to be a local author... moi (well, actually you need to buy a book to support me. I ain't getting no door cut. That's for the females).

And for an extra drink, bring along an article of clothing for children or women to be donated to JWC. Hell, bring a whole wardrobe with you. You still only get one free drink, but you know, you are allowed to commit acts of kindness without getting rewarded with booze. It's written somewhere in the constitution.

Hey I wrote a blog post! This was fun. I'll do it again soon.

Ta Ta For Now...

Painting above is "Summer Night On The Beach" by Edvard Munch

Tales Dream

2010-07-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

I had a little fable dream the last morning I woke up in New Orleans. It was a story of love. I debated for some time as to who it should be for, when finally the skies of my mind cleared and I realized it was for everyone. So if you are you, then this is for you...

Once upon a time we had not yet met, and as a result there was a hole in the sky where you and I belonged. Upon meeting, we knew our love would fill that hole, and so up we flew. But we didn't realize that our love was even bigger than that hole in the sky, and also made of stronger material. And so it was that our love shattered the sky entirely. It instantaneously burst into infinite tiny fragments, scattering across the earth, nestling into the ground and appearing as if tiny red rubies. The sky was now open and stretched out forever.

To this day, when the people of the world look to the wide open, neverending sky, or find one of those precious red jewels upon the earth, they swell with gratitude for the love we had. We blessed them all with something to live for.

Goodbye everyone. See you all next time.

photo by Thomas Bondesson .

Some Post-Tales Reflections on The American Bartender of The Year

2010-07-27T18:53:00.001-07:00

My last day in New Orleans was Sunday, July 25th. That day at noon, being a few hours away from my flight departure, an hour past having checked out of my hotel after getting one hour of sleep, and 6 hours after having gotten caught in the mighty aqua force of Tropical Storm Bonnie on Iberville Street, I was interviewed by Tim McNally on AM 690 WIST New Orleans. Barely moments into the interview, and before I'd really even gotten my bearings, Tim asked me what got me into this whole cocktail field.

Oddly enough, I had no prepared answer for this. I'd never really thought about it. It just kind of seemed to happen. But faced with the embarrassment of making my live radio debut by saying, "uhmmmmm," I quickly reached into the proper spot of my subconscious and fetched the real answer. The real answer was, quite simply, Murray Stenson.

Murray Stenson is a bartender at The Zig Zag Cafe in Seattle. He's been bartending here in Seattle for over 30 years. Those of you familiar with US history know full well that Seattle did not exist 30 years ago. Therefore, the idea that Murray has been bartending here for longer than that is impossible. And that's OK. Because all of what Murray does is impossible.

This past Saturday night, Murray was named Bartender Of The Year at the Spirited Awards at Tales Of The Cocktail. At the time, I was sitting in The Bourbon House having dinner, when a text I had requested from Jon Santer came in simply saying, "Murray won."

Murray won.

I love the cocktail industry. It is brimming with creativity and with beautiful and amazing people. The affection people have for what they do, and for the others that do it, is unmatched in any other community on earth I have ever encountered. But...too often the tireless self-promoters are the ones who gain notoriety, while the truly talented people are overlooked. Bartenders complain justifiably that this happens at the hands of the media and the spirit companies with their deep pockets. But even bartenders are not immune to it, often recognizing and seeking out their own peers who focus on making a name for themselves, while other more talented smiths of the craft focus on honing their skills, improving their bars, building the foundations of their community, pleasing their customers.

If ever in this industry there was a person who was emblematic of the humble devotees to the craft of bartending and the art of hospitality, forsaking the grand-standing and career building, it is Murray. It was only fitting that Murray was not there Saturday night to accept his award. He never seeks out the limelight, and would have been embarrassed, even encumbered, by all the attention. He would have had to schmooze it up with the throngs of new adorers, made appearances at the ensuing functions, and stayed up past his bedtime. All things I dare say Murray prefers to avoid.

All this is what makes it so special that Murray won. Hard work, dedication, and passion won. Bartending is hard work folks. I've done it a few times. It takes it out of you. Try doing it about eight thousand times. Now try doing it eight thousand times at such a level of intensity that you always inspire, and frequently straight up blow minds.

I wish the whole world could have been a pack of flies on the wall this past April, when at the unofficial wrap-up party for the Seattle BarSmarts program at Zig Zag, many of the world's finest bartenders sat at Murray's bar with jaws dropped and, in a few cases, tears in eyes, witnessing the Murray show. It wasn't about drink making technique. It wasn't about displays of cutting edge trends in mixology. It wasn't even really about the drinks. It was about an absolute master of his craft displaying an undying passion for what he does, an impossible level of speed and efficiency, and a keen awareness of every single person at his bar (and there were a LOT of them that night) that superseded even their awareness of themselves.

I've gone on long enough. I'd love to share anecdotes about amazing Murray feats, but I don't want to write a book here. Feel free to leave your own comments with your own Murray tales. Suffice to say, the judging panel of the Spirited Awards should be very proud of themselves. They got it all perfectly right.

Congratulations, Murray.

photo by Dan Crawford

New Orleans: The Sorrow, The Pity, The Awe, The Joy

2010-07-23T15:28:00.000-07:00

If I were ever to move to New Orleans I would almost certainly end up writing the best novel ever written. People all over the world would drop their bags and look to the sky in awe and reverence over what had just been accomplished, sensing the seismic alteration of the universe my words had caused. Mothers would clutch their children. Construction workers would remove their protective eyewear and proudly wipe away tears. Football players would pull up short of tacking their prey and instead offer pats on the back and warm embraces. Such is the level of inspiration of New Orleans and such are the possibilities when it gets wired into my brain. The title of the book would be one of those poignant couplings of words we typically take to be contradictory, such as Joy and Sorrow, Hope and Doom, Life and Death, or Sex and the City.

Inevitably a great deal of our time here always revolves around the glorious French Quarter, with its beautiful old buildings and fascinating people, where brilliant troubadours sing from the street corners hoping to be bestowed with a smattering of loose change while lesser talented but better represented musicians earn a living performing inside the bars. Where the people revel in the street corners into the wee hours of the night while a row of horse police line up waiting for one to drop so they can pounce. Where men painting buildings sometimes simply pause and stand still, looking off into the distance as they allow themselves to cool. Where people with carts piled high with new toilets to be delivered and installed discover new and creative ways to roll wheels over a decaying cobblestone street. Where a confused man demands a refund at Walgreen's because he wanted cheese sticks and accidentally bought pretzels.

But this year more than ever before we have found ourselves entering other areas of town. Wednesday night William Grant and Sons bussed 800 of us to the Elms Mansion in the Garden District. Among the well lit partisans in the lush lawn, surrounding the gazeboed brass band, we battled the masses for some sours featuring Hendick's Gin, sweet stuff, sour stuff, and egg white. They were delicious, and when a friend disappeared in quest of air conditioning, I got to drink his as well as mine. Fair play to me. We then made our way across the lawn to the Solerna blood orange liqueur area, where Ms. Jackie Patterson was concocting drinks of Solerna for the adoring throngs. I believe the drink she placed in my hand was simply Solerna and club soda. I can't be sure. As usual, the mere sight of my dear friend Jackie had completely taken my breath away and I was rendered unable to discern the basic sensory input of my surroundings. She might have placed diesel oil in my hand at that moment, and I would have indulged in it with glee.

Inside we found smiling faces pouring glasses of Balvenie and Glenfiddich, and other smiling faces of loved ones we had long not seen. This was my re-entry to New Orleans, and though I have only been here twice before, it felt like a sort of homecoming. And I should mention, New Orleans, Super Bowl champions suits you well. I haven't seen you since you won. You look gorgeous.

Last night, inspired by the opportunity to spend some time with pal Jon Santer, I finally made the cab ride out to Cure. I'd been hearing about Cure for years, and have a long standing mountain of respect for Cure guru Danny Valdez and former Cure/current Teardrop Lounge of Portland, OR bartender Ricky Gomez. So what the hell have I been waiting for? A cab? Yes! And it came. And we went. And I loved it.

The food and drink was delicious, but more importantly the moment we passed through the doorways we had that feeling. That perfect feeling when you enter somewhere and you know you are in some place special. Some place where nothing bad could ever happen to you. Some place where if you died there your soul would flap straight up to heaven and have a bed waiting for it with a cocktail on the end table and a glass of water so as you don't wake up parched.

We ended the night by standing on the street corner outside of the Absinthe House with literally everyone else in the entire world. I went with the flow of my own gentle inebriation and told loved ones things I believe to be true, things like “I love you,” and “I always will,” and “forever and ever.”

I woke up feeling very proud of myself.

Thank you New Orleans. I love you, and I always will, forever and ever.

More to come...

ted

HOW BARS THAT ARE GOOD DON'T LET YOU GET AWAY FROM PEOPLE

2010-04-21T19:43:00.000-07:00

This evening T.Mixeur is proud to introduce a new era in Le Mixeurtonia, an era of democracy, free speech, equality, and a level of blinding stupidity sure to alienate the remaining 6 readers of this blog. That's right, dearlings, welcome to the era of Le Mixeur Audience Participation!

LE MIXEUR PARTICIPATION D'AUDITOIRE!!!

Today's blog topic comes from audience member Ben Y, or as we like to call him around town, “Sir Yawtz-A-Lot.” Sir Yawtz-A-Lot has embraced Le Mixeur's heroic vicissitude with a prompt injection of something completely surreal. Sir Yawtz-A-Lot has requested that T.Mixeur write on the topic “how bars that are good don't let you get away from people.” Before we commence with this, let us all take a moment to compliment Sir Yawtz-A-Lot on his creation of a near-complete sentence...

Now on with the blog!

As is the case with all posts on this blog, extensive research went into presenting the reader with a thorough and comprehensive report on the topic at hand. The topic, of course, being “how bars that are good don't let you get away from people.”

(editor's note: if anyone out there has any idea what Sir Yawtz-A-Lot is talking about, please contact us immediately)

The first step in this research was to meet with owners and bar managers of the bars that are good, and ask them the question directly. First on the list, Anu Apte, owner of Rob Roy in Seattle.

T.Mixeur: So Anu, you are owner of Rob Roy, one of the bars that are good. At Rob Roy, how do you don't let you get away from people?

Anu Apte: Well C.McClure, at Rob Roy, when we have a customer displaying a tendency to you get away from people, we don't let him or her. How do we don't let him or her? Well, sometimes we'll carve an ice ball, and he or she will lose the will to you get away from people. If that doesn't work, we might offer him or her a Sazerac, and say to him or her “hey him or her, don't you get away from people! We make you Sazerac and carve ice ball! If you still try to you get away from people, we don't let you!”

T.Mixeur: And I understand the statement you just made - hey him or her, don't you get away from people, we make you Sazerac and carve ice ball, if you still try to you get away from people, we don't let you – has become the official slogan of Rob Roy?

Anu Apte: That is correct. It is printed on the marquee of our establishment and is also viewable on our Citysearch and Yelp pages.

Next, T.Mixeur spoke with Andrew Bohrer of Mistral Kitchen about how he, Mr. Dipsographer o' Cask Strength himself, helps his bar that are good don't let you get away from people.

T.Mixeur: So Anu, you are owner of Rob Roy, one of the bars that are good. At Rob Roy, how do you don't let you get away from people?

Andrew Bohrer: I'm not Anu and I'm not owner of Rob Roy.

T.Mixeur: Can I quote you on that?

Andrew Bohrer: Listen fucker, don't try to make me feel bad about not being Anu or owner of Rob Roy. I'm past that. I'm bar manager at Mistral Kitchen, one of the bars that are good. No one can take that away from me.

T.Mixeur: Ha! I just took it!

Andrew Bohrer: Give it back!

T.Mixeur: No!

Andrew Bohrer: Yes!

T.Mixeur: no no no no no no no...

Andrew Bohrer: yes yes yes yes yes yes yes...

T.Mixeur: no no no no no no oh OK!!! Take it back!

Andrew Bohrer: Ha! In Your FACE G.Miclo!

T.Mixeur: So Anu, you are owner of Rob Roy, one of the bars that are good. At Rob Roy, how do you don't let you get away from people?

Andrew Bohrer: That's it mother fucker!!!

(skirmish ensues)

Next, we met with the man, the myth, the legend, the guy who makes lots of wicked freaking good drinks at the Zig Zag Cafe...Murray Stenson.

T.Mixeur: Murray, Andrew Bohrer is a vicious little fucker and he broke my nose.

Murray Stenson: Word up!

T.Mixeur: So Murray, you are man myth legend GWM lots of wicked FGD at Zig Zag, one of the bars that are good. At Zig Zag, how do you don't let you get away from people?

Murray Stenson: Hey Phil! How are you? Can I get you another root beer?

T.Mixeur: My name is not Phil and I do not want a root beer. I want to know how your bar that are good don't let you get away from people.

Murray Stenson: If you make it to Range while you're in San Francisco, tell them Murray sent you!

T.Mixeur: I'm not going to fucking San Francisco mother fucker! And they already know me at Range!! Stop fucking with me!

Murray Stenson: Jiggering is for sissies!

T.Mixeur: I jigger! That's it old man! Let's go!!!

(skirmish ensues)

(Editor's Note: It was later revealed to us that Murray's internal automato-barkeep program had a malfunctioning hard drive, causing everyone's favorite Bartendodroid to generate responses randomly rather than appropriately. We deeply regret any damage done to any products of the Automato-Barkeep Multinational Corporation, assure their legal staff that no such future instances shall occur, and will readily relieve T.Mixeur of his reporter's duties should any written demands of such nature come forthwith.)

SUMMARY

From our panel of experts has come precious jewels of wisdom. Clearly, the ways bars that are good don't let you get away from people are to carve ice balls, make sazeracs, speak in broken English, break reporter's noses, and have androids for bartenders who are backed by multinational corporations who have teams of lawyers who are vicious little fuckers.

Sir Yawtz-A-Lot, thank you again for your brilliant idea for a topic. We sincerely hope you have been entertained and informed by this response, and we would like to graciously invite you to have no further relationship with this blog whatsoever.

If you work in a bar that are good and have your own ways of don't let you get away from people, or if you are a him or her who like to get away from people and you have been to a bar that don't let you, we at Le Mixeur would love to hear from you! Please come to us at Le Mixeur, because we are a blog that are good and we don't want you to get away from people! If you don't believe us, just read the subtitle of our blog that are good! Seriously, look up at the top of the page. It's right there in black and white.

Le gra,
T.Mixeur

BarSmarts, Resurrections, Vikings, and the New Imperialist Distillery of Washoregornia

2010-04-03T15:02:00.000-07:00

Bla bla bla obligatory mutters explaining prolonged span of time between blog posts bla bla bla token vague statement attempting to instill confidence in the reader that such absences are over with and regular posts will be forthcoming (statement is possibly false and rather presumptuous in its belief that the reader's well being is somehow tied to the writer's level of productivity) bla.

With that little order of business gracefully put to rest, let us move on to today's topic...

BarSmarts.

Bla bla bla BarSmarts bla bla bl-

(editor's note: we are experiencing a temporary malfunction with this blog's "bla bla" apparatus. Our technicians are working frantically with sweat on brow and gun in back to correct this problem. Please stand by...thank you)

BarSmarts is the offspring of the celebrated Beverage Alcohol Resource, or BAR. BAR is the hallowed, New York City-based bartender training program that all the kids are so wild about these days. BAR is headed up by the Dream Team of David Wondrich, F. Paul Pacult, Dale Degroff, Andy Seymour, Steve Olson, Doug Frost, Charles Barkley, David "The Admiral" Robinson, and Larry Bird. In an ongoing effort to preach the gospel of Spirits and Cocktails, a similar training is now available via Internet (BarSmarts WIRED) or home study combined with one day intensives in select cities (BarSmarts Advanced). Here is the tale of how this came to be...

The BarSmarts Saga
by T. Mixeur

The creators of the BAR were all crucified by the Romans after a particularly wild night of Fernet shots at the Stravinskj Bar, then miraculously resurrected the following July in order to honor their contractual obligations to Tales of the Cocktail, and hosted many seminars. Some believed their haggard presence was due to hangovers, but some of us knew better.

After Tales ended, they ascended to Heaven to assume their rightful place besides Jerry Thomas, Harry Craddock, Charles Baker, and Ed McMahon. At that point it was left to their apostles to spread the good word. The BAR boys' Saint Paul is none other than Pernod Ricard, the Spirit giant known for such products as Pernod...and Ricard.

And on the first day Pernod Ricard created BarSmarts WIRED, and lo, this was good. The subscribers to WIRED, for a small fee, would receive gifts in the mail such as a kit of bar tools and a quite functional shoulder bag, not to mention access to online print materials and streaming videos from the messiahs themselves. WIRED is open for enrollment to anyone twice per year, for a two month period each time (the next time being July 1st - September 1st). Upon enrolling, you have one month to complete the work. If you do not complete the work in that time, BAR shall smite thee.

BarSmarts: An Insider's Guide, or "What The Folks at Pernod Ricard Won't Tell You."

BarSmarts Advanced is different from WIRED in many ways. For starters, WIRED is spelled in all caps whereas Advanced is not. Impressed, are we not, with the cool demeanor of Advanced? Words that spell themselves in all caps, such as WIRED, are usually compensating for deficiencies in other areas.

But the differences don't stop there...

WIRED - shoulder bag.
Advanced - backpack.
WIRED - read from the BarSmarts web site.
Advanced - your very own spiral bound book!
WIRED - streaming videos
Advanced - DVDs
WIRED - any bum can join
Advanced - invite only
WIRED - done in your underwear
Advanced - must appear publicly before the BAR team, who being from the East Coast expect formalities such as the wearing of clothes.

By the way, with a little polishing, I think the above exchange could be the basis for an excellent play. Sort of Harold Pinter meets Miranda July. I see Alan Rickman in the role of Advanced, and Mary Kate Olson as WIRED.

Back to Advanced, the materials covered are pretty much the same as WIRED, though there are some extra notes on important things specific to running a bar business. But after completing the BarSmarts WIRED program and wondering how I would find more room in my brain for all the stuff from Advanced, I was quite pleased to realize I had already learned everything there was to know.

The primary element to the Advanced that sets it apart from WIRED is obviously the one day in-person class. My day will be April 27, when the BAR boys come to Seattle. There's something unquantifiable yet unmistakable about the value of face-to-face learning, particularly when the teachers have ascended upon us from the afterlife. The mystic spirits will then wander on for ensuing classes in Washington, DC on April 29, Orlando on May 10, and New Orleans on May 12. They do not, I am told, plan to take me with them. But I will say it here: I am ready, my lords. Take me!

At the day class, the topics from our studies are reviewed and expanded upon, tastings are done, and then each student has a turn mixing a drink or two for the experts to demonstrate he or she is not a complete fraud. I am told this latter part can be nerve wracking, particularly since the BAR boys insist on wearing Viking hats and angrily claiming the student is to blame for the fall of Northumbria. I know, from personal experience, that these are difficult circumstances under which to work. But the concept is valid: they are simply attempting to simulate the typical scene at your average bar.

the BarSmarts "Dream Team" wrapping up another successful training

So What Does One Learn?

Plenty! How to distill, how to taste, the what/where/when (but rarely why) of every major type of spirit, cocktail history, cocktail tools, mixers/ice/garnishes, and finally how to make drinks.

But For Me, There Was One Thing That Really Resonated...

We learned that the Dutch and English started making gin thanks to the massive warehouses of botanicals they had stolen and horded via their respective East India "trading" companies. So in essence gin is the byproduct of looting and pillaging the world.

This is a far cry from today, when distillers in Washington State must get more than half their ingredients from Washington state growers. I mean, why don't the bureaucrats just come to our houses and disembowel us now? All good spirits are the product of imperialist aggression...that's why they taste so good! What about us? We want to pillage, loot, and perhaps plunder like our Dutch and English forefathers! We must be allowed this honor, nay this duty, before we become a nation of weak men making weak spirits. Our consumers must be given the joy of tasting a fine gin or whiskey with the satisfaction of knowing that blood was spilled for its creation.

It is time for action, I say. I am going to charter a boat, and Gwydion Stone, Marc Bernhard, and I are going to raise an army and sail down to the coast of Oregon, then California. We shall storm the beaches and move inland, killing all in our path, taking all that we think smells nice. We will assume the same quasi-governmental powers the Dutch East India company held at the height of its powers: waging war, negotiating treaties, coining money, and establishing colonies. And then we shall return to Washington and distill a spirit from our treasure that will restore all of us to our former glory. Our distillery will be called "New Imperialist Distillery of Washoregornia."

Folks, if all this doesn't make you want to sign up for the BarSmarts program, I just don't know what else to tell you.

Bent Wings and Hot Cockles

2009-12-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

When you say “Corsair” to me, I say back to you “Baa Baa Black Sheep.” Go ahead and try me and watch it happen. “Baa Baa Black Sheep” was a 70s TV show about a rag tag band of Naval misfits, headed by Robert Conrad and also featuring TV legend Dirk Blocker (a name which seems to leave Dirk Diggler of “Boogie Nights” bereft of any sass whatsoever), scorching the bloody skies of World War II planet earth with their unbelievably awesome Corsairs. The fearsome Corsairs reputedly had an 11:1 kill ratio. That's awesome. Even more awesome: their wings were bent. Why? Because that's awesome.

A corsair is also a pirate, or a pirate ship, or a series of craft distilled spirits made in small batches in Bowling Green, Kentucky. Golly the English language sure is funny ain't it?

Corsair distilleries is currently cranking out a wide variety of drinkable commodities and attempting to get them into the hands of good people who will appreciate them, and no where are you more likely to find them than right here in little ol' Washington state. The current line includes a gin made in a hand hammered pot still using sustainably harvested botanicals, a “red absinthe,” (a riff on traditional absinthes that incorporates citrus, tarragon, and hibiscus to the usual anise/wormwood lexicon of botanicals), and a “Pumpkin Spice Moonshine.” The Pumpkin Spice is an un-aged malt whiskey (AKA White Dog) that is then distilled a second time with ginger, nutmeg, allspice, cinnamon and pumpkin in the pot still's vapor basket.

As was previously reported on Jessica Voelkner's “Sauced” blog, old foggie Munat brother Charles helped arrange for several of Seattle's top bartenders to 23 skiddoo some drinks one afternoon at Rob Roy using many of the Corsair products. Jamie Boudreau, Andrew Bohrer, Paul Clarke, Zane Harris and Phillip Trickey of Rob Roy, and Jay Kuehner of Sambar all did what they could with a box of Corsair bottles and a truly bizarre collection of complementary ingredients the clearly senile Charles brought with him. The results were predictably brilliant and delicious (so I'm told, I wasn't actually there for the tastings, some of us actually work for a living).

Bearing the old adage “anything a bartender can do I can do better" in mind, I finally got my own turn to play around with the Corsair products. We'd proven that geniuses can make drinks with it. Now it was time to see how it fared in the hands of an imbecile. I of course had a notable advantage on the geniuses in not having to use peanut butter or mung beans (Charles, if you're reading, there are easier ways to clean out our fridge before a move to Argentina).

With the Pumpkin Spice moonshine, inspiration struck quickly, and on the very first try, I came up with something I liked. I was inspired not only by the booze itself, but by a scintillating exchange the night before with the legendary Autumn Waddell of The Zig Zag Cafe, in which we envisioned a drink that would warm the cockles of the heart to such an extent as to make it almost uncomfortable, and perhaps requiring oven mitts, while at the same time begging the question, “what the fuck is a cockle?”

The Hot Cockles

1 ½ ounce Corsair Pumpkin Spice Moonshine
¾ ounce Lillet Blanc
½ ounce Canton Ginger Liqueur
2 dashes peach bitters
5 drops Thai Chili Tincture

stir all ingredients over ice
strain into a chilled cocktail glass
twist a broad peel of orange over the drink to express the oils, and garnish with the peel

The orange peel is important here. The Thai Chili Tincture was introduced to me by both Jon Santer and Erik Adkins of Heaven's Dog in San Francisco. Both of them contributed drinks to Left Coast Libations using this tincture, Jon in the Dragon Variation and Erik in Carter Beats the Devil. To make it, simply break the stems off of Thai chilies and fill a jar with them, then pour Wray and Nephew overproof rum until the jar's filled for reals. Let it sit for two weeks and then strain it out. And for the love of god wear gloves when making it and clearly label any bottle housing this tincture. It is very sad when someone tastes a drop of Chili Tincture thinking it's some sort of bitters.

The Hot Cockles, by the way, has an 11:1 kill ratio. That's awesome.

Next I began ominously circling the bottle of Red Absinthe. It began to shiver with fear, knowing it's time was up. Now, I want to clarify that I am not on the payroll for Canton Ginger Liqueur, but I ended up using it again. As the brokest mo-fo in the whole damn cocktail industry, my liquor cabinet typically hosts 3-4 bottles at any given time, and so the ingredients of drinks can become very familiar. This of course fuels my creativity, not to mention my disaffected and resentful attitude about modern civilization and my distrust and loathing for capitalism, or as I prefer to call it, “The Global Cancer System.”

Anywho, here's a yummy drink!!!

Global Cancer System, AKA The Dirk Blocker

2 ounces Laird's Bonded Apple Brandy
1 ounce Cinzano Rosso
½ ounce Canton Ginger Liqueur
¼ ounce Corsair Red Absinthe
2 dashes Angostura Bitters

stir all ingredients over ice
strain into a chilled cocktail glass
methinks an orange peel garnish, though I reserve the right to reverse field on this
then ya drink it down!
That's mean!

This is a sweet drink. So shoot me. I'm not afraid of sweet drinks, for the same reason why I'm not afraid to let my car shift itself.

Finally, there was the matter of the wee little gin. For this, I went with something decidedly simple and lending promotion of one of my favorite Seattle-based cocktail products, Scrappy's Bitters.

Something Decidedly Simple with Scrappy's Bitters, AKA The Robert Conrad

2 ounces Corsair Gin
1 ounce Dolin Blanc
2 dashes Scrappy's Lavender Bitters.

stir all ingredients over ice
strain into a chilled cocktail glass
twist a lemon peel over the drink to express the oils, and garnish the drink with the peel

And there you have a whirlwind of mixological wizardry from me on the bent wings of the Corsair. For a peep at the full list of Corsair products (they also have an un-aged rye, a spiced rum, and a vanilla bean vodka) and for a full list of places you might be able to find Corsair, go to their web site. Then go to that place that has that Corsair, have a delicious Dirk Blocker, and feast on a platter of Hot Cockles.

Yes, Seattle is a perverse and glorious town. Revel in it.

Adieu, mon frère

2009-11-24T15:34:00.000-08:00

If you are in the Seattle area this evening, join us at the Zig Zag Cafe from 8pm until whenever for a going away gathering for the eldest Munat Brother, Charles. In a few days, Charles will leave Seattle for a whirlwind tour of Portland, the Bay Area, Sonoma, and Los Angeles, before leaving on a jet plane for Mexico and eventually Argentina.

Rumors that Charles' relocation to Argentina is a strategic maneuver in the Munat Bros plot for world domination are greatly exaggerated...or exaggerated...or slightly exaggerated...or spot on...or an understatement. Somewhere on that spectrum lies the truth.

So join us please, unless you suck and we hate you, in which case stay away. We will bid adieu to Charles while at the same time honoring the great Murray Stenson by RUINING HIS NIGHT with our boorish behavior, vague drink demands, and with the sheer volume of our posse.

Charles also plans to assume his Chuck D. alter-ego and perform You Gonna Get Yours.

Munat Bros posse on the town in Seattle one last time yo. Suckas to the side I know you hate, my 98...You gonna get yours.

t

The Carousel of Events, Willy Shine, and Appleton Rums

2009-11-18T14:41:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, there was a little blog called Le Mixeur. It was a dusty-headed memoir emanating from a rustic wood table in the dimly lit dining room of a simple house in Greenwood, as the author kept his flame alive through the dismal and tempestuous autumn and winter by exciting the senses with a plethora of new flavors and textures, in the form of spirits, liqueurs, fortified wines, and bitters only recently introduced to the lexicon of his experience.

Beneath all the scrawling and run-on sentences, one true and pure message bleated from every passage of these early bloggings, over and achingly over again: "will you please come to my party?" "will you please come to my party?" "will you please come to my party?"

And beneath these pleas was one even simpler, purer message, one that all of us cry out with every word we speak and action we undertake: "love me."

Admit something:
Everyone you see, you say to them, "Love me."
Of course you do not do this out loud, otherwise someone would call the cops.
Still, though, think about this, this great pull in us to connect.
Why not become the one who lives with a full moon in each eye
that is always saying,
with that sweet moon language,
what every other eye in this world is dying to hear?

- hafiz

These days, seems most of what gets reported on this blog - what little gets reported at all - is about other people's events, other people wanting you to come to their parties, other people wanting your love. I've reported on Chartreuse events at Rob Roy and Vessel, on Cointreau events at Rob Roy, on Le Mixeur 737 (a little love for me), on Murray Stenson's birthday party at Elemental, and of course Tales of the Cocktail. I've also attended the Great American Distillers Festival in Portland recently, and M.C.'d a Canton Ginger Liqueur event at Vessel (which saw Jay Kuehner of Left Coast Libations and Sambar take the prize in the form of a trip to St. Martin for the worldwide competition).

The past two nights have brought many of the WSBG membership and other cocktail glitterati to Barrio, first on Monday for the WSBG holiday event featuring Mr. Paul Clarke and his flaming clove-studded naranjas (we don't normally do Spanish on Le Mixeur but flaming clove-studded naranjas just sounded way dirtier than flaming clove-studded oranges).

how you like dem naranjas?

Keith Waldbauer loves cupping Paul's red hot naranjas!
Andrew Friedman says "house on fire! house on fire! put it out! put it out!"

All the above nonsense was part of the creation of the Christmas Rum Punch, in which oranges are treated like prisoners at Abu Grahib: first punctured multiple times with cloves, then baked, then submerged in flaming rum, then drowned in cider, then thrown out in a heap in the alley. Paul wrote about this punch on his own blog years ago, back when he was still an intern for Le Mixeur. In the directions for the drink provided at the Holiday Event, Paul tells us to "drizzle flaming booze into the punch bowl." Let me just tell you folks, if you have not seen Paul's flaming booze drizzle technique yet, you are missing out on, dare I say, the finest flaming booze drizzle since prohibition. Paul's even in a punk band called Flaming Booze Drizzle (editor's note: he most certainly is not).

The Christmas Rum Punch was one of five drinks Paul served. 5? Yes 5. Leave it to Paul and the WSBG to serve people 5 stiff drinks 10 feet away from the bar at Barrio on 1/2 price tequila night. Guys, next time, provide a shuttle and a medic.

Yeah. That was fun.

The very next night we found ourselves right back at Barrio (though I have a suspicion some of us never left) for a dinner with the creators and distributors of El Zacatecano Mezcal, a distillery founded in 1910 in Huitzila, Mexico by the Lamas family, who still own and operate it to this day. Apparently the best-selling Mezcal in Mexico, it is now being introduced to the U.S. by La Plaza International, a distribution operation founded by our hosts Mike Sotelo and Rose Marie Ocuaman, and by fellow host and salon guru (and former potato farm worker) Gene Juarez, and by the conspicuously absent baseball legend Edgar Martinez. It's really too bad Edgar couldn't make it, because it turns out Jim Romdall of Vessel does a really good rendition of the "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeddddggaaaaaaaaaaarrrr" chant. At any rate, we ate shrimp tacos and ahi tuna and pork bellies and creme brulee and drank the blanco, reposado, and anejo, and reposado (did I mention reposado?) and made merry and a good time was had by all and I am rooting for the Lamas famiglia (there we go with the Spanish again! I sense a trend!).

And this, at long last in typical Le Mixeur fashion, brings us to the current event at hand:

Appleton Rums and Contemporary Cocktails Inc. Present Willy Shine at The Rob Roy !!!

"Prove That You Love Us"

Monday, November 23rd, 5-7pm.
2332 Second Ave
PH - 206 - 956 - VICE
RSVP to: info (at) contemporarycocktailsinc (dot) com

This event is intended for professional bartenders and RSVP is REQUIRED.

From Contemporary Cocktails Inc.:

Rumthusiasts,

Come take a stroll through the (legal!) essence of Jamaican flavors at Rob Roy with Contemporary Cocktails' Willy Shine. While bestowing upon you the mighty bounty of Appleton Estate Reserve Rum, Willy and the Rob Roy staff will spark up the evening with some hand-crafted classic creations as well as the "Reserve Luxury Daiquiri," “Appleton Ting" and the "Dub Treo."

Willy Shine is one of the most respected bartenders in this fine land, and co-founder (along with Aisha Sharpe) of Contemporary Cocktails Inc. Their mission:

"...to raise the cocktail bar to new heights through spirit education, spirit and cocktail history, and identification of innovative ingredients respective of balance and flavor. Contemporary Cocktails takes the approach of bringing the kitchen to the bar, believing a bartender should put the same effort into his or her cocktails that a chef puts into his or her cuisine. Contemporary Cocktails Inc. is BAR (Beverage Alcohol Resource) certified and is the supervisor of the Beverage Alcohol Resource (BAR) Program, which is the spirits and mixology equivalent of a Master of Wine or Master Sommelier program."

That's all I got folks. Again the address to RSVP is info (at) contemporarycocktailsinc (dot) com, and they are looking for about 30-40 bartenders to come enjoy and learn from one of the masters.

And so we do hereby declare Le Mixeur your premier spot for updates on events and happenings around the Seattle cocktail scene...sort of...if I remember to write about things...as long as people don't ostracize me...again. Sigh. Will you please come to my party?

Reminder of the Coming Chartreusecalypse

2009-10-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

As was chronicled previously in this space, Jackie Patterson will be at Rob Roy guest bartending this evening. She has prepared a menu of original cocktails featuring the various wonderful forms of Chartreuse. Chartreuse Brand Ambassador Todd Richman and Chartreuse President Jean Marc will also be present and showering us all with love.

(Editor's note: report of love showers are unconfirmed and mere hearsay at this point in time.)

Rob Roy is at 2332 2nd Ave (corner of 2nd and Battery). Festivities begin at 6pm. Come early and stay long.

Also, on Tuesday the 13th from 1-3pm, Vessel will host a Chartreuse luncheon. This event is open and FREE to members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild (WSBG). You may become a member of the WSBG by going to their web site. The event will feature tastings, cocktails, food, and a badger with a gun.

(Editor's note: reports of badgers with guns at the Vessel luncheon are unconfirmed, unsubstantiated, and pretty stupid.)

Vessel is located at 1312 5th Ave (between Union and University on 5th). Those who are late do not get fruit cup.

Come join us for these events, or else some of us will cry and others of us will kill you.

love,
t.mixeur

Chartreuse Universe

2009-10-07T13:52:00.000-07:00

-
In the words of the immortal Trouble Funk, "whatcha gonna do?"

And in the words of the immortal crowd at the Trouble Funk show, "Let's get small!"

Allow me to repeat...

"Whatcha gonna do?"
"Let's get small!"

Folks, let's gather at Rob Roy in Seattle this coming Monday evening the 12th of October, drink some Chartreuse, and get small.

Last time I drank Chartreuse I got tiny. No one could see me. It made me giggle.

Stream of consciousness interjection: In one of the most unexpected and possibly unwanted explosions of spontaneous publicity in the annals of cinematic gore-fest history, copious amounts of Chartreuse were consumed by the mind-blowingly creepy Quentin Tarantino and several nubile young women in Mr. Q's film, "Deathproof." As some of the nubile women choked and demanded to know what foul potion "Warren" had coerced them to consume, "Warren" simply cackled and proclaimed Chartreuse to be the only liquor so good they named a color after it. A few scenes later, the women's car was torpedoed by Kurt Russel's deathmobile, and the filmmaker treated us to several re-creations of the crash from a variety of angles in order to fully illustrate how their limbs were ripped from their bodies and organs dredged from their torsos.

Somewhere, off in the hills of France, a monk harvested herbs...

In honor of the late, great, stand-up career of Mr. Steve Martin, I always like to start off any blog post by writing one thing that is, in fact, impossible. And for tonight's impossible feat, I will bring the previous words on Deathproof and Trouble Funk and monks in hills full circle and explain how this is all relevant to discerning drinkers and fun seekers in the greater Seattle area. And I will do this with a mere 5 words. 5 precious words...

Jackie Patterson at Rob Roy

Jackie Patterson at Rob Roy. And Chartreuse president Jean Marc and Chartreuse brand ambassador Todd Richman as well. This will happen this coming Monday, October 12th, from 6-11pm. Trust me. You need to be here for this.

jackie p. sips the yellow stuff

I love Jackie. Sure, I could sit here and spill about her resume, her successes, her bona fides, and you'd no doubt sit back in your arm chair or bar stool (careful please when sitting back in bar stools) and say something pithy along the lines of "damn." But that's boring stupid shit I like to let other boring stupid people talk about. Instead let me illustrate in a way most me...

When I was 5, I was all set to head to my friend John's house. It had all been arranged by our parents. These days they'd call it a play date but in dem's days we called it chillin. As we prepared to depart, my feet turned cold and I told my mother I didn't want to go, as I feared John was too loud a person to make the day a success. Certainly I couldn't spend an afternoon with such a loud boy without negative ramifications. My mother said she was certain John couldn't be as loud as all that.

Feeling the urgency of the need to fully express to this woman exactly what laid in store for me should she sentence me to an afternoon with loud John, I explained to her as such: "If the sun and the moon could sing, John could sing louder."

Folks, the point is, should the sun and the moon bathe themselves in Chartreuse, then radiate and reflect all its herbal glory, they would be obscured by the shadows of what Ms. Jackie Patterson can and will do with the same resources at her disposal. And so, shunning sun and moon, Zane Harris and Anu Apte have asked Jackie to create a Chartreuse solar system, and it's axis will be ever so slightly behind that black, space-like bar at Rob Roy.

This solar system will involve drinks that found their origin in the light of Jackie for each form of Chartreuse - green, yellow, green V.E.P., yellow V.E.P., and elixir vegetal.

Stream of consciousness interjection: I wanna do shots of the elixir vegetal with Quentin and meet Kurt Russel in a field in Vauvert, settle this like men while the monks harvest herbs in the distance.

I love Chartreuse. Oh sure I could sit here and spill about the history of Chartreuse and it's bona fides and awards it probably won. But that's boring stupid shit I'll let other boring stupid people talk about. Let the greatness of Chartreuse be pronounced via two means:

1) the great Anu Apte created a drink based on my love of Chartreuse. It was called the TLC - Ted Loves Chartreuse - until I proclaimed my love for the TLC. At that point it was re-named the TLTLC - Ted Loves Ted Loves Chartreuse. I love the TLTLC. Which I would imagine makes it the TLTLTLC...and so Chartreuse and Anu and I go into infinity. Dig?

(TL) (TL) (TL) TLTLC

2 ounce rye
1/2 ounce green chartreuse
1/4 ounce apricot liqueur

stir and strain, hand to Ted

2) Left Coast Libations, that ground breaking book written by the amazingly non-terrestrial Ted Munat, aka me, features no less than eight (8) drinks with Chartreuse in them. Drinks range from tall, effervescent, tequila based drinks from Duggan McDonnell to stiff, rye-based drinks from Erik Hakkinen. Such is the versatility of the favored shot of Warren and the deathproof gals.

Here's one of my favorites, created by one my favorites, Mr. Kelley Swenson of ten01 in Portland, OR.

Toto

3/4 ounce green Chartreuse
3/4 ounce Cynar
3/4 ounce reposado tequila (Kelley often uses El Jimador, but Cazadores also works like a mutha fucka!)

stir and serve up, no garnish
a shared creation of Kelley and Timothy Davey of Beaker and Flask. The same drink with gin instead of tequila is also delicious and Kelley calls it a Broken Flower. I made it once at home and my mixing glass cracked and fell to pieces as I stirred. That's bad ass. And Kelley still owes me a mixing glass.

So please, come to Rob Roy this coming Monday, October 12th, round about 6pm. We don't care who you are or what you do, we don't care if you're poor or rich, guild or non-guild, left handed or right handed, Warren or nubile young woman. Whoever you are, we just want to create something beautiful for you. Can you just give us the pleasure of this one simple act? I'll be there cleaning up after Jackie, a task I seize with unmitigated passion. I am, for one night, custodian of this blessed Chartreuse stained universe.

Yeah. Come. See you there. Bye.

Rob Roy, Cointreau, And The Continuing Saga Of The WSBG

2009-09-19T12:15:00.000-07:00

This coming Tuesday, September 22nd, Cointreau Brand Ambassador Erin Williams will be at Rob Roy at 2nd and Battery in Belltown from 3-5pm. Erin will talk about Cointreau, new cocktail trends, and her favorite fall drinks. Free appetizers and free Cointreau cocktails will be served.

This event is exclusively for members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild. Why, you may ask, am I publicizing an event that is members only? Simple, stupid! We the members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild want you the non-members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild to become we the members of the Washington State Bartenders Guild! Let's get a little unity here. There's too much "we" and "they" in this world people. Let's eradicate these divisions that separate us and inevitably lead to conflict and despair. And let's do it in the most holistic manner possible: by THEY joining WE...by YOU joining US.

When Gandhi said "we must become the change we hope to see in the world," what he meant was "join the Washington State Bartenders Guild." When Martin Luther King said, "The time is always right to do the right thing," he was saying the same. When John Lennon said "I am the walrus" ...well...anyone know what the hell he was talking about there? Sure the hell wasn't anything about a bartenders guild.

Anyway, you don't have to be a professional bartender to join the guild. It is a guild of both professionals and enthusiasts. You can sign up easily online. If you'd joined the guild when it formed in 2008, by now you could have attended the WSBG kickoff party, at which delicious cocktails were served for free by some of the area's best bartenders and all sorts of folks got the chance to meet one another.

There was also the Absinthe event, at which Gwydion Stone (Absinthe Marteau , The Wormwood Society) and Paul Clarke (Imbibe Magazine, SF Chronicle, etc.) spoke to a standing room only crowd prior to serving free Absinthe cocktails and tastings of Absinthe from Marteau, Pacifique, Leopold Brothers, Lucid, Pernod, St. George, Taboo, and Trillium).

Then came the vermouth event, which I missed out on sadly, but let's just say I found myself in the general vicinity of Zane and Anu's refrigerator a few times in the weeks after the event (ever wonder how many bottles of vermouth can fit into one fridge? I don't anymore).

There also was the Maker's Mark luncheon at Zig Zag, when we were joined by Mr. Maker's Mark himself, Bill Samuels. Bill treated us all to lunch while Murray Stenson and Erik Hakkinen made us drinks. Bill gave a talk about the history of Maker's Mark, handed out signed bottles of his bourbon, and asked me what part of Ireland I am from. "County Connecticut" I replied.

And there have been other events that I either was too drunk to remember or were kept secret from me and other Munats for obvious reasons centered on the community's general loathing of us. Oh, and there was also Ben's Magnum PI/Coors Light birthday party and Jim's Soul Train birthday party. Those weren't really guild events but you never know, if you were in the guild maybe you would have been invited.

Now is an excellent time to join the guild. In addition to this event, there will be an evening at Rob Roy October 12th with Chartreuse president Jean Marc and guest bartender Jackie Patterson (Jackie Patterson!!!) of Heaven's Dog in San Francisco. The following afternoon there is a Chartreuse luncheon at Vessel (more info on both these events will be provided in this space in coming weeks). And there are many talks and plans afoot for other events, both grande and piccolo.

And aside from the events, becoming part of the guild is a great way to support the art of the cocktail and the highest form of craft bartending. You do this by becoming a part of this community and lending your brains, heart, and occasionally a few smackers. I forget how much dues are but I know it's more than 50 dollars and less than 10 million. The money you spend goes to a good cause and your investment will be repaid to you ten fold in the form of free events and new pals. Just don't make me one of your new pals because you will - and I want to make this very, very clear - you will end up buying me drinks...and loaning me money I don't ever pay back. And I will sleep with your wife (or husband) and just basically screw you over. So to recap: join the guild, go to free events, make new friends...avoid Ted Munat at all costs.

You can sign up for the guild by going to their web site, and I'll bet if you show up at Rob Roy Tuesday between 3 and 5pm and say you want to join they can hook you up.

How was my sales pitch? See you there?

Le Mixeur 737 est Le Mixeur Mémoires

2009-08-20T11:25:00.000-07:00

Le Mixeur 737 est Le Mixeur Bye Bye

Saturday, August 29, 2009, 7:37pm

Le Mixeur Deux, Le Mixeur Trois, Le Mixeur Quatre, and Le Mixeur Chaton Ralph were all held in a special house, a house where the Mixeur Magique blossomed and pollenated and scattered its seeds.

Our host for these blessed times, LeLa Mixeur, is moving away from this home, and so we're going to christen it goodbye with one last, fading stab at glory, also known as Le Mixeur 737.

We'll do this like we used to. We will provide the cocktails, the dance floor, and the warmth. You Mixers bring your creativity and your most spirited persona and, in concert with your fellow Mixers, shape the evening as you will.

Yours truly will be behind the bar, along with trusty pal Jon Santer, and we will make drinks as if our lives depended on it, because quite frankly, they just might. Drinks will be available for the can't-be-beat price of $4 each. They will likely include:

Danubian Plain - cognac, muscat, st. germain, lemon, orange bitters, berries.

A creation of T.Mixeur's highly thought of at Le Mixeur Quatre.

Give Me Your Hand - pisco, madeira, cointreau, pomegranate liqueur.

Another popular T.Mixeur creation from Le Mixeur Quatre

Dragon Variation - martin millers gin, dolin blanc vermouth, house made thai chili tincture.

Mr. Santer's contribution to both Left Coast Libations and Le Mixeur Six.

Badminton Club - martin millers gin, lime, mint, cucumber, simple syrup.

A classic cocktail introduced to me recently by Evan Zimmerman of Laurelhurst Market in Portland.

(Drink options subject to change, but you get the idea).

Out of respect to the privacy of the residents of our Mixeur home, I cannot publish the street address in this space. Please email t(dot)mixeur(at)gmail(dot)com for this information.

Bring your instruments, your vocal chords, your spinning and swirling limbs, your frantic hearts, and your thirst!

We long for one last chance to adore you.

T.Mixeur

C'est Officiel ! Anu Apte + Zane Harris = Rob Roy

2009-08-17T19:53:00.000-07:00

Or A+Z=RR if you ARE into the whole brevity thing...

(Editor's full disclosure: the author has long been engaged in a torrid yet platonic love affair with Anu Apte and Zane Harris, and therefore proclaims no semblance of objectivity with regards to the following report...We would also endeavor to mention that the following report will be devoid of journalistic integrity, but for those of you who have so much as stolen a glimpse of this blog in the past, this disclaimer would seem to be redundant at best, moronic at worst.)

That all said...

Anu Apte and Zane Harris are the two greatest bartenders on planet earth, the world's two greatest visionaries with regards to how to create the perfect bar, and nothing short of gods in the realm of pleasing their customers. It is therefore a foregone conclusion that a trip to a bar owned by these two warriors for all that is good and sacred will certainly, without variation, provide one with an orgiastic experience so transcendent in its sublimity and so lubricious in its boundlessness, that it will undoubtedly leave one quivering and quaking with unmitigated joy, alternating moments of doubt at one's ability to withstand such delight with rapturous yieldings to the wise, benevolent force that is so much greater than all of us: Anu and Zane.

So, isn't it a stroke of good luck then that they got their own damn bar?

After many fits and starts and highs and lows and maniacal cackling and hysterical sobbing and visions and nightmares and pink fluffy bunnies with fangs and clowns on acid and beat poets playing rugby and unleavened bread dipped in chutney and crazy old ladies with baguettes and packets of mayonaise eating on city buses and victimless crimes involving domesticated bison and many other things too numerous to list in this space...Anu and Zane finally own Motherfuckin Rob Roy!

(Editor's note: "motherfuckin" was added by the author for dramatic effect. The name of the bar is simply "Rob Roy.")

So where's that leave us?

Tonight Anu and Zane will be debuting a new cocktail menu made up entirely of classics such as the Gin Sling and Old Fashioned, with utmost attention to details and the proper making of each drink. This menu will only be a stopgap, however, until they unleash a full cocktail BOOK. This BOOK will be thrust upon the populace after a period of renovation is completed, most likely at the end of this month/beginning of the next. The "rich uncle's basement bar," or "70s playboy lounge" or "freaky Belltown condo-owning perv" feel of the space will be kept, with a few upgrades and repairs. The bulk of the renovations will be behind the bar, including a rebuild of the wells, removal of the beer taps, removal of the soda guns, new glassware, and a brand stinkin' new Kold Draft Ice machine.

(editor's note: "stinkin" is a slang term. The Kold Draft machine will, in fact, be odorless)

There will be many more updates and revelations to come. Stay tuned...

In the mean time, get thee to Rob Roy at 2nd and Battery in Seattle. Things will only get better and better with each passing day and each improvement made, so upon arrival consider yourself on a launch pad. Lasso that rocket and ride it like you were Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove with the film going in reverse!

Oh and order mucho cocktails while you're lassoing there, Tex.

Joyeux Anniversaire Monsieur Stenson!

2009-07-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

This coming Sunday, July 26th, in Seattle, WA, USA, many of the most wonderful cocktail souls of the Northwest will gather together to honor that immortal mentor to so many of us, Murray Stenson. Apparently the occasion is the anniversary of his birth, which our sources tell us occurred "a number of years ago."

Folks will come together at sensational Seattle dining spot Elemental for a multi-course meal, featuring apertif and digestif cocktails created by Portland's Evan Zimmerman of Laurelhurst Market and Dave Shenaut of Teardrop Lounge, along with wine pairings chosen by Elemental co-owner Phred Westfall, who happens to be a genius when it comes to this. In addition to the usual cast of characters from Seattle, we're looking forward to being joined by Jeffrey Morgenthaler and Daniel Shoemaker from Portland, and, god and border patrol willing, David Wolowidnyk of Vancouver, B.C.

Seating for the dinner is extremely limited. So limited, in fact, that there is none. However, all are free to join in after dinner, around 9pm, for post-meal cocktails and shameless fraternizing. This is, indeed, the portion of the evening yours truly will be present for, once the evil wheat-infested food has been safely cleared away. Give me a PB&J on spelt bread and a Red Stripe and I'm ready for Murray Birthday Cocktail Hour!

There is no guarantee, however, that Murray will stick around much after dinner. There's really only so much adulation the man can take in one evening, and considering the mind-boggling cast of butt-kissers that have been assembled for this dinner, he'll probably be pretty maxed out by 9pm. Sadly, Murray still clings to the illusion that free will exists, so he tends to come and go as he pleases. We once attempted to get him to stay longer than he wanted by super-gluing his trousers to his chair. We failed to recognize, however, that Murray is the sort who shan't hesitate to drop his pants in public, particularly when escape from the Munat Brothers is at stake.

My brother Charles is the orchestrator of this event, and deserves praise for putting it together, not to mention shock and awe for having gotten Murray to agree to this. Apparently, Murray's approval was only secured when it was agreed to make this event a fund raiser for the Washington State Bartenders Guild. So 34 people will fork over a cool chunk of change for dinner in the laps of the guild, plus whatever comes in for drinks later. Well done Murray! We can throw a Mixeur with all that money!

Speaking of which, why not mention and honor this event's fine and honorable sponsors? Yes, why not? They are William Grant and Sons, Makers Mark, and something called...Marteau?

For those of you unable to attend the dinner who would like to join in for cocktails, meet me at Oliver's Twist around 7pm. We'll have some cocktails there and engage in my favorite hobby, harassing Robert Detchon Rowland! I'll bring the spelt bread PB&J's.

Happy Birthday Murray!

photo from NY TImes used entirely without permission. Ha ha!

UPDATE: an anonymous tip just came in. Our analysts are still working it over, but it appears to be a...cocktail menu? Yes, a cocktail menu! We are now authorized to state with at least 85% certainty that this is the actual cocktail menu for the event!

N.S. Pimm's
Pimms, Cucumber Soda, Ginger Juice

The Pilar
Rum, Grapefruit, Lime, Creme de Violette

Blue Moon
Clear Creek Slivovitz, Zwack, Lime, Honey Syrup, Lavender Mescal

Jerez Collins
Hendrick's, Amontillado Sherry, Lemon, Sugar, Orange Bitters

AKA Burro Punsch
Milagro Reposado, Batavia Arrak, Carpano Antica Formula,
Amaro Nardini, Ginger Liqueur

The Double Windsor
Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum, Orgeat, Orange Juice, Campari,
Marteau Absinthe

Loretto Noir
Maker's Mark, Amaro Montenegro, Pimento Dram

whoooop-paaa!

Obligatory Blog Post Proudly Proclaiming The Author's Imminent Voyage To Tales

2009-07-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

True debauchery is liberating because it creates no obligations. In it you possess only yourself; hence it remains the favorite pastime of the great lovers of their own person.

- Albert Camus

Hey, wait a minute. That sounds like a knock on debauchery. But never fear, dear ones, the great Albert also spoke thus:

Your successes and happiness are forgiven you only if you generously consent to share them.

And so, we all shall go to New Orleans, and we shall generously consent to share our debaucheries, and in so doing our happiness shall be forgiven, even by the notoriously grumpy Monsieur Camus.

Brace yourself, children. Tales Of The Cocktail is upon us.

I, Mixeur, Hath Infused

2009-07-05T12:21:00.000-07:00

Before heading off to Tales and turning over the subject of this blog to all things related to that always epic event, I wanted to sneak in a report on my participation in a competition we the bloggers were invited to join. The challenge involved creating an infusion of Oval Vodka, parlaying the resultant infusion into a cocktail, and submitting recipes for both the infusion and cocktail, along with an actual 8 ounce sample of the infusion conjured. In exchange for participation, Oval provided us with a bottle of the vodka, a shipping label, and a jar salvaged form the Polaner All Fruit factory. The promised reward for the winner? Two nights stay at the Monteleone during Tales, plus the right to wear a glorious gold lamé sash saying "Oval Infusion Champ-ee-awn Suckas!"

I initially had grandiose ideas for this contest, involving the recruitment of herbal experts to act as consultants, and foraging expeditions into the local forest for wild berries. Wisely, I quickly abandoned these ideas, instead going to the food co-op and randomly picking a couple of things that smelled nice. In the end, I infused my vodka with Calendula (aka Marigold) and Rose Hips. Calendula has a very mild, mellow flavor, and probably impacts an infusion more texturally than in taste, as its oils release into the vodka and give it a velvety feel. If one were pressed to compare Calendula to something, Saffron might be fair. In fact, Calendula is frequently used as a culinary substitute for Saffron. The Rose Hips add a little tang and sharpness.

Should anyone care to know, Calendula is used medicinally, primarily in a topical fashion, and its greatest benefit is to the skin. It also is used to treat menstrual pain and yeast infections (Il fait une bonne douche! Excusez-moi, je suis désolé! Tee-hee-hee). Don't no one never tell me Le Mixeur does not care about the women of the world.

Rose Hips are high in vitamin C, as well as vitamins D and E. They have therefore been used as an immune system booster for centuries, particularly among indigenous peoples. There is actually a precedent for the use of Rose Hips in alcohol. Pálinka, a distillate produced from wild or farmed fruit growing in Hungary, is sometimes made in small batch variety from Rose Hips (to excellent effect, so I've read). Additionally, Zwack produces a Kosher Plum Palinka that is "aged on a bed of rose hips." Whatever you say there Zzzzwackk.

Realizing my esteemed colleagues Gabriel Szaszko of Cocktail Nerd and Rick Stutz of Kaiser Penguin would be judging these infusions, I decided to give them an early Christmas present, and so into the infusion I also placed approximately 400 micrograms of some of the purest L.S.D. you're likely to find these days. Enjoy boys! Drink mine first! Hopefully this explains why I also included a copy of The Joyous Cosmology in the box.

(editor's note: there is probably not any L.S.D. in the infusion)

T.Mixeur's Cosmological Oval Elixeur

1 bottle Oval Vodka
1 cup dried Calendula
4 tblsp dried rose hips

optional: copious quantities of a synthetic chemical derived from ergot alkaloids produced by the ergot fungus, which grows on rye.

combine in a jar and let sit for 24 hours
strain out calendula and rose hips

The cocktail I then made featured a fabulous combination of ingredients I had left over from the previous month's Mixeur Six.

Inchworm

1 ½ oz Calendula/Rose Hip infused vodka
½ oz Dolin Blanc Vermouth
½ oz lime juice
¼ oz Saffron Syrup (recipe below)
dash angostura bitters

shake and strain into a cocktail glass
garnish with sprig of fresh thyme

Saffron Syrup a la Anu Apte

1 1/4 cups water
2 cups sugar
1/4 cup rose water
generous 1/4 teaspoon saffron strands
1 tablespoon water

Make a saffron extract by heating the tablespoon of water to near boil.
Crush the saffron strands between thumb and finger. Add the crushed saffron to hot water. Let it rest about 15 minutes.
Meanwhile, add water and sugar in a heavy bottom pan. Heat till all the sugar is dissolved. Let it come to a boil. Ideally, reach 220 ºF.
Add the Rose Water to the saffron extract, then add all to the sugar syrup.
Cook about 5 minutes. Turn off heat and let it rest.
After it cools it may be stored in a jar or bottle. You may leave the saffron threads in the syrup or remove. (leave 'em in they pretty)

Something about this combo of ingredients caused this drink to be nice and frothy, almost as if one had added egg white. Possibly it was the toxic and deadly chemicals in calendula that should not ever be consumed internally by anyone, ever, under any circumstances. Possibly it was the LSD. Possibly the jar Oval sent me was previously used for dish soap and had not been properly washed. I'm sure you'll agree that all possibilities are quite appetizing! Make one now, and share with all your friends.

And there you have it. We now all await the results of the contest, which should come as soon as Gabriel regains the ability to form coherent words and Rick stops lying on the floor digging the trails his hand makes when he twirls it around.

Next up: Tales Galore...

Le Mixeur Leftoveur est Le Mixeur Home

2009-06-28T14:33:00.000-07:00

Le Mixeur Leftoveur will be held at the home of T.Mixeur, which lies somewhere among the peaceful residences of an area some would call Greenwood, and others North Ballard. For specific location, send electronic mail of inquiry to t.mixeur at gmail dot com.

Fitting might it be that the most impromptu, informal Mixeur yet should be held in the home of its creator. And full circle might have Le Mixeur come, seeing as this will be the first Mixeur to be served on home turf since the first one. Will this then be the last? One neveur knows.

Six drinks will be offeured, three in punch form and three cocktails. Four of these may look familiar to those of you who attended Le Mixeur Six. It is a Leftoveur, after all. Variety comes by way of serving Eric Alperin's "Kingsbury" punch style, and doing the same for Anu Apte's "Saffron Sour" by removing the egg white and instead pouring on some bubblies.

And if that weren't enough dalliances into the new and unexplored, we also provide you, the Mixer, with an additional Left Coast Libations concoction, David Nelson's "Kentucky Tuxedo." And just for good measure, we serve a semi-original creation of T.Mixeur's, the "William Holden." The William Holden uses a bastardized version of Jamie Boudreau's beer liqueur, and is included here because, well, I made some beer liqueur and what the hell else am I going to do with it?

punches

whiskey barrel

marcos tello, the edison, los angeles

bulleit bourbon, monin pomegranate syrup

lemon, angostura bitters, cava

kingsbury

eric alperin, varnish, los angeles

campari, noilly pratt dry vermouth

licor 43, lime, cava

saffron

anu apte, vessel and rob roy, seattle

pacific distilleries voyager gin

housemade saffron syrup

lemon, lime, angostura bitters, cava

cocktails

dragon variation

jon santer, heaven's dog, san francisco

martin millers gin, dolin blanc vermouth

housemade thai chili tincture

kentucky tuxedo

david nelson, spur and tavern law, seattle

bulleit bourbon, lustau amontillado sherry

housemade lavender syrup

regan's orange bitters

william holden

ted munat, this house

bulleit bourbon, campari

boudreau's beer liqueur, lemon

We will be serving up drinks from a lovely bar I built on the back deck, made from half an old futon frame with some plywood laid over the slats, lying across two columns of milk crates and a card table. We'll ignite the world's most Wabi charcoal grill and get it greased up with some food, but also advise people to bring their own food to grill should they wish to be guaranteed food consumption. Also, in lieu of DJ or live band, we have lovingly crafted a play list of the finest Nu Yorican roots music, along with some Brazilian soul, and a little New Orleans funk as we look ahead to Tales.

Rumors abound that drinks at this event are $5. Ha! Of course not! That would be illegal! Howeveur, the point of this event is to recoup some or all of the losses we incurred at Le Mixeur Six. Yes, we reveal this sordid detail here publicly for the very first time. Le Mixeur Six, which was designed as a fund raiseur to help coveur expenses for the creation of Left Coast Libations, in particular compensating our brilliant photographeur Jenn Farrington, actually came off as a loseur of several hundred dollars. The new hope is to climb back to zero, or maybe even achieve part of the original goal of Six. And to do that, we'd guess a contribution in the neighborhood of $5 per drink oughta suffice...We're just sayin'.

So to recap: Le Mixeur Leftoveur, July 2, 6pm. À la maison de T.Mixeur. Email for directions.

Punch. Cocktails. BBQ. Music. Frivolity. Gaiety. Chicaneury. Etc.

That all settled, let's peruse the Le Mixeur Leftoveur gallery, shall we?

Le Mixeur Leftoveur

2009-06-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

T.Mixeur est une personne qui se prépare! Préparation excessive!! Très très excessif!!!

And therefore there is enough liquor leftover to have a whole new Mixeur, and so shall we do so, on Thursday, July 2, somewhere in Seattle. There are currently three potential spots for this little soiree, and the winner is to be determined in the coming days. Suffice to say, Le Mixeur Leftoveur:

Le Mixeur Leftoveur, like Le Mixeur Six, will be an effort to raise funds for and awareness of Left Coast Libations, the volume of cocktail recipes and heralder of bartenders currently in the works and soon to be released. It will also act as a final gathering and send-off for the many of us heading to New Orleans for Tales of the Cocktail the following week. There will also, hopefully, be other things to celebrate. And it also will be an opporunity for me to raise a glass and share a toast with friends and fellow Mixeurs in memory of Munat family patriarch Charles Elliot Munat, who passed away June 6th.

Details and locations will be provided soon in this space and on your block and bar stool. Stay tuned...

Six

2009-05-29T21:50:00.000-07:00

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Le Mixeur Six is just about here. What more can I say? Nothing. I'm out of words, out of thoughts, and have nothing more to offer than actions, motions, and gestures.

So for parting words, I defer to an ancient friend and kindred spirit...twice, in fact, because I couldn't decide which words I liked more...

A FANCY EVENT

I
was invited
to a fancy event and when
I got their one of the guests said,

"Tukaram, your shirt is on backwards and so are
your pants,

and it looks like you never heard the word comb
and your shoes don't
match."

I replied,

"Thanks, I noticed all that before leaving,
but why try to fool
anyone."

THAT ANGEL TALKED LIKE A SAILOR

What part of Heaven did she come from?
That angel talked like a sailor
and she was dressed
enchantingly
scant.

I can't even repeat the things she said
or picture once more the shape of her breasts.

Though I know one thing:
my fear of dying has
vanished.

- Tukaram

N'oublier pas! Molly Rose Band Exécution Musicale Clandestine!

2009-05-27T14:11:00.000-07:00

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The day is nearly upon us when Le Mixeur meets Molly Rose Band, and special things ensue.

To rsvp and learn more about the details of this event, go to Molly Rose Band's site. While you're there, indulge yourself in a treat and listen to the new songs available for download. Or if you want to skip the fun stuff just email your rsvp right now to clandestine@mollyrosemusic.com .

To read T.Mixeur spouting off about the event, see this post. Then rush right back because we're about to have pictures and more words!

Molly Rose draws intricate landscapes of narrative poetry. Her music is as driven by the intrinsic rhythms of her words as by whatever nameless muse guides her. There's nothing conventional about her songs, but she's hardly a weirdo folksinger. She's just a lovely songwriter, and if you're ready to listen closely, you won't be disappointed.

-Kim Ruehl, Seattle Sound Magazine

In the words of our own Karla Starr, Molly Rose "lulls you into a pleasure coma" with single-string plucks and a cracked-bell voice.

-Brian J Barr, Seattle Weekly

(Molly) has got her acoustic singer/songwriter sound dialed in, strummed rhythm, string squeak, and an incredibly dynamic voice, with overtones that make a single line sound both about ready to cry and cry out. Her lyrics are a poetry of secret observations -- you have to listen closely, and she rarely sacrifices depth for a hook. More often, when it comes to the expected chorus, she modulates and the song heads off for new pastures. ... Man, we could listen to this stuff all day. We just might.

-Seattlest

And of course, please recall that in addition to cocktails and Molly Rose, Seattle band Pablo Trucker will perform, and we will be joined by artists Rosemary Wagner and Esther Gorsuch, whose works will be on display and available for purchase. The space itself, which I was able to view recently, is a work of art, created with what must have been pain-staking care by artist David K. Chatt. It's a special space with a special feel, and it's going to be a special night.

Joining me behind the bar will be the Great Anu Apte, and though he might not realize it yet, Zane Harris. We'll be making four drinks from Left Coast Libations, including Anu's Saffron Sandalwood Sour, which suddenly seems to be sweeping the nation.

Vous verrons-nous là ? Will we see you there?

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Le Mixeur Six Invité Spécial: Jim Romdall

2009-05-24T22:39:00.000-07:00

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Prelude

Once upon a time, T.Mixeur was in Derry (or some insist Londonderry) North Ireland. All the beauty, all the grace, all the torn-in-two of this blessed city did internalize in T.Mixeur, as he wandered the streets amongst the brawling boozers and tank wielding, bullet proof child-cops locked and loaded and ready to kill. Wonder did he what it must be like to walk to fetch a bus to one's place of employ in the morning, under the surveillance of armed youth, passing by three story high murals of the dead and buried of Bloody Sunday. And whether it was geographically or historically pertinent or not, he thought of the words of Patrick Kavanagh...

"On Pembroke Road look out for my ghost, disheveled with shoes untied. Playing through railings with little children, whose children have long since died."

Walking down a stone cobble street, T.Mixeur spotted the head of a rose, splayed out in the urban wilderness, decapitated by the closed steel garage door of one careless Derry florist. Compelled yet wordless, the rose head was quickly fetched, caressed, and contemplated.

At that very moment, a friend, dressed in all black, appeared down the hill, on that same cobbled street, and emanating similar bleatings of remorse to T.Mixeur and the rose head. Those two people did spot each other simultaneously, rushed towards one another, and embraced. The rose head passed hands, and the meaning of it all was self-evident.

JIM ROMDALL

So who was Jim Romdall in the preceding tale? Was he the friend dressed in black, or was he the rose head? Or was he the silent observer, not mentioned in the writing of the tale yet integral to its telling?

Perhaps he was all at the same time. Perhaps he was none at all. It is not the place of this meager blog to claim one or the other or the other. It is merely our place to report to you, the reader, that this man we know as Jim Romdall will most certainly be mixing drinks at Le Mixeur Six.

Jim is bar manager at Vessel in Seattle, he is universally respected by his peers as one of the finest bartenders you'll find, never mind where you might search. He was awarded the Rising Star Mixoligist nod from Star Chefs, which in some skewed way verifies what those of us who know him already knew: he's very, very good at what he does. Excellent, in fact.

Thank you Jim for joining us at Le Mixeur Six, and for somehow, surreally enough , conjuring a memory of that day in Derry (or some insist Londonderry). This memory illustrates one fundamental principal, which will be stated here and now:

At Le Mixeur we don't forget those who's poor, we don't forget those who's got no place to live or those who's lives have been destroyed by violence or hunger or disease, or those who's dying in the streets. We celebrate life in the most fitting manner we can conceive of because we can, and someone has to, and someone must. So let's.

Le Mixeur Six will be Saturday, May 30th, at 8pm at Mix Lounge in Seattle.

6006 12th Ave. South, Georgetown USA!

You may purchase tickets for this glorious event here.

You may learn more about this glorious event here.

You may listen to music performed by the bands of this glorious event here and here.

You may reflect upon this...here.

Le Mixeur Six Preview 2: Anu Apte and Saffron Sandalwood Sour

2009-05-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

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People often approach T.Mixeur and tell him that ever since they read the first Le Mixeur Preview yesterday, they have been toiling listlessly through their day to day lives, doubting there is meaning to existence, and engaging in peripatetic journeys of self-discovery, all brought on by a deep-seeded fear that no more Le Mixeur Six previews will materialize.

Come in off of your ledges, and lay that pistol down, pistol packin' mamas, for today we have another one of them there things for you.

What Makes A Man Make Mixeur?
Partie un: ingrédients
Section B: Anu apte et Santal de Safran Aigre

The second Le Mixeur drink requiring housemade ingredients is a reckless little diddy known as the Saffron Sandalwood Sour, a drink the Great Anu Apte invented just for Left Coast Libations (not for the San Francisco Chronicle, you poachers...I knew they'd send Paul Clarke to destroy me...frikkin Hearst Corporation...one day we shall overcome them)

Ahem.

As I was saying, I have dedicated my weakness my thinking my suffering my singing sculptures in order to experience the redefined every day every second. And you, with your back to the wall, are a cry of pain, a lyric of seduction, speaking of some wistful yearning in the ebony sky.

Oh wait. That was totally not at all what I was saying. Damn Hearst Corporation, messing with my brain locomotive!

As I was saying, Anu is a genius and her drink is delicious, and I went to her home to make 150 ounces of Saffron Syrup...I walked out with 200. In case you've been living under a rock, Anu is a bartender at Vessel and Rob Roy in Seattle, a founding member of the Washington State Bartenders Guild, and coordinates events at her own space (along with Zane Harris), Grain.

suga! water! purple!

I went back to AcheteeOH!tee at 100th and Beautiful Aurora to get what's needed. They had the rosewater for cheap and big bags of sugar, but no Saffron. The staff asked me what country Saffron is most commonly associated with. I told them I was pretty sure it's use was dominated by French liqueurs. They explained they had no French aisle, so I told them 95% of the world's Saffron comes from Iran. They said they had no Iran aisle, so I said, OK fine, India. They showed me the India aisle. There was no saffron.

So I went to the French/Iranian/Pakistani/Indian grocery at 78th and Beautiful Aurora. I asked the dude at the counter if they had Saffron. And at that he nodded and pulled out a little carved box, perfect for stashing your weed, and opened it to reveal a trove of nickel bags.

"How many you need?" he asked."How much?" I asked. "5 dolla" he said. "I'll take 3," said me. And off to the abode of Anu Apte and Zane Harris did I go. The bags, Anu and Zane later noticed, looked like this:

Anu smelled the Saffron and commented that it smelled like Tamarind. Bad memories of my youth overcame me, trolling for cannibus in the projects, paying out hard-earned money we got from returning bottles and cans from the nursing home our one working friend had a job at, only to return home to discover we'd bought mud. Literally. Mud. It only happened once. But we bought a little ziploc bag of mud. The bag didn't even have naked girls on it.

Zane emerged wearing some sort of outfit that suggested he was preparing for a photo shoot for the inside sleeve of the J. Geils Band's Freeze Frame, and insisted it really was Saffron, not tamarind. We proceeded with the syruping.

Saffron Syrup

1 1/4 Cups Water
2 Cups Sugar
1/4 cup Rose Water

Generous 1/4 teaspoon Saffron strands
1 Tablespoon Water

Make a saffron extract by heating the tablespoon of water to near boil. Crush the saffron strands between thumb and finger. Add the crushed saffron to hot water. Let it rest about 15 minutes.

Meanwhile, add water and sugar in a heavy bottom pan. Heat till all the sugar is dissolved. Let it come to a boil. Ideally, reach 220 ºF. Add the Rose Water to the saffron extract, then add to the sugar syrup. Cook about 5 minutes. Turn off heat and let it rest.

After it cools it may be stored in a jar or bottle. You may leave the saffron threads in the syrup or remove. (leave 'em in they pretty)

Here's what that looked like, multiplying the recipe by 20!

Anu claims a pinch in her fingers to be precisely a 1/4 teaspoon...no measuring spoons were needed.

Saffron extract = 3rd eye...bloodshot eye.

No Tommies were harmed in the filming of this blog.

See? We even got Tommy a date! She's an artist. Tommy is so into that.

As Tommy the beagle's love boiled, so did our sugar syrup.

Rose water added to Saffron Extract as dusk falls upon SoDo.

Languid

As T.Mixeur demonstrates, it is important that when adding the Saffron Extract/Rose Water mix to the hot sugar syrup, one wears protective eye and head gear...and that one looks super cool as a result. From start...

...to finish.

Anu was braiding Ben's hair while this was going on, by the way. Zane disapproved. He hate braids.

Zane was bothered by the weakness of the saffron scent in our batch, and let his feelings be known in no uncertain terms. Ben was more contemplative and philosophical on the matter. We put it back in the pot, added more saffron, and cooked it down some more.

that's what that looked like

Ben approved. Zane napped.

T.Mixeur returned the golden jars to the safety of home, where they will rest until used to make lovely Saffron Sandalwood sours for the merry Mixers of Le Mixeur Six.

Saffron Sandalwood Sour
(director's cut, non SF Chronicle version)

1 ½ ounce gin (Anu prefers Plymouth)
½ ounce fresh squeezed lemon juice
½ ounce fresh squeezed lime juice
½ ounce Saffron Syrup
1 barspoon Angostura bitters
1 egg white
White Sandalwood

Dry shake ingredients except for Sandalwood, or like Anu, use a Bonjour hand blender to whip
Shake over ice and strain into a chilled cocktail glass
Garnish with Sandalwood – you can sprinkle powdered Sandalwood over the top of the drink, or if you have a stick of fresh Sandalwood, grate it over the top as you would with nutmeg.

Exclusive note from Left Coast Libations auteur Michael Lazar, not available in San Francisco Chronicle version: "Sandalwood is much harder than nutmeg. I used sandalwood chips and ground them as best I could in a coffee grinder and then put the result through a fine strainer to lay as 'dusting' over the cocktail."

Yes indeed.

The Saffron Sandalwood Sour will be available for consumption at the Molly Rose Clandestine CD Release Party this Thursday, the 28th, and again at Le Mixeur Six on Saturday, the 30th. We will also pour a bit with some soda water for an uncommon soda pop if you are not imbibing, and if you wink at us just right.

You can also get one of these from Anu at work, if she remembered to pack the syrup and the wood that night.

Le Mixeur Six, May 30th, 2009, 8pm, 6006 12th Ave S., Seattle
tickets may be purchased here

Le Mixeur Six Preview: Jon Santer and Dragon Variation

2009-05-22T16:53:00.000-07:00

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People often approach T.Mixeur and ask about what preparations are involved in creating a Mixeur, and plea that more information be provided on this topic in this blessed blogspace.

(editor's note: no one has EVER asked him that...not even once, not even close)

So in order to appease the rabid yet affectionate clamoring of the adoring Mixer masses, we present the first in a series of word/image essays on the preparations entailed in making our Mixeurs manifest...

What Makes A Man Make Mixeur?
Partie un: ingrédients
Section A: Jon Santer et Variation de Dragon

Le Mixeur Six features two cocktails using housemade ingredients. Many other cocktail event syndicates would farm the ingredient preparation out to some peasant boys from Declanshire for half a farthing and two guineas...but not Le Mixeur. These ingredients are made personally by Team Mixeur...sometimes in solitude, sometimes with friends.

First on the list to make, given its need to steep for two weeks prior to being ready, is Thai Chili Tincture, or to make it sound more elicit, TCT. TCT is an ingredient used in, among many other drinks, the Dragon Variation. Dragon Variation is the creation of Jon Santer. Jon Santer is a bartender at Heaven's Dog in San Francisco, an Ambassador for Martin Miller's Gin, an instructor at The Beverage Academy, and one heck of a swell guy. He also is a part of Team Mixeur, having swung the heavy Martin Millers lumber our way the past two Mixeurs, slanged hundreds of drinks at said Mixeurs, and set T.Mixeur straight on some mistakes and stupid things he was doing.

So, off to the HT Oak Tree Market did T.Mixeur go. If you haven't been to the HT Oak Tree Market - or the AcheTeeOH!Tee - check it out. It's at 100th and beautiful Aurora Boulevard. If Uwajimaya is the Whole Foods of Asian groceries, Oak Tree Market is the Grocery Outlet of the same: beautiful and glorious in all its ghetto-dom. Lining the aisles are all kinds of things one could use in cocktails....from Buckwheat honey and orange blossom honey, to pomegranate molasses, to rosewater at $2 for 1o ounces, to other really weird, kind of creepy shit that there is no way to tell what it is and the staff doesn't know either.

They also have Thai Chilies, so bought some we did and brought them home and they looked like this:

And into a large canning jar did they go, and introduced they were to their newest friend J. Wray, and side by side they looked like this:

And then did J. Wray pour his nasty self all over them peppers, and together did they look like this:

Did we mention it was a pretty, rainy day in May in Seattle? It looked like this:

Thai Chili Tincture

While wearing gloves, break the top off Thai chilies, and pack them into a jar. Fill the jar with Wray and Nephew White overproof rum. Let sit for 2 weeks. Drain off liquid and reserve. Discard chilies.

HOLY CRAP!!! I forgot to wear the gloves! What's going to happen to me Jon???

The Dragon Variation is one of Jon's contributions to Left Coast Libations, so in addition to this being a preview of Le Mixeur Six, it is also what's known as a teaser for Left Coast Libations. Dig the marketing savvy. T.Mixeur est T.Mixeur Marketeur!

Dragon Variation

1 ½ ounce Martin Miller's Westbourne Strength gin
½ ounce Dolin Blanc vermouth
10 drops Thai Chili Tincture

Combine all ingredients in a frozen mixing glass and stir with large ice until chilled
Strain into a frozen cocktail glass (yield is 4 oz for proper dilution)

And there you have it. And there you will have it again, for real this time, May 30th at Le Mixeur Six. Merci Jon, merci J.Wray, merci AcheTeeOH!Tee Market!

Next and soon: Anu Apte, Saffron Syrup, the Saffron Sandalwood Sour, a dog at a bar, Zane Harris makes funny faces, and a dying man gets his hair braided. Stay tuned, pour l'amour de Dieu.

Le Mixeur Six, May 30th, 2009, 8pm, 6006 12th Ave S., Seattle
tickets may be purchased here

Le Mixeur Six Invité Spécial: Brooke Arthur

2009-05-21T16:39:00.000-07:00

.
Prelude

Once upon a time, T.Mixeur was sitting in his own private booth in Beth's Cafe, nibbling on lard omelet, when he spotted a young woman outside, holding something between her palms, balancing herself on the top bar of a bike rack, hopping from foot to foot without problem on the thin, curved, slippery metal, as little drops of rain danced on the ground around her and her two male companions looked on, disinterested.

She eventually dropped down from her perch and walked inside, humming. She had a voice like a palette of tuned wind, and one could see now that in her hands was a Bandoneón concertina, the presence of which was further evidenced by the languid strains of an Astor Piazolla tune, which she played with both passion and precision.

In mid-song, she stopped short, back straightened, eyes straight ahead as if suddenly entranced. She turned to T.Mixeur, walked determinedly over to the edge of the corner table where he was tucked away, removed a crayon drawing of some besotted paramour that had been lanced to the wall with a single thumb tack, and asked T.Mixeur without removing her eyes from the drawing, "If you were stranded on a desert island and could have only one bartender there with you, who would that bartender be?"

T.Mixeur, without hesitation, spoke thusly: "The one they call...Brooke Arthur."

The woman placed the drawing on the table and looked at him for the first time. She smiled. It was an oracular smile, one that seemed to clearly state: "you have chosen well." She bounded off in a flush of song, off into the summer Seattle rain. T.Mixeur imagined she was headed for some imaginary Uraguay.

BROOKE ARTHUR

Yes, it is true. Brooke Arthur will be traveling from her home in San Francisco to Seattle, and will be tending bar at Le Mixeur Six. If you don't know who Brooke is, you really otter. Here, let me help you! It's fun to help friends.

Brooke currently manages the bar program at Range in San Francisco. She came to Range after bartending at Umami in SF, alongside pal, fellow Left Coast Libations contributor, and recent returnee to Seattle Erik Carlson (currently running the bar show at Moshi Moshi in Ballard, by the way). Before that, she did a whole lot of other super cool stuff in the biz. She also is the San Francisco Brand Ambassador for St. Germain elderflower liqueur (and we're hoping while she's up in Seattle she can teach the Seattle ambassador how to do his job). She was even written about by a world famous author in a magazine!

But who cares about all those links anyway? The important thing to know is that Brooke is an amazing bartender and one of my favorite people on earth, and she'll be one of yours after May 30th. In fact, I guarantee she will be or double your money back!

(editor's note: guarantees will not be honored)

Ted Munat interviews T.Mixeur: The Subject Was Monteleone Cocktails

2009-05-18T18:43:00.000-07:00

Greetings loyal readers. Ted Munat here. Feeling the wave of excitement over the Monteleone cocktail contest, I begged for, and was granted, the opportunity to speak with the legendary T.Mixeur about the process he employed in creating his entry for the contest.

I met with T.Mixeur in the back corner of Seattle's legendary Beth's Cafe. He arrived somewhat late, as his method of transport to the cafe was meditative walking (I actually consumed my entire meal between the time he entered the front door and when he sat down). Once seated, he flashed me that inimitable smile and ordered the house specialty, Lard Omelet.

Ted Munat: So tell me, T.Mixeur, what were the parameters you set in approaching the awesome task of creating a drink that, if worthy, could become the signature cocktail of the legendary Hotel Monteleone in New Orleans?

T.Mixeur: Good question Tim. I immediately felt that this drink should be yellowish-brown, yet oblong...dwell in the realm of dragons, yet be fizzy...be palatable to both democrats and republicans, yet signify the death of their illegitimate reign over our glorious land. Most importantly, I felt this drink should bear such weight and power that were I to clip it to a chain, and the other end of the chain to my armpit, and then sway from side to side, the drink would become a wrecking ball, capable of toppling the mightiest and most implanted buildings...of the mind, and of the soul.

TM: I see....and how does one accomplish all this?

T.Mixeur: One word: Grapefruit juice.

TM: Of course!

T.Mixeur: I'm happy to be part of this contest, and fully expect to be victorious, yet I do hope one little condition I intend to impose is met without controversy.

TM: What would that condition be?

T.Mixeur: Well, I'm happy for the drink to be known as the Monteleone Cocktail from an anecdotal standpoint, but in an official capacity, and on the actual cocktail menu at the Carousel Bar, I would like it to be known by the name I have chosen for it.

TM: And that name would be?

T.Mixeur: In honor of my fellow Pacific Northwesterner, and fellow recidivist traveler back to the source, Tom Robbins, I would like it to be listed on the menu as "The Non-Vibrating Astrological Dodo Dome Spectacular Cocktail."

TM: Brilliant! The name rolls off the tongue as easily as I'm sure the cocktail itself rolls on!

T.Mixeur: My working title for the drink was Marianne Renoir, after Anna Karina's character in Godard's "Pierrot Le Fou." Like Marianne, the drink is beautiful, seductive, and stabs people in the neck with scissors.

TM: So you're a fan of Godard?

T.Mixeur: If cinema were a sports car, Godard would have been the man in the woolen cap who squats over the front corner of the hood and gleefully rubs the insides of his butt cheeks back and forth across the coupe's supple lines, cackling all the while, as passersby assume him a fool.

TM: Yes, I've heard that sentiment expressed a number of times before...so you are a fan?

T.Mixeur: Oh lord no. I can't watch his stuff without at least 4 cocktails and a sock filled with horse manure...you know, to chew on.

TM: Exactly.

T.Mixeur: And yet imprecise!

TM: Hmmmm...well, it's interesting to me to observe that you have managed to create a cocktail that incorporates many familiar ingredients to New Orleans cocktail culture - such as rye whiskey, Peychaud's bitters, and Benedictine - but at the same time incorporates ingredients of the 21st century cocktail renaissance - such as MP Roux - and also manages to implicitly promote the modern consciousness of environmental responsibility by specifying a locally available ingredient: Texas grapefruit...and this all wrapped up into a tasty, refreshing package that suits the hot humid climate of New Orleans.

T.Mixeur: Uhhh...yah. I guess if you're obsessed with the goal of reducing my art and the beauty of existence to something depressingly bourgeois and two dimensional, that's kind of how you might want to describe it. Me, myself, I prefer to think of it simply as non-vibrating, yet also a dodo dome spectacular. This is a fact that I am very proud of.

TM: As well you should be. Any plans for what to do with the room at the Monteleone you stand to win if and when you win the contest?

At this point in the interview, an aardvark entered the cafe and began cooking bacon. A small child walked up to me and smiled, then handed me 18 paper clips strung together, connected at one end to a Tibetan copper bracelet. A chill wind blew into the room, creating a sound like the wailing of the Banshees. I spun around to look at the origin of the howls, and when I turned back to our table, T.Mixeur was gone. All that was left behind was half a lard omelet, a drink recipe, and this photo of the mysterious Mixeur himself:

Oh, and here's the recipe:

The Non-Vibrating Astrological Dodo Dome Spectacular Marianne Renoir Monteleone Cocktail!

1 ounce Sazerac 6 Year Rye Whiskey
1 ounce fresh squeezed Texas (pink) grapefruit
½ ounce Benedictine
1 dash Peychaud's bitters
1 dash Angostura bitters
1 barspoon Elisir M.P. Roux
Fever Tree Bitter Lemon soda

shake all ingredients except Bitter Lemon over ice
double strain over fresh ice into a Collins glass
top with Bitter Lemon - it should take about 2 ounces to fill the glass.
garnish with lemon peel

long live T.Mixeur...

Hotel Monteleone Cocktail: The Glory! The Drama!...the free hotel room.

2009-05-06T09:50:00.000-07:00

The Hotel Monteleone claims that at one point in time, about 1949 to be vaguely specific, they had a cocktail on their menu called The Monteleone Cocktail!

Small problem: they lost the recipe.

It happened in the late 60s or early 70s, apparently when the hotel was under the management of Cheech and Chong, LLC. A transcript of the staff meeting minutes from the week after the cocktail vanished reads as such:

Cheech: "Hey man, where'd our signature cocktail go man?"
Chong: "I don't know man, I think we like, lost it or something man..."

Hey, it was the 60s. At least Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda got to knock a few Monteleone Cocktails back before it went the way of the dodo (you have to catch the limited edition, director's cut of Easy Rider to catch that scene, by the way...the look on Tommy Chong's face as he serves them is priceless. Some of his best work).

(Editor's note: Stop making smart ass comments and just tell them about the competition before you ruin this whole opportunity for us...)

Fast forward to 2009, and the good folks at the Monteleone want their official cocktail back! It's the 60th Anniversary of the Carousel Bar at the Monteleone this year, so they've opened up the gates and are asking you and me and every blogger we know to deluge them with original cocktail recipes, in the hopes that yours will be the winner and consequently the new Monteleone Cocktail for all time...or at least 20 or so years before they lose it again.

(Editor's note: stop it. now.)

In the interest of accurate reporting and reduced effort on my part, here is a pasted excerpt from the Monteleone on the nature of this spirited competition:

"The Hotel Monteleone is hosting an online contest to accept drink recipe nominations for a new official Monteleone Cocktail. The recipes will be judged by VIPs who will be at the Carousel anniversary celebration on May 21. There are no requirements on types of liquor or style of drink, but all drink entries must be received by May 18, so that the ingredients may be acquired and drinks prepared at the May 21 event. Participating bloggers should post their entries online, and all participants should e-mail their drink recipes, along with their name, address and phone number, to athornton(at)hotelmonteleone(dot)com. The winning entry will become the new official Monteleone Cocktail, and the winner will receive four free nights at the Hotel Monteleone during Tales of the Cocktail 2009."

I hesitate of course to share this information, because the more people that know about it, the more likely it is that someone with actual talent will find out about it, and then you can kiss my chances of winning goodbye. So far it's just the usual cast of hacks and losers horning in on my racket. But then again, nobody but degenerates and reprobates reads this blog anyway.

(Editor's note: We love our readers! You...complete...us!)

So summon the powers of the Dark Side, or of Greyskull, or whatever works for you. Create the drink that should be the namesake libation of the legendary Monteleone, then bow before me as mine eternal cocktail smites and vanquishes thee, thus promulgating my divine glory!

And best of luck to you all...

love
T.Mixeur

Carousel Bar, Hotel Monteleone, New Orleans

Molly Rose Présente Sa Musique ... Avec Cocktails!

2009-05-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

The legendary crew that has brought you Le Mixeur will be serving up cocktails and wisdom on Thursday, May 28th, in collaboration with the amazing Molly Rose Band. Molly has leased a special space for the evening, the location of which is revealed only upon RSVP (though it's safe to say it is within the Seattle city limits...Ballard-esque...I actually don't know where it is yet. Guess I'd better look into that). We are privileged to enhance what will surely already be an amazing evening of music, art, and community, with an offering of fine cocktails from the upcoming Left Coast Libations. The drink menu likely will be:

Saffron Sandalwood Sour from Anu Apte of Vessel and Rob Roy in Seattle (Martin Millers Gin, lime, lemon, saffron syrup, angostura bitters, egg white, sandalwood powder)
Dragon Variation from Jon Santer of Heaven's Dog in San Francisco and of Martin Millers Gin (Martin Millers Gin, Dolin Blanc Vermouth, house made Chili Tincture)
Kingsbury from Eric Alperin of Varnish in Los Angeles (Campari, Licor 43, dry vermouth, lime, prosecco)
Whiskey Barrel Punch from Marcos Tello of The Edison in Los Angeles (bourbon, lemon, sugar, pomegranate syrup, angostura bitters, champagne).

I have always seen this whole cocktail thing as being part of a larger, far-reaching cultural movement, and it has been a strong desire of mine to bring together the music community, the art community, and the cocktail community. To that end, I've made a point to include obtuse literary references on this blog and at our events, I've teamed up with the briliant Seattle band Grand Hallway, asked Jean Lowe to bellydance at Mixeurs, and had friends fire dance and fire breathe for us.

I've also sought out partnerships with arts and music organizations in the area, hoping to partner on events that would be truly collaborative, and create a spectacle of visual and expressive arts, music, and culinary cocktails. Thus far, these efforts have been universally ignored (Jack Straw productions, I'm looking right at you now). And once again, the inescapable conclusion is that established organizations are stagnant dinosaurs, oblivious and indifferent to ideas that come from unlikely sources, and if we are to create something new and exciting, we'll do it by working with like-minded individuals and artists to build it from the ground up.

So I am very excited to have this opportunity to work with not only Molly Rose, but also Seattle band Pablo Trucker, who also will perform, as well as artists Rosemary Wagner and Esther Gorsuch, whose work will be on display. I'm grateful to Molly for inviting me to be part of this, and I hope this will be a first step in bringing these communities together, and building a vibrant, living, and ever-evolving cultural movement in Seattle.

This event will be deliciously Clandestine, so to get details, email your rsvp to clandestine@mollyrosemusic.com , and visit the Molly Rose Band site to see the flier. Admission is $8 general, or $20 including your fill of cocktails for the night.

photo of Molly Rose by Rosemary Wagner

photo of Pablo Trucker by Rosemary Wagner

Blogging Tales Of the Cocktail 2009: Jazz, Cocktails, and Storyville

2009-04-27T17:55:00.000-07:00

Despite my best efforts to disgrace not only myself, but also the entire collaborative blog project of Tales of the Cocktail last year, I was inexplicably asked back this year. This article is therefore a simulcast with this "Tales Blog" as it is known. To see this article in a different context and so, so much more get yourself here.

Jazz, Cocktails, and Storyville is the title of an intriguing seminar to be held at this year’s Tales of the Cocktail, fronted by moderator David Wondrich and featuring the stylings of Allen Katz, Phil Greene, and Chris McMillan. I spoke with Monsieur Wondrich recently (OK, about a two weeks ago…what like you’ve never procrastinated anything in your life?) and asked him what Jazz, Cocktails, and Storyville was all about. He was quick to inform me that it is about jazz, cocktails, and Storyville.

This is why we do the interviews folks.

(annoying aside distracting from this article’s utter lack of substance: I once attempted to write the word “won’t” in a text message, and upon writing “w-o-n,” the predictive text on the phone guessed I was attempting to spell “Wondrich,” causing me to seriously re-evaluate my life.)

To get only slightly more specific, the seminar will explore the intersection of cocktail culture with “the sporting life.” By sporting life, we are not referring to fox hunts or polo, but rather the brothels, pool halls, card halls, dance halls, jazz and ragtime music, and all things scandalous that thrived in the once legally sanctioned Red Light District of New Orleans, AKA Storyville.

Sidney Story, a New Orleans Alderman, in 1897 successfully passed legislation through the New Orleans City Council that legalized prostitution in a specific district of town lying two blocks from the French Quarter (Basin Street is often referred to as the district’s “gateway”). The legislation was inspired by the Red Light Districts of the Netherlands, and motivated by a desire to regulate prostitution, and in so doing preserve property values in other parts of town. The result was a unique niche in American history, and most likely a lot of memorable nights in old New Orleans.

Storyville, as it came to be known in reference to its creator, proved to be the perfect environment for the too-risqué-for-decent-society Ragtime music, as well as the oh-my-lord-that’s-the-work-of-an-even-greater-devil Jazz. And apparently the denizens of Storyville figured since they were all going to hell for their sins, might as well enjoy some fine cocktails on the trip. Voila. There you have it. Jazz, Cocktails, and Storyville.

The musicians to emerge from, or at least dabble in, the Sporting Clubs of Storyville included Jelly Roll Morton, The Storyville Honkytonks, The Half Way House Orchestra, King Oliver’s Band, The New Orleans Owls, and the legendary but never recorded String Beans. Also associated with Storyville is Louis Armstrong, who legend has it delivered coal to the Sporting Clubs, and while there figured he might as well stick around and become a legend.

As for the cocktails of Storyville, most famous would be the Ramos Gin Fizz - invented nine years before the inception of Storyville but nonetheless all the rage during its thriving years – the Jack Rose, and Moran’s Parlor Punch. While much can change between now and July, these drinks are the leading candidates to be served at the seminar. No decision yet as to how the Ramos Gin Fizzes will be shaken, but I’m rooting for a John Henry-esque competition between a lineup of shaker boys and a single Bon Jour handheld frother. Think of how memorable that would be should the shaker boys, like John Henry, beat the machine only to die in victory…

Music will be played from the era to accompany our chats and sips. However, there will be no prostitution at the seminar. Apparently some time around 1917 the feds stepped in and made it illegal again. The good people of New Orleans fought this intrusion from The Man, thus once again proving that New Orleans is only begrudgingly part of the United States, which is of course one of the many reasons we love it so. In the 1940s most of the structures of Storyville were razed in order to build housing projects – those bastions of human suffering and poverty – thus indicating the forms of crime and corruption preferred by The Man, which of course is one of the many reasons we loathe him so.

So join us for Jazz, Cocktails, and Storyville…and stick it to The Man.

For further reading on the subject, seek out the book, “Stomp and Swerve,” written by some guy named David Wondrich…no relation I’m certain.

Jazz, Cocktails, and Storyville is all the rage on Friday, July 10, 2009, from 10:30 AM - 12:00 PM, in the Queen Anne Ballroom at the Hotel Monteleone. Buy tickets here.

Get Your Tix For Le Mixeur Six

2009-04-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

150 tickets to Le Mixeur Six are available for pre-purchase online. The venue where we will gather can only hold 200 people at a time, and while we've often been accused of delusions of grandeur, we nonetheless are experiencing Cassandra-like portents of faithful Mixers peering in the windows of Le Mixeur, wondering when there turn to Mix will come. This tragic tale can be avoided by pre-purchasing your tickets. If your name is on the list, or you hold a ticket in your hand, we guarantee you shan't be denied a thing.

Buy them here !

Le Gra,
T.Mixeur

Le Mixeur Six...May It Always Be

2009-04-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

Over time. T.Mixeur has come to refer to himself in the third person less frequenter. However, when T.Mixeur makes Mixeur, T.Mixeur feels like a conqueror, and to third person refer seems most in order, do you concur?

That said, it gives T.Mixeur quite a stir to announce – or pronounce, as it were - that T.Mixeur makes Mixeur, the seventh overall, but sixth official, so call it we do Le Mixeur Six.

LE MIXEUR SIX!

OK, let's can the T.Mixeur and rhyming stuff and get to some brass tacks...

Le Mixeur Six will come into existence on Saturday, May 30th, at Seattle-funky event space and gallery Mix, located at 6006 S. 12th St. Starting time 8pm, closing time 2am. What to expect:

A menu of original cocktail creations from the upcoming book, Left Coast Libations. Each cocktail is the invention of one of the west coast's most innovative and brilliant bartenders. Drinks will be made by some of the area's best bartenders, along with one talentless slag named me.
Entertainment in the form of a live performance by the Molly Rose Band, who will have just released their new CD two days prior (and more on that event to come in future posts).
Still more entertainment in the form of a live performance by Velella Velella, a band sure to push your evening across the threshold between sublime and transcendent...particularly if you have properly prepared yourself with dance and drink at the time of their set.
The usual mystique, festivity, and warm loving welcome we always strive to provide.

Admission for this event will be $10, and drinks will be $5 each. We assure you, you will not find a more thrifty way to have a night that you will always remember. And what's more, your dollar will help assure that Left Coast Libations does indeed see the light of day and all the good people who helped us with the book get at least some of their expenses covered.

There you have it, the logistical information required in order to coordinate a pilgrimage to Le Mixeur Six. But now, for those of you still reading, let's express what's really going on here...

Ladies and gentlemen, two nights ago we had a universal moment of:
perception, reflection, trigger, immediate, wildest, wisest, falling...
During which jobless old men revealed their secrets:
jars, bees, love, lures, dots, moles, stars...
And all our little stones sitting alone in the moonlight:
stitching souls back together, looking over lakes, looking intense, taking notes, taking walks, sharpening sticks, honing images...
And these images spoke directly to the imagination. This is what they said...

We have spoken as you would suppose, and speech seems to us a magical virtue beyond the visible world.

We have constructed more than twenty verbs and possessed the life-giving breath of a man at prayer.

We have explained the abstract notion of time and at least as many as twenty-one genders, none relating to sex.

We have based meaning upon the visible world and expressed being in its fullness though a chorus of birds, or a tree at sunrise.

We have explained: these are wings, these are songs, these are birds...

We have dedicated our weakness, our thinking, our suffering, our singing sculptures
in order to experience the redefined every day, every second.

And you, with your back to the wall, are a cry of pain, a lyric of seduction, speaking of some wistful yearning in the ebony sky.

We are a galactic cloud so deep, “the light that shrivels a mountain.”
Together with you, every feeling sings its message.
Together with you, these songs sing nothing but significance.

I Drank Me

2009-04-08T15:09:00.000-07:00

There is a new magazine in the world today, which officially was born March 31st. They call it, Drink Me. They make it in a place called San Francisco. And they give it away for free.

And this nifty little magazine has one key element no other food or beverage publication has, one essential ingredient for success: they got me, suckas!

Yes, I have entered into an exclusive arrangement with Drink Me magazine, an exclusivity that will last until someone else, in a fit of drunkenness or insanity or desperation, offers to publish what I write.

The article I wrote is about female bartenders, the obstacles they've faced and the victories they've won, and features profiles of Brooke Arthur, Jennifer Colliau and Jackie Patterson. Page 23. We've even had a review of the article come in already. Here it is:

"Tres cool. I read the whole issue. Well, I stopped after (Ted's) article, which I enjoyed very much. I kept thinking of (his father) and his championing of women's rights -- except when that meant he had to cook dinner once a week. Ha Ha."

-- Mom Munat

So there you have it! Obviously the article is very good, because my mother would not lie to me. And for those of you who smirked at me when you heard what I was writing about, and insinuated it was some surreal method I had for hitting on women, I think you can clearly see now I am keeping a family legacy alive (and I cook dinner 7 nights/week, thank you very much). Apologies to this author will be accepted by email, text message, facebook message or wall post, and postal mail. No phone calls please.

If you don't have a hard copy of Drink Me's first issue, it can be viewed in .pdf form at the magazine web site. If you'd like to carry Drink Me at your place of business and you're not in the Bay Area, you can send them $20 plus S&H and they'll send you as many copies as you want. They swear as many as you want. Ask for 50 million they'll send you 50 million. I'm serious. Try it.
-

Boozey Peoples Exchange Program

2009-03-20T17:18:00.000-07:00

It's Seattle's turn to head down to the Bay Area, and to that end I will be part of a convoy down thataway beginning Saturday, March 21. The main purpose of my trip is to continue work on Left Coast Libations, both the book and the company. We will be holing up in Oakland's Flora for two full days of making cocktails, having Jenn Farrington photograph them, and then drinking them down. 50 Cocktails in all will be made and pictured, one for each bartender who contributed to the book. We expect some of our local bartender friends to stop by, peak in, and try a sip. The mysterious yet regal Lane Ford will actually be our host at Flora. We're hoping he's good at carving an ice ball, because we really want a shot of Andrew Bohrer's drink that will do it justice.

Also while down there, two of my travel partners will be guest bartending at Beretta. Robert Rowland of Oliver's Twist will be on display from 5:30 -11pm on Monday, March 23. Anu Apte of Vessel and Rob Roy will take her turn the following night, also from 5:30-11. If you're in the area please come down and say hello. They's good bartenders and better people. And Anu in particular knows some nifty tricks...

We're off tomorrow! If you're in the Bay Area, come join us for fun times. If you're not, wish us luck!

T.San Francissicuss Mixeur

Boozeature

2009-02-28T10:33:00.000-08:00

I, T.Mixeur as they call me (editor's note: no one calls him that), have been quite busy over the previous few weeks. There was Le Mixeur Chaton Ralph, which was a success, raising well over $500 for Le Kitty Cat (after my expenses of course, including the all day spa I treated myself to the day after, not to mention the catered spread in my dressing room before the event). There was the Absinthe event, which required no work on my part but I mention here just to announce it played to a packed house. For those of you who did not attend, you missed the truly awesome spectacle that was Paul Clarke's Wrestlemania-style entrance, donning a sequined robe, pumping his fists in the air as the electrifying strains of "Eye of the Tiger" blared across the P.A.

I've also been pouring my writing energies into the new and improved version of Left Coast Libations, which is going to be completed by the end of April, printed by the end of June, and available in book stores by 2017. And what little leftover writing impulses that have remained have gone into the writing of an article for Drink Me magazine. Drink Me is a new, Bay Area based magazine about the culture and lifestyle of bars and booze. They're hoping to project that same edgy, hip, in your face bombast that folks have come to expect from Le Mixeur, so it was a natural fit. My article is about why it's fun to go to your favorite bars, wear an Optimus Prime helmet, and sing Christmas carols. Oh wait, it's about female bartenders. Whatev. Same diff.

At any rate, this is all just me, in my own inimitably long-winded way, making excuses for having let over a month go by without a post on this blog. And now today, I return only to paste in someone else's writing. In trying to write about booze in a creative, literary way, I've taken to mining for examples of writing about booze that are creative and literary. When I find one that's even more flowery and ridiculously over the top than anything even I could inflict upon the world, I must share. I'll post examples of this “Boozeature” from time to time. Today, we'll start with M. Somerset Maugham, as first printed in “Of Human Bondage.”

Enjoy...

"They ordered punch. They drank it. It was hot rum punch. The pen falters when it attempts to treat of the excellence thereof; the sober vocabulary, the sparse epithet of this narrative, are inadequate to the task; and pompous terms, jewelled, exotic phrases rise to the excited fancy. It warmed the blood and cleared the head; it filled the soul with well-being; it disposed the mind at once to utter wit, and to appreciate the wit of others; it had the vagueness of music and the preciseness of mathematics. Only one of its qualities was comparable to anything else; it had the warmth of a good heart; but its taste, its smell, its feel were not to be described in words. Charles Lamb, with his infinite tact, might have drawn charming pictures of the life of his day; Lord Byron in a stanza of Don Juan, aiming at the impossible, might have achieved the sublime; Oscar Wilde, heaping jewels of Ispahan upon brocades of Byzantium, might have created a troubling beauty. Considering it, the mind reeled under visions of the feasts of Elagabalus; and the subtle harmonies of Debussy mingled with the musty, fragrant romance of chests in which have been kept old clothes, ruffs, hose, doublets, of a forgotten generation, and the wan odour of lilies of the valley and the savour of cheddar cheese."

Well done indeed, M. If that is your real name. You kind of lost me with the cheddar cheese bit there at the end, but otherwise...Huzzah!

Grand Weekend à Seattle!

2009-01-23T16:04:00.000-08:00

If you live in Seattle, are visiting Seattle in the coming days, or are so filthy stinking rich you can just spontaneously fly places for the hell of it, then listen up: Seattle's the place to be on the 24th and 25th of January.

In case you've been on mars and haven't heard, Le Mixeur Chaton Ralph is tomorrow, Saturday 24th, at 8pm.

(editor's note: this event has been advertised on Mars)

OK, in case you've been on Neptune, there's a Mixeur going down! We are once again pleased to be joined in the venture by Martin Miller's Gin and Mr. Sir Most Honorable Jon Santer.

Current estimates of kitty cat Ralph's veterinary bills exceed $1000, and that is before a plan of treatment has been determined for the minor issue of his back legs not working right. No charity will be forthcoming from the veterinarian, who appears to be a ruthless, capitalist bastard.

(editor's note: It is redundant to surround the term "capitalist" with the defining terms "ruthless" and "bastard.")

I had a meaningful interaction with Ralph while at his house dropping off some supplies for his Mixeur. He was asleep on the bed, but when he saw me leaving he walked over to the door as if to say, "hey, the door's open! think I'll wander on outside!" I picked him up and put him back on the bed, as if to say "why don't you rest up there champ." He collapsed in a heap on the bed as if to say "that works too."

Speaking of ruthless, capitalist bastards, T.Mixeur is getting in touch with his inner one. This self-exploration will be reflected in the request for donations in the amount of $5 per drink (Les boissons ne sont pas pour des honoraires! Oh pas! Ce serait illégal! Donations seulement s'il vous plaît! Rien plus!). I do it for the kitty...trust me.

Le Boissons du Mixeur Chaton Ralph...

le fihi ma fihi – T.Mixeur's feral rosemary infused gin, homemade ginger syrup, homemade red wine cayenne syrup, fresh lemon juice, egg white. Served up in a cocktail glass. Created by T.Mixeur

lela! - vodka, pernod, homemade grenadine, homemade ginger syrup, fresh lemon juice. Served on the rocks in a high ball glass and topped with club soda. Created by T.Mixeur

la bicyclette – martin miller's westbourne strength gin, cinzano sweet vermouth, st. germain elderflower liqueur, peach bitters. Served up in a cocktail glass. Created by Jamie Boudreau of Tini Bigs

And then, as if this bacchanalia of boissons was not enough for one weekend to cement Seattle's reputation as the crown jewel of all things both literary and liquored, comes on Sunday an epic odyssey into the wide world of Absinthe. An official, sanctioned event of the Washington State Bartender's Guild - whereas Le Mixeur's for kitty cats are well beneath reproach for this elitist band of scallywags, this collection of masters in the art of pomposity, these cruel-hearted, vain coven of inebriates...

(editor's note: T.Mixeur is bitter that the gin he had hoped to scam for free is instead being used for the Absinthe event. T.Mixeur is also very immature.)

...the Absinthe event, as it has cleverly been coined, will be held at some loft where once great Mixeurs did be. Back in the salad days of Le Mixeur, before it fell into the disgrace of a house party for a cat with thyroid issues. Have you forgotten what we were like then, when we were still first rate, and the day came fat with an apple in its mouth? It's no use worrying about Time, but we did have a few tricks up our sleeves, and turned some sharp corners. The whole pasture looked like our meal, we didn't need speedometers, we could manage cocktails out of ice and water. I wouldn't want to be faster or greener than now if you were with me, O you, were the best of all my days.

(editor's note: T.Mixeur has lapsed into not only quoting Frank O'Hara poems, but poems that already have appeared on this blog. Please stand by while we correct the problem...thank you.)

For even more information on the Absinthe event, refer to Paul Clarke's blog. He's one of the co-leaders of the talk, so he should know all about it. Also refer to the WSBG web site. I will tell you that Paul and Gwydion Stone will be reprising the presentation they gave at Tales of the Cocktail last summer. Jim Meehan was part of that talk, but won't be with us on Sunday. As you might recall, Jim said something that rubbed Paul the wrong way during that talk, and Paul severely beat Jim with the muddler that Cabana Cachaca gave him at the blogger's reception. Jim and Paul have not worked together since.

(editor's note: this is a lie)

I will also tell you that absinthe tastings and absinthe cocktails will be served, with representtives from Marteau, Trillium, St. George, Pacifique, Lucid, Leopold Brothers, Taboo, and Fat Tommy's Jug o' Flamin' HOOCH-sinthe on hand.

(editor's note: ....ah, never mind. it sort of goes without saying, doesn't it?)

And I will tell you that tickets must be purchased in advance, and are $25 for the event or $99 for a guild membership, which brings with it free admission to this and other events. Tickets can be bought at Tini Bigs, Sun Liquor, Liberty, Vessel, Barrio, or stubhub.com

I could tell you all that, but then again I just lifted all that from Paul's site anyway, so you might as well go there and read it written with clarity and without annoying interruptions from a meddlesome editor.

(editor's note: ...nothing really to report...just messing with his head)

Everyone I know who is associated with this "Absinthe Event" is accosting me to buy tickets with the verve normally witnessed in crackheads trying to raise funds to pay off a debt to the mafia, while at the same time insisting that space is "extremely limited." I don't know if the guild has been holding classes on high pressure sales techniques and psychology, but I for one do not appreciate how these mixed messages tinker with my sensitive, almost feminine-like emotions. I for one have no intent of attending this event...unless of course I somehow manage to embezzle $25 from Ralph's veterinary fund Saturday night. If that happens, see you there! Wish me luck!

Le Mixeur Chaton Ralph!

2009-01-13T17:46:00.001-08:00

Est-ce que c'est Le Mixeur Impromptu? Oui! Oui!

A few short days ago, no Le Mixeur existé. Today? Le Mixeur...Existé!

Pourquoi ? Oui, pourquoi ? C'est simple, simple et vrai...

About seven years ago, an abused kitty was thrown from a moving car, and found its way into the lap of Lela. She named the kitty Ralph and they've been inseparable ever since. Ralph is possibly the world's most affectionate, loving cat, despite having been sprayed with pellet guns all over his body by humans, and god knows what else.

Ralph now needs radioactive iodine injections in order to carry on, and Lela is a starving student. Come out, have some swell drinks, and save the life of a kitty and the heart of a young woman.

And so, just like that, we have...Le Mixeur Chaton Ralph!

Le Mixeur Chaton Ralph will be a fundraiser to help Lela pay the veterinary bills, which already exceed $1000.

Le Mixeur, a fundraiser? Collecteur de fonds? Ridicule! Le Mixeur ne fait jamais de l'argent!

Ah, 'tis indeed the case Le Mixeur never makes money. And so, we will a) rely on the generosity of our guests, and b) ask for an astronomical $5/drink instead of the usual 3. We wouldn't do it were it not for a good cause, dear ones.

Le Mixeur Chaton Ralph will mark the return of two of the original Mixeur's most popular drinks:

Fihimafihi - Rosemary infused gin, lemon, ginger syrup, egg white, and wine syrup

Lela - vodka, Pernod, grenadine, ginger syrup, lemon, club soda

As well as one other concoction as yet to be determined.

Andrew Means of Velella Velella will triumphantly return to his DJ post. Jean Lowe will once again grace the crowd with her belly dancing. We hope you all will grace us with your presence.

The date again, January 24th, 8pm, in Seattle. Send a note to tmixeur at gmail dot com for address, directions, and wise words.

Nous espérons vous voir là!

T.Mixeur

T.Mixeur has once again forgotten about Mixology Monday, hasn't he?

Merde.

Merry Christmas Mom Mixeur: La Florence

2008-12-25T18:46:00.000-08:00

A few weeks back Mom Mixeur suggested that for a Christmas gift, I create an original cocktail and name it after her. I don't know if she expected me to actually be mad enough to do so, but you'd think after all these years she would know me well enough to know I'm nothing if not mad. After all, she's known me since I was at least 13. And so create a cocktail for her I did, and name it after her I did.

Which brings us to a little secret: my mother's real name is not Mom Mixeur. It's Florence Howe Munat. Florrie for short. I thought about calling her cocktail a Florrie-dita or a Florrie-dora...but she asked me to please don't do that. So, we'll go with the ever-more-distinguished...La Florence.

La Florence

2 oz white rum
1 oz lemon juice
1/2 oz Velvet Falernum
1/2 oz St. Germain
2 dashes Regan's Orange Bitters

shake and strain into a cocktail glass rinsed with green Chartreuse

There's really nothing at all about this drink that's in keeping with the season, as it's more of an easy sipping spring or summer breeze. But, key to its concept is that I figured Mom Mixeur would like it. And I think she did, though it's hard to tell because moms tend not to tell you that you suck, especially on Christmas day.

On the other hand, any cocktail can seem festive when pictured alongside Christmas cookies and pecan pie!

I fed some earlier variation of this cocktail to Robert Rowland of Oliver's Twist (not to mention the next version of Left Coast Libations), and he recommended cutting the St. Germain back to 1/4 ounce. I did this, and I liked that.

However, today I arrived at the Munat family homestead with an inconspicuous shoulder bag slung fashionably to one hip. When the moment came, I reached into this bag and withdrew all the needed ingredients and tools for making the drink, listing off the proportions of each that were to be included. I then proceeded to make two versions of the cocktail - one with 1/4 ounce Germain and one with 1/2 ounce. Mom Mixeur made her preference known for the 1/2 ounce version. She said that she could see why a professional bartender might prefer the subtler version, since a person of such position likely bears a more refined palette than her own. I explained to her that while she could be right, if I ever caught any bartender dissing my mama's palette I would most certainly smite thee!

And Robert, if you're reading this, just because I sometimes calls you daddy don't make you my mama. So 1/2 ounce of the St. Germain it is!

And here's a portrait of Mom Mixeur with her La Florence, taken earlier this fine Christmas day. But I must warn you, she's pretty freaking adorable, particularly when imbued with the warm glow of a fine cocktail and familial festivities...

Oh, and I did also buy her a material object type of gift as well, in case any of you traditionalists are thinking about giving me a hard time.

Happy Holidays everyone.

Le Gra,
T.Mixeur

The Book That Will Save Us All

2008-12-06T14:03:00.000-08:00

My recent trip to San Francisco (much more to come on this soon) has created a propitious climate in which to publicly announce that a new book is in the works. Specifically, a big-boy version of Left Coast Libations, complete with photographs, bindings, price tags, and lack of typos.

Whereas the original LCL featured a mixture of bartenders, bloggers, and enthusiasts, big boy LCL will focus exclusively on career bartenders...the folks who have spent years plugging away behind bars, employing that unique set of skills one must have to handle all the various aspects of such labor. The book, then, will function as a cocktail recipe book, and also as a guide to many of the West's finest bartenders.

The list of contributors is pretty much complete. The process of meeting and getting to know each other is underway, and I will be writing brief profiles of every last tender of bar. We will also be collecting and testing recipes over the coming months, taking photographs, and working on layout design.

In addition to the bartenders, many other people are generously donating their time and effort to make this book a reality. The process of promoting and hyping these people in exchange for their work will begin...now.

Jenn Farrington will be photographing the drinks and the folks hailing from California. Jenn is a photographer of such skill and accomplishment, she frankly is out of our league. Hopefully this does not occur to her at any point between now and publication.

Zane Harris, in addition to being a contributing bartender, will be taking photos of the drinks and the folks hailing from the Northwest. Zane knows not yet my plans to kidnap him and take him to bars in Portland and Vancouver...but I doubt it will be an abduction to which he offers much resistance.

The audacious Mr. Erik Ellestad provided me with invaluable insight as to whom to seek out in the Bay Area to be in the book (so if you're in the book and Erik comes into your bar, buy him a round...if you aren't in the book and Erik comes into your bar, throw a drink in his face...no really, he likes it).

The resplendent Ms. Marleigh Riggins provided the same service in Los Angeles. If you're an LA bartender and you're in the book, well, I don't need to tell you to treat Marleigh like royalty. I'm certain you already do. And if they don't, Marleigh, let me know. I know people in LA who know how to handle things.

Andrew Means has offered to lend his considerable expertise in layout and design of the book. Additionally, Andrew's band has been anointed unofficial soundtrack of LCL.

The bartenders who have agreed to participate in the book are listed below...

Vancouver, BC - David Wolowidnyk, Josh Pape

Seattle, WA - Andrew Bohrer, Andrew Friedman, Anu Apte, Casey Robison, David Nelson, Erik Hakkinen, Jamie Boudreau, Jay Kuehner, Jim Romdall, Keith Waldbauer, Murray Stenson, Robert Rowland, Tara McLaughlin, and Zane Harris.

Portland, OR - Daniel Shoemaker, Evan Zimmerman, James Pierce. Kelley Swenson, and Lance Mayhew.

Corvallis, OR - Chris Churilla, Kinn Edwards

Eugene, OR - Jeffrey Morgenthaler
Bay Area, CA - Brooke Arthur, Dan Hyatt, Dominic Venegas, Duggan McDonnell, Erik Adkins, Jackie Patterson, Jennifer Colliau, Jimmy Patrick, Joel Baker, Jon Santer, Kevin Diedrich, Lane Ford, Marco Dionysus, Neyah White, Ryan Fitzgerald, and Yanni Kehagiaras.

Los Angeles, CA - Chris Ojeda, Christine D'Abrosca, Damian Windsor, Eric Alperin, John Coltharp, Marcos Tello, and Matty Eggleston.

This list still takes my breath away when I look at it. Yet there are still so many on this coast who were wrongfully omitted. Apologies to those who were. (A few more will be trickling in as well).

Now, having implied the reason for my trip to San Francisco (6 days, 16 bartenders to meet), I am free to begin the arduous task of chonicling at least some of the wonderment that occured between November 27 and December 3.

Stay tuned...

Anniversaire heureux, Le Mixeur!!!

2008-11-19T08:41:00.000-08:00

Yes, it was one year ago today that, on a lonely night in some dimly lit, chilly room in Seattle T.Mixeur made one last, desperate attempt to reach out to the world and grab hold of someone. The result was this blog, which like my former cat "Meat," is just the sort of ragged, moronic, flatulent type of entity to live on for many, many, many years...whether we want it to or not.

So yes, Le Mixeur - the blog - is one year old today!

It may seem as though this blog is some sort of free-wheeling, stream-of-consciousness scroll with serious difficulties on focusing on the topic at hand, which of course is....hang on I know this...oh! Cocktails. Yes, cocktails.

However, it might surprise the reader to know that when I sat down that lonely night and decided to start a blog, I composed a specific list of topics and themes that I planned to cover in the first year of existence. This was part of my 50 year plan for Le Mixeur. I would like to now, on this anniversary, present you with a copy of that list:

William Holden and the Mount Kenya safari Club in Nanyuki
TS Eliot's use of defecation themes in "The Waste Land"
Feast Day for Saint Basilic
Matisse's 139th birthday
Francisco Franco's 1940 victory over the Republicans
The Persian Sun God Mithras
Aymara and Queychua peoples, and their sacrificing of Llama fetuses
"Parties" and their contribution to fascism
Toulouse-Lautrec's genitals
Former Florida State Representative Berny Papy Jr. and his protection of the sanctity of key lime pie
Poetry about El Salvador by Sonia Sonchez
Frank O'Hara and his death by dune buggy
How Normal Lear stole my Uncle Chuck's stories
Gary Regan, LeNell Smothers, and the Marquis de Sade
18th century nomadic Acadians, and their contribution to New Orleans cocktail culture
An original poem titled "Drunk Descending Staircase"
The merits of union suits
The Bodhisattva of the Mixeursphere
Herman Hesse , Siddartha, and transcendence into Mixana
French translations of Eddie Murphy poems
The farewell of Ziggy Stardust
Hemingway's disdain for blouse-wearing sissy boys
A toast of mourning for Eight Belles
Our aversion to cocktails that cause yeast infections
Hostmaster John, Johnastic Hosting, and the Johnastic Method
Ajeticha's survival of the Great Destroyer Appolyon, with reflections from WB Yeats
Walt Whitman writes of love buds
The Salish tribe's ritual of scrubbing themselves with blackberry bushes prior to spirit dancing, and the possible translation of this tradition to cocktail culture
Bainbridge Island Strawberry farmers and their time in concentration camps
The loudest man in the world and his move from Texas to Redmond, WA
Graham Greene, reality, and martyrs
How to make punch in a washing machine
Wayne Curtis getting Tiki guys to huff fusel oil
What the guys in Barbados do to you if you put Walnut liqueur in their rum
William Faulker: Sissy Boy Who'd Never Survive Tales of the Cocktail
How the Bionic Woman would have juiced lemons
Scandinavian Warlocks named Thoth and Grobbendonk
Senator Edwin Murray's speech: "hrmm-hm, hurra hurra hum, rim rem rom...SAZERAC!"
Keith Waldbauer's benzedrine binge in the Sierra del Ajusco-Chichinauhtzin
Duggan McDonell's peyote binge in Coahuila
C.Mixeur's proposed "cannonball" on Duggan at the Boca Loca pool party
Pink-livered sissy-boys who don't drink all my Singapore Sling mix
Monastic Ireland and doing simple things with perfect love
Pictures of fuzzy kittens sleeping together
Little girls from Georgia witnessing the Cascades for the first time
Distance of Alpha Centauri to the Earth as compared to the moon, and the foolishness of the phrase "shoot for the moon and miss and still end up among the stars.
Dead Moon
Don Quixote: Mixologist, creator of The Balm of Fierabras
The Scorn of Saint Germain
Charteuse that smells like curry
Kevin Diedrich's back alley battle mixes
Lance Mayhew's black market kidneys
MLK on Gandhi's bartending skills
Jose Gomez and his work with Cesar Chavez
Rummalemmotang!
Allen Ginsburg's advice to beginning bartenders
My grandfather's mini fridge
The word munat meaning "testicles" in Finnish
Being fisted by Hellboy

And upon reflection, I find that I have managed to cover all of these topics. So it's truly been a successful first year. I've even managed to occasionally introduce the topic of spirits and cocktails from time to time. And there are plans afoot to include even more spirits and cocktails in the coming year...maybe...we'll have to see. No promises.

Thanks to you all for reading, and holding out hope that one day this will all come together and make sense.

T.Mixeur

Hellboy Was My Barback

2008-11-18T13:00:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, a teacher named T.Mixeur undertook the project of taking a student under his wings. The purpose was to develop a barback to assist with the increasing demands of Le Mixeur. But more than that, it was a new and bold spiritual journey. The student and barback-to-be was a young man known as Anung un Rama in his village of Grigori Rasputin's Lab, but to the Mixeurs he was known simply as, "Hellboy."

Successful training of a barback must be based upon a bedrock composed of research, techniques, and historical appreciation of bar culture. The first point to observe in training the barback is to build up character, bringing to light the subtler faculties of prudence, intelligence and dialectics...

Philosophy and literature form the chief part of the student's intellectual training; but even in the pursuit of these, it is not objective truth that he strives after—literature is pursued mainly as a pastime, and philosophy as a practical aid in the formation of character...

And there is only so long that the barback pursuit can remain cerebral. At some point the intellectual principles that have been absorbed must be put into action, so the union of mind body and soul can begin to transpire...

By maintaining discipline and utmost focus, the barback avoids being robbed by the egotistic, conventional mind, allowing the fundamental mind to - uh-oh.

Vous idiot! Je ne peux pas l'acheter dans cet état! Trou du cul!
(You idiot! I cannot buy that in this state! Asshole!)

It is essential that the teacher witness the student without judgment or comment. When one task proves to be too difficult, the teacher must effortlessly shift the student's energies to another. In this case, muddling...

Gasp!

Imbécile! Ce n'est ni technique appropriée, ni sanitaire!
(Fool! That is neither proper technique nor sanitary!)

Que faites-vous maintenant ? C'est juste dégoûtant! Ce n'est aucune façon de remuer une boisson!
(What are you doing now? That's just disgusting! That's no way to stir a drink!)

When the teacher reaches a point where he or she realizes the student is no longer in a receptive state to learning, it is important that the teacher not press on in vain. This point is a prudent time for the teacher to take a walk, clear the mind, and possibly visit a liquor store and/or bar.

Hellboy, meanwhile, stirred some cocktails and invited a lady friend over...

Laid on the charm...

Did VERY well...

Scored.

Yet when his lady friend excused herself to the restroom to freshen up, the untrained, undisciplined mind of Hellboy lead him astray. Unable to calm the mind, his urge for excitement betrayed him. He began to drink...

And drink...

And drink...

And so...

The teacher returned home, and upon finding Hellboy in such a state, did some serious soul searching...

And re-assessed the approach he had been taking with his student...

And somewhere in the doldrums of their mutual inebriation, things went terribly, terribly wrong...

They both were stunned as they realized that certain boundaries had been violated...

And certain sacred places had been defiled...

And this was the last the teacher ever saw of his barback Hellboy....

(Pourquoi toujours de telles histoires tristes ? Oh bien!)

Ta-Ta!

T.Mixeur

WSBG Knows How To Party

2008-11-10T10:03:00.000-08:00

Usually, when there is some sort of cocktail event or get-together in Seattle, Paul Clarke is there. At these events, as I gleefully intoxicate myself, blissfully unaware for the moment that I am keeper of a cocktail blog, invariably I will spot Paul with a small notepad, nodding smartly and jotting down letters, words, and sometimes even sentences, as someone speaks to him earnestly about something terribly important.

At these moments, I think to myself, "ah yes, we are writers, I should be taking mental notes and formulating ideas for what to cover in the blog, because I want to use the blog as a means to promote the local cocktail scene, and this is a perfect opportunity to...eh, Paul's on top of it. I'll just write some testicle jokes and post some photos of me harassing local religious organizations."

That is EXACTLY what goes on in my head.

But yesterday, the newly formed Washington State Bartender's Guild put on one hell of a hoop-dee-doo, and Paul Clarke was off in New York City, hob-nobbing with his new fancy pants friends because he's too good for us now.

About four hours into the event, it occurred to me that this might make me the man of the blog-house. Upon making this realization, I responded swiftly: I immediately started the process of panicking, which I then addressed with excessive drinking.

And so here is my official, journalistically impeccable report on the affair.

9 November, 2008

Seattle, WA - A gathering of many of the area's finest bartenders, bar owners, cocktail enthusiasts, culinary journalists, and distillers happened today at the Bemis Building in Seattle's SoDo neighborhood. The occasion? The launching of the Washington State Bartender's Guild.

The Guild was formed in recent months by a group of industry stalwarts, including Guild President Andrew Friedman, owner of Liberty, and Vice President Keith Waldbauer, bartender at Union. The guild was founded with the goals of...uhm...I think having awesome parties, and going to meetings on Sundays, and all getting to hang out more...wait hold on a sec...

To form a state-wide collaborative community of bartenders and supporters, advance the highest level of service standards within the bar industry, create an educational platform within Washington State through community programs, seminars, festivals and media outreach...there's more, but you know what, just go to their web site.

The event was hosted by guild members Zane Harris and Anu Apte, both of Vessel, in the same loft space that recently held the now-legendary, epic cocktail odyssey Le Mixeur Cinq – the brain child of Seattle Legend Ted Munat, or as the locals know him: The Fuggin' Guy.

All those previously mentioned (except The Fuggin' Guy) took turns behind the loft's six-stool, fully-equipped bar, along with fellow guild members Andrew Bohrer and Jim Romdall... Andrew B. cuts really incredibly long lemon twists that pretty much remove the entire skin off the lemon, twists the whole thing at once, then snips it into segments and garnishes a bunch of drinks at once with it. He also had a French press that worked perfectly with the Oxo Hawthorne strainer and was making 4 or 5 drinks at a time with it. It was totally badass....And Amy asked for tequila but they weren't serving any so Jim put a bunch of things together to mimic the flavor profile of tequila and it tasted like tequila. That's so rad. It's like, why do they even bother making tequila when there are Jims in the world? You know?

The bartenders were mixing up the Martinez, the Bobby Burns, and an original creation called a 44, which featured Bulleit Bourbon and a homemade orange tincture, among other things.

Oh Snap! Nailed the drink menu! Nailed it! No notes, no nothing – nailed it, first time out of the box. Yah baby! Yah!

Also among the crowd was Marc Bernhard, owner and master distiller of Pacific Distillery in Woodinville, WA. Pacific, one of a tiny handful of artisinal distilleries to have recently opened in Washington state, has just finished the bottling of their Voyager gin and it's set to hit the market. Voyager is a dry gin, in much the same mode as a classic London Dry, bottled at 84 proof, and is truly the product of a family-run, hand crafted process from start to finish.

Oh, I am on a roll now. Spelled Marc's name right – first and last – got his title, name of the distillery is correct, name of the city it's in, big-boy sounding line about distilleries in the state, remembered what Andrew F. told me about the style of gin it is even though I'd been drinking, remembered the proof...

On. Point. Yes I am today. Let's name the distillery one more time and slap a hyperlink on that bad boy:

Pacific Distillery, Woodinville, WA

So anyway, here's what really happened: it started at 2 but I got there at about 4:30 because I had things to take care of, and I have to take care of the things that I have to take care of. There was a bunch of people there and you could hear them all the way down the hall. They did the thing with the table cloths over the tall table tied to the table post, which automatically exudes class and professionalism.

Andrew F. is the president and so he was presiding. Keith is vice president so he was vicing – booze and smokes mostly, maybe something else, hard to tell with that guy. Andrew B. is secretary, and there is no doubt he was secreting. Casey Robison is treasurer, and golly do we treasure him.

Andrew informed the crowd, once he had inebriated them all, that they can join the guild for the low low coast of $90/year, and this can be done through the Guild web site...soon. Not yet. Any day now though. Bartenders may join as members, barbacks may join as provisional members. Bloggers, enthusiasts, distillers, and anyone else who wants to help promote the mission of the guild can also join for the same price. Their titles within the guild will be, “Stank Bitches!!”

Lots of people signed up to get on the mailing list, there was good food, and I'd swear we drank a bunch of really interesting things that tasted like certain things out of bottles with no labels, but I must have imagined that because those interesting things tasted like certain things that aren't on the market and therefore we wouldn't have been being naughty like that...

Everyone made fun of me because the day before I had stepped in a pile of human doo-doo.

I left to go to Oliver's Twist and found they were closed for “renovations.” So I got some food, called Anu, she said come back over, so I did. Lo and behold the boys from Oliver's Twist were there. Apparently they'd worked up quite a thirst working so hard on their “renovations.”

At that point the party had boiled down to the core group, also known as the officers and founding members of the guild. They had all taken to the customary manner in which the northwest's cocktail elite bask in the revelry of another successful event: huddling around Zane's computer and watching youtube videos of some guy making fart noises with his hands.

Then we all left and nobody helped Zane and Anu clean up because we're all complete bastards. I at least expressed feelings of remorse over the fact that I had no intention of helping them clean up. And they were very touched. I could tell.

And before we left, we all looked into each other's eyes in silence. We knew we needn't say anything. We were all thinking the same thing: “that...was one HELL of a hoop-dee-doo.”

OK, so there is my journalistic coverage of the WSBG kickoff party. I hope you all appreciated the consistent tone I maintained, and the clear and concise manner in which the information was presented. And I hope you noted how I came back around full circle to the hell of a hoop-dee-doo bit. It's called “skills.”

Uhm, did anyone take pictures? Shouldn't a journalistic piece of such integrity as this have some pictures?

I'll hand the responsible blogging reins back over to Paul Clarke now. My next blog post is going to be about Hellboy!

Ta-Ta...

T.Mixeur

Granddaddy Howe

2008-11-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

Through some apparent clerical error, I received an invitation to be part of a drink creation competition sponsored by Hiram Walker, and featuring their new Gingerbread Liqueur. I took them up on the offer, and soon thereafter found myself the proud owner of not only a bottle of Gingerbread Liqueur, but also of a bottle of Pumpkin Spice Liqueur.

At this point, I should interject about a very interesting phenomenon that has been occurring in my life, one known as "Amy." Amy was over one night a couple of months ago, regaling me with tales of how she plans to go to Argentina, and how miraculous an experience this surely will be. She asked, with great enthusiasm, if I knew any bartenders in Argentina.

I confessed, to my shame, that I did not. However, the following morning, I received a Facebook friend request from a well-connected bartender in Argentina.

A few weeks later, Amy was again over. She talked of how "dang delicious" she imagined a pumpkin liqueur would be, and wished such a thing existed. The following morning was when I received the invitation to be involved with Hiram Walker's project, though it was not until weeks later that I realized that would lead to the procurement of a bottle of pumpkin liqueur.

Amy's services, by the way, are available for hire. However, she reserves the right to wish for whatever she wants, and in no way guarantees this will meet with your needs or the needs of your business.

Anyway, back on track here...Gingerbread Liqueur. Upon sipping the liqueur, I was surprised. I imagined it would be a liqueur embodying the pronounced spices of gingerbread, such as...uhm...ginger I think, right? But this liqueur, while doing what I'd imagined, actually tastes like gingerbread. I haven't the faintest notion how they got the bread flavor in there, but they did. I'm thinking perhaps they macerated cookie dough and let it infuse in the base distillate, then infused the spices, but it's hard to say.

I immediately thought that this liqueur would be well-suited for some sort of Flip style drink, and reached for my eggs.

Incidentally, "Munat" means "eggs" in Finnish. The same Finnish term also is slang for "testicles." However, this is not the sense in which I meant the phrase "reached for my eggs." I need to point these things out, because we have some Finnish readers these days, and the Fins tend to have their minds in the gutter anyway. So for all you Fins and other sycophants out there, stop picturing me reaching for my eggs, and start picturing me handling some nice, smooth, brown eggs with the utmost of care, breathless with anticipation as I prepare to immerse them in...

Hey! You're thinking filthy thoughts again aren't you! Knock it off! This is supposed to be a post about Gingerbread and my grandfather...Jesus!

Ah fuck it. Here's my drink:

Granddaddy Howe

1 oz bourbon
2 oz ruby port wine
1/2 oz Hiram Walker Gingerbread Liqueur
1/2 oz Cherry Heering
1 whole egg

combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker
shake, without ice, for 15-20 seconds
add ice, shake until chilled
strain into a goblet
grate fresh nutmeg across the top

All you super-slick cocktail types will no doubt spot that this is a riff on the Coffee Cocktail, and we're not really riffing that hard. 1 oz of brandy in the Coffee Cocktail becomes 1 oz of bourbon here, and instead of using plain old sugar to sweeten it up, we're using the Gingerbread and Heering.

No word can better describe this drink than "Nummy!" Except perhaps, "Dangerous!" That's 4 ounces of booze in there, and not only does it not burn, it has a tendency to accidentally slip down your throat in one slurp. Amy drank hers before she could even say "Dang Delicious!"

The drink also works with a variety of replacements for the Heering. I tried it with White Creme De Cacao...Nummy. Tried it with Benedictine...Nummy. Tried it with Pastis...Nummy-Anise.

(If you couldn't handle the "reach for the eggs" imagery, do yourself a favor and don't even go there with the "Nummy-Anise")

And on that note: what's with the name of this drink?

Ed Howe was my granddaddy on my mother's side. When I told Mom Mixeur I was to be in a drink competition for a Hiram Walker Gingerbread Liqueur, she told me (after first wiping away her tears of pride) that a) I don't know how to pronounce "Hiram" correctly, b) her father always had Hiram Walker products in his liquor cabinet, and c) don't get any smart ideas about how or why she knows so much about her father's liquor cabinet.

Ed Howe was a classic cocktail guy...two before dinner during the traditional hour only, thank you. For years, it was mostly Old Fashioneds, and I hear my Aunt Susie got to be quite skilled at making them. Later in life, he became a Martini man.

I wasn't old enough to join him in these cocktail hours before he died, but trips to his home in Lake Geneva, Wisconsin held their own beverage pleasures for me. In the guest bedroom, up on a loft overlooking the rest of the unit, there was a mini-fridge, the first of its kind I'd ever seen. This fridge was always stocked, in anticipation of our arrival, with cans of all types of sodas. Sodas were not a permissible drink in my day-to-day life, only for special occasions such as the yearly trips to Lake Geneva.

I'd sprint up the stairs once given permission, pick out some magical, icy cold can, bring it back downstairs, and begin the ceremony. First, there was the selection of a rocks glass, always with some sort of etching or other form or ornateness...far more elegant than any plastic tumbler I'd swill juice from at home. Then there was the pushing of the rocks glass against the ice cube dispenser on the freezer door – again the only of its kind I'd ever seen. It would drop out ice cubes with one arched side and one flat side, one at a time, until the glass was full.

Next was the cracking open of the can, the little wisp of mist, and the pour. Key to finishing this ceremony was to quickly, upon finishing the pour, take a sip of the drink while the fizz was still spraying up from the surface of the drink, breathing in its effervesence.

And when Granddaddy Howe died, he left behind a nifty little cocktail book, which Mom Mixeur had the good sense to hold onto, then pass along to me when my love of cocktails came into full bloom.

(And yes, C.Mixeur, we know they got the recipe to the White Lady wrong.)

I was his namesake and some would say a dead ringer for him as a child. And he was a good man, a kindly grandfather, and he sure seemed to adore me. And so it just seemed about time to name a drink in his honor. And while he was mostly an Old Fashioned and a Martini drinker, he did love his Irish Coffees and the occasional Egg Nog. So from this, I think it's safe to say he would have liked this one.

So mix one up, during traditional cocktail hours please, and say a toast to Granddaddy Howe.

(and leave out the testicle and “anise” jokes, for god's sake. Granddaddy would not have approved)

Mixology Monday: Plaisirs coupables!

2008-10-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

Mixology Monday, hosted by Stevi Deter at Two at the Most, this month focuses on the subject of "Guilty Pleasures."

First let me say that I have always had a different attitude about guilty pleasures than most. I have always figured that something that brings me pleasure, and in no way harms anyone or anything else, is a guilt-free pursuit. Therefore, you may snicker all you please at my simple joys in life...my conscience is clean!

That said, there are a few guilty pleasures I would like to share (Mom, if you're reading, stop now):

1) When I was 19, I slept with my best friend's girlfriend on the halfway line of a soccer field. That was a goodly dash of pleasure, followed by a whopping jigger of guilt.

2) Once, during an extremely difficult time in my life, I...bombed an orphanage...please, ne moi jugez pas!

And so, there you have it. My guilty pleasures. Thank you for reading!

T.Mixeur

(editor's note: uhhh...you haven't actually mentioned cocktails yet.)

Ah yes, of course. Let me tell you about my time at the Evergreen State College...

Bear in mind that none of these tales are sources of guilt for me. In fact, I radiate with pride over these accomplishments. They brought a lot of joy to a lot of people...most of them underage.

In the year 2000, I found myself re-enrolled in college, studying 1st Amendment Law under the guidance of the inimitable Jose Gomez, former legal advisor to Cesar Chavez and currently employing the Socratic teaching method at Evergreen State. I also found myself living in an on-campus apartment with five randomly assigned males ranging in age from 19 to 22. Both aspects of the experience were to have significant cultural impact upon my life.

Things really got started when, on one drizzly winter's eve, a knock came at our door, and we found ourselves being paid a visit by Paula Fallen Star Nicole Jenkins. She introduced herself, explained that she was one of the five women living in the apartment next door to us, and also informed us that they were in possession of copious quantities of booze, and would like us to come over some time and consume it.

We calmly thanked her for the offering, assured her we would take her up on the generous offer sometime in the future, and bid her adieu.

Upon shutting the door, what ensued was one of the all-time most frenzied flying chest bump sessions in human history. What lucky star was it shining down upon us that fated, feted eve? An apartment full of women, located 3 feet away, stocked to the gills with booze, had opened its doors to us. God is good.

Having figured we'd played it cool long enough, we headed over to their apartment about 4 1/2 minutes later. As it turns out, some of the women living there were friends with a group of soldiers stationed at Fort Lewis. The "army boys" as we would all come to call them, would stock their car up with discounted liquor from the Base Exchange, bring it as offering to the women, and leave the leftovers behind. Even better! Spirits taste sweetest when furnished by the United States Military. It's what's known as equitable re-appropriation of the federal budget.

Mostly what was in stock was rum - Bacardi, Castillo, Potters, Malibu...all the best stuff.

While taking shots of rot gut rum can be loads of fun, eventually one comes to crave a mixed drink to change things up. A quick scan of the kitchen cabinets revealed a Costco-sized container of Tang mix. Moments later saw the birth of the now legendary cocktail, "The Rummatang!"

Rummatang!

Fill plastic tumbler with ice
fill halfway with rum
top with Tang
umm...I guess you could stir it.
(Amyl Nitrate garnish optional)

As nicely balanced a drink as the Rummatang! is, it lacks somewhat in complexity, and thus becomes somewhat redundant after consuming 7-8 per night every night for a month. So one can imagine T.Mixeur's delight when discovering a new jar of powder in the women's cabinet, generic lemonade!

Rummonade!

Fill plastic tumbler with ice
fill halfway with rum
top with Lemonade
Yeah, you probably should stir it, or just dump the whole thing into another tumbler, preferably a clean one, but, you know, work with what you got.

This drink addresses an entirely different area of the palette, an area commonly known in cocktail and foodie circles as the "Yellow Number 5 Area." It is strong in its effervescence, much more so than the Rummatang!, but it's a bit too much in one direction, at least in its ability to stand up to repeated consumption, and repeated consumption..,.and repeated consumption.

And then, the solution occurred to me. There would need to be a combination of the previous two drinks...

Rummalemmotang!

Fill plastic tumbler with ice
fill halfway with rum
fill to 3/4 full with Lemonade
top with Tang
hold drink up, wave it around wildly, proclaiming your genius to everyone in the room - the drink will become properly mixed in the process.

The Rummalemmotang! is sheer cocktail perfection. The lemonade's Glycerol Ester Of Wood Rosin gets into a delightful interplay with the Xanthan and Cellulose gums in the Tang, and oh baby...they do the dance. Yes they do.

Before I leave you, I must add one more creation from this period of my life. This one is perfect for a road trip, particularly one that culminates with everyone's favorite pastime: drinking in public with underage women! Yes!

Suntan Lotion

1 20 oz bottle lemon lime soda (I used Sierra Mist)
Malibu Rum
A car with poor suspension and shock absorbers made using springs from an old Murphy bed (I used a 1977 Plymouth Trail Duster).
60 miles of winding, hilly roads (I used State Route 108)

Drink or pour out half the contents of the lemon lime soda
fill with Malibu
place bottle in "way-back" of car on its side, to ensure it will roll around.
drive to your destination.
find remote spot, such as the tall reeds growing near the pacific coast shoreline.
drink.

And there you have it, my not-so-guilty pleasures.

(Editor's note: Le Mixeur in no way condones the recreational use of Amyl Nitrate or other pharmaceuticals, particularly those taken illegally from a United States Military hospital. Nor do we condone the consumption of alcohol in public, particularly with underage women...however, we wish to stress that we in no way feel guilty for the times this practice, accidentally and without premeditation on our part, occurred in the past. What's done is done. You can't change the past...hey! stop looking at me like that! Oh like you're so perfect and never did anything slightly immoral or illegal! Judge not lest ye be judged! Let he who is without sin cast...something something something...

Again, we acknowledge no guilt or shame regarding any of these matters. We maintain clean conscience, not to mention moral high ground. Thank you.)

Octroi d'une certaine mère fuckers leur propers

2008-10-08T23:14:00.001-07:00

No one likes the award recipient speech that drags on and on, thanking everyone under the sun, until the crappy music starts playing to send us out to commercial (unless it's Cuba Gooding Jr, in which case everyone loves you, even Goldie Hawn). But there are many people who deserve mention for their efforts that have not been adequately mentioned yet. Plus, Le Mixeur has not been granted any award (yet) and we have no commercial breaks (yet).

So that said, let's start with Ma and Pa Harris of Gordon's On The Green, who required a Costco extra jumbo sized cart to transfer in the amazing assortment of cheeses, crackers, and other goodies they provided. They did this without charge, without being begged. They even set it up and made it look pretty for us on their own serving dishes. Bless their hearts. And bless their business with your patronage if ever in the greater Tukwila area. Having spent a fair amount of time in South King County, I can pretty much guarantee you will not find better fare than a place run by the Harris clan and a certain Anu Apte.

Also thanks to Jean, better known as Le Belly Dancer. I was only peripherally aware of her presence due to my pre-occupation with the bar, but judging from post-Mixeur comments and photos, I think it's safe to say that it was a big hit. Hopefully Jean has not since been besieged with clumsy advances from lovesick fools. See you next time, Jean?

And merci to my roommate and our DJ, Andrew Means. Andrew not only provided us with the prefect collage of sound throughout the night, not only some nifty dance floor lights, but also with his own unique form of interpretive dance - and what he was interpreting was the raw power of soul. Rare is it indeed, that the DJ not only inspires butts to be shaken, but also provides a demonstration of the manner in which they should be shook.

I'd like to thank my brother Ben for one of the most amazingly spastic bar performances of all time, one that if the drug were right should be added to the film Reefer Madness, and also for fetching me glasses of water just when I needed them.

I'd like to thank Dashiell and Nick for bringing me a lovely assortment of cheese and nuts from the Gordon's On The Green Spread.

And while we're at it, let's again thank Martin Miller's Gin for sponsoring us. Everyone please recall this one indisputable fact: each time a person buys a bottle of Martin Miller's gin, an angel gets its wings.

I feel mortified I told Jon Santer we would need 18 bottles of gin, and we only went through 17 and 3/4 bottles. Sorry for the confusion Jon.

And while I'm on the subject of Jon, thanks for buying the 6 pack of tiger beer so we were permitted to leave Uwajimaya's parking lot, and for the delicious 'bourbon" candy. And if you ever work in a bar again and I come there for a drink, I plan to stir it myself with a technique so astonishing it leaves everyone gasping for air.

And last but certainly not least, I'd like to thank all of you who did NOT come. Without you, there would have been even more people, and I would have been forced to swallow the cyanide capsule I keep on a necklace at all times (incidentally, 1. 5 oz gin, .75 oz sweet vermouth, .50 oz cointreau, dash orange bitters, 1 cyanide capsule = heaven), and the party would have been at least somewhat altered by the presence of a dead person behind the bar. So thank you! (but come to the next one, because more skilled, less emotional people will be behind the bar).

Go Raibh Maith Agat!

That's irish for thank you.

Le Gra,

That's Irish for with love

T.Mixeur (who does not know exactly why he is speaking Irish)

...now let's move on already. There's a mixmo coming up and I have a bottle of Aurum to brag about.

After The Fall

2008-10-06T11:30:00.001-07:00

Thank you to all who came, who helped, who tried to come, and who wished they could be there.

I still have not been imbued with any ability to create an official report or summary of what happened Saturday night. However, the next morning, as the others slumbered, I perched myself on a bar stool, looked out across the ruins of the bar and loft, grabbed a menu, and wrote these recollections with my penny pencil...

Everything you remember exists just as you recall, except perhaps you forgot how the love radiated amber. And it's possible you overlooked the village in the shady valley, where orange blossoms rained from the planets...or the one precious place without corners, where secrets were shared and eyelashes blew kisses in the air. If you concentrate, you can recollect all these jewels, like an architect putting rail cars to rest. You can burst eternity into a corrected, altered, accurate, true, and real story of your past. And everyone and everything you ever dreamed or envisioned will come see you tonight for a taste of this sweet, sweet wine.

I had a dream about Le Mixeur last night...

A divine light shone down to reveal a glorious path...there was a congregation of old women on the path...it was all love...they opened their shawls before us and we entered through the thinnest of veils into a blessed womb...a place where no one was bad, no one was ugly, no one was damaged, maimed, fractured, or lost...We all looked inward, and there we found each other, and we witnessed one another for the first time. And we appeared to one another as if babies...we searched for one another as if mothers...we caressed and consoled one another as if planets, moons, atoms, and dust. We wept puddles of joy onto the earth beneath us, and splashed each other with the water we made. And the mist from our play touched the fibers of each leaf on each tree above us, and they all erupted in the most beautiful song...and the knots in our throats pulsated electric, becoming motors, propelling us outward into the atmosphere, forming iconic streaks of clouds that stretched across the night blue sky...and as the symphony wound down, we all wished, with every hope we had, that none of this transcendent essence would ever leave us...and so, it doesn't.

A Drink of Cinq: Zane Harris and Anu Apte

2008-10-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

The last in our series of posts on the drinks of Le Mixeur Cinq...It's tonight!!!!

ZANE HARRIS AND ANU APTE

What can I say about Zane and Anu, other than thank you! Thank you both for the use of your beautiful home, the contribution of this beautiful drink, all of your beautiful work, and for your beautiful friendship...and everyone should go to Vessel and see Zane work and then figure out where they can find Anu doing the same.

Without further ado, let's look at the drink and get on with the ceremonies...

Smallflower

2 oz El Jimador Reposado tequila
1/2 oz lavender honey syrup
barspoon Laphroig
healthy dash (goodly dash even!) Regan's Orange Bitters

stir and strain into cocktail glass
garnish with lemon twist

PHOTO BY ZANE HARRIS

And there you have it for the menu for the Latest Le Mixeur. 8pm tonight is our starting time, here in sleepy little Seattle. Thanks again to all the drink contributors, to Jim Romdall, Amy, Lela, Bridget, Josho, and Paula for their help. And to Jon Santer, Emma Davis, and Martin Miller's gin for their support.

T.Mixeur's power cord on Le Laptop has failed, and the battery is about to die...we must sign off and go begin our sacred preparations.

Le Gra,
T.Mixeur

A Drink of Cinq: Keith Waldbauer

2008-10-02T18:55:00.000-07:00

Le Mixeur Cinq will be held on Saturday, October 4, at 8pm. The drink menu for the event is comprised of original creations of esteemed bartenders from Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco. Over the next week, we will be featuring a post on each of the contributors and their drink.

KEITH WALDBAUER

Ladies and gentlemen, Keith Waldbauer IS moving at the speed of life...

See? Told you so.

Keith reigns supreme at the bar at Union, and pretty much does the same wherever else he moves his life. He is probably the only bartender I know who used to drive a cab (and there have been moments, upon departing Union late at night, when I wished he still did). He is definitely the only bartender I know to have shared a, uhhh...nice hot cup of tea and a scone with Allen Ginsburg. Ginsburg most certainly imparted much mixological wisdom to Keith. For example...

Ginsburg on sage advice for customers:

"Don't drink yourself to death."

On precision in making a cocktail:

"The measuring instrument determines the appearance of the phenomenal world (after Einstein)."

On conversation techniques with customers:

"Maximum information, minimum number of syllables."

On the nature and essence of bartenders:

"We are observer, measuring instrument, eye, subject, Person."

(All quotes taken from Ginsburg's poem, "Cosmopolitan Greetings," named after his favorite cocktail).

The Aristocrat Swizzle

1 ¾ oz gin
¾ oz lime
10 mint leaves
dash simple syrup
barspoon Chartreuse

muddle mint and syrup
add gin, lime
shake, strain into collins glass
top with crushed ice, stir
float Chartreuse

PHOTO BY ZANE HARRIS

Please, do not even ask us why this drink is called The Aristocrat Swizzle...and don't click on that hyperlink either! I'm serious!

Keith, Vous êtes le lauréat de poète de la génération de cocktail! Merci pour la belle boisson!

A Drink of Cinq: Andrew Bohrer

2008-10-01T20:51:00.000-07:00

Le Mixeur Cinq will be held on Saturday, October 4, at 8pm. The drink menu for the event is comprised of original creations of esteemed bartenders from Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco. Over the next week, we will be featuring a post on each of the contributors and their drink.

ANDREW BOHRER

Andrew est une énigme...Heard of him did I from another man named Andrew. Met him did I in some forsaken corner of the Carousel Bar in New Orleans. Would you perhaps think the Carousel Bar during Tales of the Cocktail might not be the place to maintain a low profile? If that be the case, perhaps know you not how Andrew comports himself.

Upon our return from New Orleans to Seattle, Andrew and I crossed paths again at his then place of work, 22 Doors. I bestowed upon him a gift of MP Roux. As I departed that evening, I glanced back towards the bar and witnessed him struggling to locate a shelf to house this unusually tall vessel, without success.

The following day, I received word he, like I, had departed 22 Doors, never to return. Puzzled, I queried him as to whether or not this was related to the absence of a suitable home for the Roux. He denied this to be the case, but...

Since that fateful eve, Andrew has been a drifter. The crew at Vessel is quick to claim him as one of their own, yet cannot pinpoint when he might actually tend their blessed bar. Odd missives emerged at one point from the man himself, proclaiming his occupancy of Tost Lounge, replete with intimations of flair bartending. Anonymous sources insist he is soon to be setting roots at a new classic cocktail bar on the wrong side of the lake, Bellevue.

Wherever he be, the indisputable truth is that Andrew conjures miraculous things, such as...

The Randy Baker

1 1/2 oz Martin Miller's Gin
1 1/2 oz St. Germain
1/2 a kiwi fruit
1 egg white

muddle kiwi
add ingredients and ice
shake and strain over ice into highball glass
top with champagne

PHOTO BY ZANE HARRIS

Some notes: This drink, as presented, is both overly faithful and unfaithful to Andrew's vision. We list above 1 1/2 oz St. Germain, yet we have decided to serve it at Le Mixeur Cinq with a mere 1 oz. And Andrew garnishes this drink with an orange peel cut into a rose. With an expected output of 50 or more, we shan't be providing such a aesthetically pleasing accompaniment. It looks and tastes beautiful even without.

Dieu être avec vous empereur noir, Andrew!

A Drink of Cinq: Kevin Diedrich

2008-09-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

Le Mixeur Cinq will be held on Saturday, October 4, at 8pm. The drink menu for the event is comprised of original creations of esteemed bartenders from Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco. Over the next week, we will be featuring a post on each of the contributors and their drink.

KEVIN DIEDRICH

Kevin Diedrich showed up at the doorstep of Bourbon and Branch one dark and rainy night in San Francisco, a stranger from the wiles of who knows where, a shoulder bag of bar tools slung over one arm, and a 1000 yard stare in his eyes. Instinctively, the staff on shift that night stepped aside and yielded the bar to him, and the course of everyone's lives changed.

Bourbon and Branch, which to that point had been specializing in over-sized, fruit infused vodka "tinis," changed their bar program that very same night, and became the Bourbon and Branch we all know and love today.

No one was ever quite sure where Kevin came from. Rumors sprung up that he'd honed his craft on the tough streets of Detroit, engaging in freestyle "battle mixes" late night in city parks or back alleys, where the loser would receive a serious beatdown from the crowd.

And then, just as soon as he'd arrived, he vanished one other dark and rainy night in San Francisco. No one is sure where he went to, but they say you might want to try Clock Bar Thursday through Monday nights. Some even say, if you head down to Bourbon and Branch and peer ever so hard into the candlelight, you can still see his spirit mixing drinks behind the bar there (and you're most likely to experience this phenomenon if you're there on a Tuesday or Wednesday...I don't pretend to understand the machinations of the supernatural).

(editor's note: pretty much everything you've just read is crap, except Kevin really does work at Clock Bar and sometimes still Bourbon and Branch, and he really is a supernatural force behind the bar)

Spiced Marmalade

2 oz gin
1 oz oj
dash of agave nectar
barspoon of orange marmalade
3-4 cloves

toast cloves lightly with a brulee torch
pound'em up
add rest of ingredients
shake and fine strain into cocktail glass
garnish with lemon twist

PHOTO BY ZANE HARRIS

We added a dash of Angostura Orange Bitters when making this, and we believe it will stay. I suggested we make one with and one without, and decide which was better. But Zane astutely pointed out that the drink with bitters in it would have bitters in it, whereas the drink without bitters in it would not have bitters in it, and therefore we could assume that the drink with bitters in it would be better.

Merci à Kevin pour votre esprit et votre voie avec spiritueux!

A Drink of Cinq: Lance Mayhew

2008-09-29T23:41:00.000-07:00

PHOTO BY ZANE HARRIS

Let me just add that the intellectual and moral satisfaction that I failed to gain from the utilitarianism of Bentham and Mill, the evolutionary methods of Marx and Lenin, the social contract theory of Hobbes, the 'back to nature' optimism of Rousseau, and the superman philosophy of Nietzsche, I found in the bartending of Lance.

(Editor's note: the author lifted this quote from Martin Luther King, who was referring to Gandhi, and not about the Mahatma's bartending abilities, but his non-violent resistance philosophy...but who are we to split hairs?)

Merci pour être avec nous, Lance!

.

A Drink of Cinq: Andrew Friedman

2008-09-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

pictured sans silly garnish
PHOTO BY ZANE HARRIS

Andrew has dedicated his life to ensuring that a substantial portion of the populace of Seattle reeks of whiskey and raw fish. Our advice to anyone reeking of whiskey and raw fish: seek out some sort of solitary pursuit, such as, I don't know, surfing the internet. Anyone know of a good place on the Hill with free wi-fi?

(Andrew is a true deviant and all-around dangerous human being)

editor's note: Et pourtant, Andrew est un vrai monsieur et un barman!

C. Mixeur: Saumuré dans vinaigre!

2008-09-10T07:47:00.000-07:00

(Editor's ACTUAL note: the ensuing comments attributed to"editor" and T.Mixeur and Mom Mixeur are, in fact, the internal dialogue continuously running through the mind of guest-blogger C.Mixeur, which he actually interprets as being conversations with others. We hope this provides the reader with some insight into C.Mixeur's peculiar brand of psychosis. For more insight, view the film "A Beautiful Mind," keeping in mind that in real life there are no Hollywood endings...sigh.)

Quel idiot a mis le vinaigre balsamique dans ma boisson?

For those Mixeurs (and Mixeuses) who have never experienced the ambrosia that is aged balsamic vinegar, C. Mixeur can only express his heartfelt sympathy. Break open the piggy bank, count out, um, well, $600, and get yourself a tiny bottle of Acetaia Leonardi Riserva Oro 100 year Balsamic Vinegar. You will not regret it, unless, of course, you care about such mundane things as paying your rent, eating, etc. I sure as hell don't care about those things. Ask my creditors.

OK, fine. You can get a rough approximation of the experience for a mere $45 per 250ml by seeking out a bottle of Villa Manodori Balsamic Vinegar. Some time ago, I bought a bottle myself at Di Laurenti's down at Seattle's Pike Place Market. That bottle had been gathering dust in my kitchen cupboard until last Wednesday when the ineffable Zane Harris, the best bartender (with the possible exception of one other guy) at Seattle's Vessel cocktail bar, changed everything.

I was entering my twelfth straight hour of intensive, grueling work that evening -- oh, OK, I was snooping around on Facebook after goofing off for several hours, so sue me -- when I received a highly confidential "status update" from Mr. Harris which he had posted for everyone on Facebook to see. In it he asked for suggestions for a "secret ingredient" with which to experiment that very evening at Vessel. Well, I can't speak for you, dear reader, but when someone says "secret ingredient" in the same sentence with "cocktail recipe," then the first word that leaps into my mind is VINEGAR. I mean, it's a great topping for ice cream and works well in espresso -- and boy does it do wonders for beef jerky! -- so why not cocktails? I'm surprised a dozen people didn't rush to suggest it.

[Editor's note: It is becoming increasingly obvious that C. Mixeur is from another planet and potentially dangerous. It is probably safe for you to continue reading this post, but try to avoid any sudden moves. Or, if your stomach is the nervous sort, please back away slowly and come back when it's safer.]

Um, excuse me, "T. Mixeur," if that really is your name, but you said I could make this guest post and you promised not to interrupt me. Now I don't interrupt your posts, so I expect you to keep your word.

[Editor's note: Um, sure, "C. Mixeur." Sorry. (Psst: just humor him. He'll go away eventually.)]

Hey! I can read, you know. Oh, never mind. Where was I? Right: vinegar. OK, long story short, I grabbed my bottle of Villa Manodori and hightailed it down to Vessel, where Zane was already holding court. It was a slow night, so we had plenty of time to experiment. Shortly after I arrived, the inbimnimable, the inimitminble, the, uh, the difficult-to-imitate Rocky Yeh showed up and together with Zane we formed what we called the "Brain Trust."

[Editor's note: That makes sense. Roughly 1/3 of a brain each equals one full brain... we trust.]

Shut up! You are completely throwing me off here. I'm getting all freaked out!

Right. Well, it turns out that aged balsamic vinegar mixes really well with lots of things. The first drink we came up with we called the:

Balsamic Tequila Thing

1 1/2 oz. tequila blanco
1/2 oz. aged balsamic
1/4 oz. raspberry liqueur (homemade)
1 dash Fee Brothers Aged Whiskey bitters

Stir and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Or was it a rocks glass?

That was pretty good, but we thought we could do better. At this point, a synapse in C. Mixeur's brain sprang to life after a long period of disuse, and he had what most people call "an idea." Why the hell am I speaking of myself in the third person? This blog drives me crazy. So it occurred to me, "This vinegar stuff would go well with bourbon." And guess what! I was so very right. Take that, T. "Mixeur."

[Editor's note: Dude, you're losing it.]

Mom!!? Ted keeps interrupting my Le Mixeur post!

[M. Mixeur note: Charles, you are almost 50 years old. Don't you think you should be able to work things out with your younger brother by yourself by now?]

[Editor's note: Heh, heh. Busted!]

Fine! Fine! FINE! So we put a quarter ounce of the aged balsamic in an ounce and half of bourbon (Woodford Reserve, if I remember correctly), and damned if it wasn't pretty stupendous all by itself. But the Brain Trust cannot leave well enough alone, so we threw in a quarter ounce of Amaro Nonino. That was pretty good, but later experimentation revealed that Cynar worked better, so now we have:

The Balsamic Bourbon Thing

1 1/2 ounce bourbon
1/4 ounce aged balsamic vinegar
1/4 ounce Cynar

Stir and strain into a chilled cocktail glass.

At this point Rocky chipped in with the suggestion that we mix the balsamic with Laphroaig, which frankly I thought was going to be really awful. But we're fearless folks, and after mixing one and a half ounces of Laphroaig with a quarter ounce of the aged balsamic, I was very surprised and had to admit that I'd been wrong. We had discovered something truly new! Laphroaig and aged balsamic vinegar is way fucking worse than any of us could ever have guessed! The extreme smokiness of the Laphroaig binds in some way with the sourness of the vinegar and creates what may be a sixth taste. [Note to food chemists: you saw it here first. If research bears out our finding, we propose to name this sixth taste sensation "blaargk," which is pronounced as the sound of a person expectorating or possibly vomiting.]

But good can come from bad, and Zane quickly stepped in to cover for Rocky's faux pas. [Look, Ted, real French! Happy now?] He suggested that we try a different scotch and I suggested Yamazaki 12 year single malt because, hey, we were drinking for free (heh, heh) and I'm not stupid. You might want to use Famous Grouse if a 12 year single malt seems wasted in a drink with vinegar, i.e. if you are not utterly insane. Thus we have:

The Balsamic Scotch Thing

[Editor's note: Are you fucking kidding me? I let you post to the blog and the best you can come up with is three drinks called the "Balsamic Thing"?]

Hey, man, why you always got to be bringing me down? Maybe it's a learning disability. You got a problem with that?

[Editor's note: Fine. Go ahead. But this is the last time you're posting to this blog for a long time.]

Ahem! As I was saying:

The Balsamic Scotch Thing

1 1/2 ounce of Scotch (try it with Famous Grouse)
1/2 ounce aged balsamic vinegar (we bumped it up a bit)
1 dash Angostura orange bitters (which makes everything really yummy!)

[Attention Angostura company: Make the check out to Charles F. Munat, please. Not Ted!]

Stir, strain, whatever.

Now at this point, with three drinks under our belt, we began to force other patrons in the bar to try them. To my right was the amazing Anu Apte and to her right was Anu's friend Hallie, who spent the whole night making sure that Anu didn't have to talk to me at all. Thanks, Callie. At the opposite end of the bar, and looking a bit nervous since we were between them and the door, sat Zoë and Aneal Gadgil, two people with very cool names, which is why we included them here. I am proud to report that all of these other patrons at the bar were astounded and amazed by the supreme deliciousness of our vinegar cocktails. Please send accolades and big checks to C. Mixeur, c/o Le Mixeur, Seattle, Washington. Cash works, too.

But the best was yet to come:

The Balsamic Flip! [Happy, Ted? It's not called the fucking "Thing."]

In a mixing glass add:

1 1/2 ounces of Cognac (Bourbon works, too)
1 whole egg
1/2 ounce aged balsamic vinegar
1/2 ounce Benedictine
1/2 ounce cream

Shake like hell! Strain into a cocktail glass and top with freshly ground nutmeg.

This one was so outstanding that Aneal and Zoë, who had been backing slowly towards the door while nodding vigorously, changed their minds and sat back down at the bar. Even Anu broke away from Hallie's spell and said three or four words to me, which, frankly, made the whole drinking vinegar thing worth it.

Then, I don't know, some people left. I wasn't really paying attention. Eventually, Zane closed the bar and we went over to Tini B... I mean, the secret bar that Jamie Boudreau works at and told him all about our experiments with aged balsamic vinegar and he, um, well actually he didn't look like he was very interested at all, really.

But then on Saturday, Zane and Anu threw a party at their super cool SoDo loft. Several hundred of Seattle's biggest movers and shakers were there. [Editor's note: Fewer than a dozen people showed up.] Bill Gates and Paul Allen showed up! [Editor's note: No they didn't.] And for several hours, some of the best cocktail geeks in Seattle, including Robert Hess, Jamie Boudreau, Jim Romdall, Andrew Friedman, Dave Nelson, and a couple of gate crashers from Vancouver, Bryant Mao and Shaun Layton, made and drank cocktails containing aged balsamic vinegar. And all thanks to me, me, me!

Fine. You can have your blog back now.

C. Mixeur watches as his friend of more than five years, Zac Jensen, reconsiders their friendship, Zane Harris looks on in disbelief, and Canadian Shaun Layton, unsure of what to do with a drink containing vinegar, decides to simply snort it directly up his nose.

Le Retour du Foragers!

2008-08-31T19:45:00.000-07:00

"T.Mixeur, you have Le Mixeur Cinq to prepare for. October 4th will come sooner than you would believe. Surely you do not have time to pursue such cherished, yet unrelated, endeavors as monitoring the life span of your beloved wild berries of the old growth forests!"

"Mon cher ami, it is for pursuits such as these that god created three day weekends. The third day of such weekends are when we may wander into the forest with utmost serenity, without forced effort or pretense, and find ourselves obeying the edict of the pre-Catholic, Monastic era Irish: Do Simple Things With Perfect Love."

Faites Des Choses Simples Avec L'amour Parfait.

The Hawthorne berries are ripe and ready to be picked along the sunny edge of the forest, looking out over Lake Washington. Competition for these berries is none, as they are mostly tasteless and feature only a thin layer of flesh encasing a large seed. Their benefits: a slight tangy tinge on each side of the tongue, a lingering tickle on the front, and powerful medicinal value to the heart...which we need to work well.

Yes, cherries grow wild here. Rainier Cherries. They are not ripe yet. A few weeks more. Then a full report.

These are unripe Evergreen Huckleberries. Some are ripe, these are not. Were we to throw Berry parties, Evergreen Huckleberries would be the staple. Sweet enough to satisfy any palate, complex enough to pacify palates of particular refinement. The Cointreau of the berry world, one might say.

The Salal berries have been lingering, ripe on their branches, for too long. They still will provide sustenance, but nothing in the way of flavor. See you next year, Salal. Thanks for all your hard work.

Alcohol is hard on the kidneys. Horse Tail is perhaps their most beloved salve. Horse Tail predates human kidneys by hundreds of millenniums. During all those years before we came along, how did it have the wisdom to know it would one day save us all?

Horse Tail needles fit neatly in my hip pouch pocket. Party in T.Mixeur's kidneys this eve!

Oregon Grape is everywhere right now. Everywhere. It is sour, bitter, astringent, filled with seeds, and oddly delectable.

And it was Oregon Grape, le O.G., that inspired me to turn all this foraging into a cocktail venture.

O.G. (Original Gangsta) Liqueur

6 oz Boca Loca Cachaca
1/4 cup Oregon Grape
teaspoon agave nectar

muddle grapes gently, add cachaca and agave, stir
let sit, covered, for two hours
strain out grapes with fine mesh strainer

And this was good. Why with cachaca? Call it a hunch. The grapes bled their juice into the cachaca, turning it purple. Yet the flavor of the grapes was subtle enough to not mask any of that cachaca sweet-funky.

Let's make a drink with it, shall we?

O.G. Ice-T

2 oz O.G. Liqueur
1/2 oz lime
1/2 oz ginger syrup
dash peach bitters

shake and strain into cocktail glass
garnish with a lemon twist

Here's what part of it looks like:

(T.Mixeur enjoyed a few sips before photographing...blush, blush)

Enough simple things and perfect love. There's a Mixeur to be planned.

Holy God In Heaven! It's Le Mixeur Cinq!!!!!!!!

2008-08-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

Yes, we know. We said we were "hangin' em up," never doing another Mixeur again.

There is of course, a reasonable explanation why we are going back on our word.

We are dirty, filthy, stinking liars.

Don't believe us? Just read our bio:

"That these two-bit charlatans have managed to gain the ear of some of the Northwest’s most notable mixologists only speaks to the persuasiveness of their lechery. In Finnegan’s Wake, Joyce draws inspiration from the story of Osiris, who was torn apart by his brother. One can only hope the same fate befalls these brothers and the cocktail world is spared further indignities. In the mean time, we urge all to avoid these scoundrels at all possible costs."

Not enough for you? Here's what Gary Regan himself had to say about T.Mixeur:

"This guy seems like a complete bastard. Let's stay well away from him."

And so without further ado or regard for past promises, we proudly present the triumphant return of, Le Mixeur...Cinq!

This Mixeur will be streamlined to four drink options. This Mixeur will feature the DJ concoctions of Andrew, member of acclaimed Seattle band Velella Velella. This Mixeur will be held at a new and exciting location - specifically, the loft of Zane Harris (bartender at Vessel) and Anu Apte (credentials too numerous to list in this space). Why would we hold a mixeur here? In a word:

Ooh la la! C'est très fantaisiste! C'est très chic! Le Mixeur Cinq is Le Mixeur fancy! Le Mixur Cinq is Le Mixeur Legit!

You, beloved reader, you past or future Mixer, must come to see us. You will come to see us. We know this to be true, because we will submit to you images that will program your psyche to associate Le Mixeur Fancy Legit Cinq only with happy things...warm fuzzy things...bliss.

Yes. You will come.

more to come...

T.Mixeur