Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Chartreuse Universe

In the words of the immortal Trouble Funk, "whatcha gonna do?"

And in the words of the immortal crowd at the Trouble Funk show, "Let's get small!"

Allow me to repeat...

"Whatcha gonna do?"
"Let's get small!"

Folks, let's gather at Rob Roy in Seattle this coming Monday evening the 12th of October, drink some Chartreuse, and get small.

Last time I drank Chartreuse I got tiny. No one could see me. It made me giggle.

Stream of consciousness interjection: In one of the most unexpected and possibly unwanted explosions of spontaneous publicity in the annals of cinematic gore-fest history, copious amounts of Chartreuse were consumed by the mind-blowingly creepy Quentin Tarantino and several nubile young women in Mr. Q's film, "Deathproof." As some of the nubile women choked and demanded to know what foul potion "Warren" had coerced them to consume, "Warren" simply cackled and proclaimed Chartreuse to be the only liquor so good they named a color after it. A few scenes later, the women's car was torpedoed by Kurt Russel's deathmobile, and the filmmaker treated us to several re-creations of the crash from a variety of angles in order to fully illustrate how their limbs were ripped from their bodies and organs dredged from their torsos.

Somewhere, off in the hills of France, a monk harvested herbs...

In honor of the late, great, stand-up career of Mr. Steve Martin, I always like to start off any blog post by writing one thing that is, in fact, impossible. And for tonight's impossible feat, I will bring the previous words on Deathproof and Trouble Funk and monks in hills full circle and explain how this is all relevant to discerning drinkers and fun seekers in the greater Seattle area. And I will do this with a mere 5 words. 5 precious words...

Jackie Patterson at Rob Roy

Jackie Patterson at Rob Roy. And Chartreuse president Jean Marc and Chartreuse brand ambassador Todd Richman as well. This will happen this coming Monday, October 12th, from 6-11pm. Trust me. You need to be here for this.

jackie p. sips the yellow stuff

I love Jackie. Sure, I could sit here and spill about her resume, her successes, her bona fides, and you'd no doubt sit back in your arm chair or bar stool (careful please when sitting back in bar stools) and say something pithy along the lines of "damn." But that's boring stupid shit I like to let other boring stupid people talk about. Instead let me illustrate in a way most me...

When I was 5, I was all set to head to my friend John's house. It had all been arranged by our parents. These days they'd call it a play date but in dem's days we called it chillin. As we prepared to depart, my feet turned cold and I told my mother I didn't want to go, as I feared John was too loud a person to make the day a success. Certainly I couldn't spend an afternoon with such a loud boy without negative ramifications. My mother said she was certain John couldn't be as loud as all that.

Feeling the urgency of the need to fully express to this woman exactly what laid in store for me should she sentence me to an afternoon with loud John, I explained to her as such: "If the sun and the moon could sing, John could sing louder."

Folks, the point is, should the sun and the moon bathe themselves in Chartreuse, then radiate and reflect all its herbal glory, they would be obscured by the shadows of what Ms. Jackie Patterson can and will do with the same resources at her disposal. And so, shunning sun and moon, Zane Harris and Anu Apte have asked Jackie to create a Chartreuse solar system, and it's axis will be ever so slightly behind that black, space-like bar at Rob Roy.

This solar system will involve drinks that found their origin in the light of Jackie for each form of Chartreuse - green, yellow, green V.E.P., yellow V.E.P., and elixir vegetal.

Stream of consciousness interjection: I wanna do shots of the elixir vegetal with Quentin and meet Kurt Russel in a field in Vauvert, settle this like men while the monks harvest herbs in the distance.

I love Chartreuse. Oh sure I could sit here and spill about the history of Chartreuse and it's bona fides and awards it probably won. But that's boring stupid shit I'll let other boring stupid people talk about. Let the greatness of Chartreuse be pronounced via two means:

1) the great Anu Apte created a drink based on my love of Chartreuse. It was called the TLC - Ted Loves Chartreuse - until I proclaimed my love for the TLC. At that point it was re-named the TLTLC - Ted Loves Ted Loves Chartreuse. I love the TLTLC. Which I would imagine makes it the TLTLTLC...and so Chartreuse and Anu and I go into infinity. Dig?


2 ounce rye
1/2 ounce green chartreuse
1/4 ounce apricot liqueur

stir and strain, hand to Ted

2) Left Coast Libations, that ground breaking book written by the amazingly non-terrestrial Ted Munat, aka me, features no less than eight (8) drinks with Chartreuse in them. Drinks range from tall, effervescent, tequila based drinks from Duggan McDonnell to stiff, rye-based drinks from Erik Hakkinen. Such is the versatility of the favored shot of Warren and the deathproof gals.

Here's one of my favorites, created by one my favorites, Mr. Kelley Swenson of ten01 in Portland, OR.


3/4 ounce green Chartreuse
3/4 ounce Cynar
3/4 ounce reposado tequila (Kelley often uses El Jimador, but Cazadores also works like a mutha fucka!)

stir and serve up, no garnish
a shared creation of Kelley and Timothy Davey of Beaker and Flask. The same drink with gin instead of tequila is also delicious and Kelley calls it a Broken Flower. I made it once at home and my mixing glass cracked and fell to pieces as I stirred. That's bad ass. And Kelley still owes me a mixing glass.

So please, come to Rob Roy this coming Monday, October 12th, round about 6pm. We don't care who you are or what you do, we don't care if you're poor or rich, guild or non-guild, left handed or right handed, Warren or nubile young woman. Whoever you are, we just want to create something beautiful for you. Can you just give us the pleasure of this one simple act? I'll be there cleaning up after Jackie, a task I seize with unmitigated passion. I am, for one night, custodian of this blessed Chartreuse stained universe.

Yeah. Come. See you there. Bye.


Unknown said...

I love you Ted.

Jenny Adams said...

I love you ted too. Er? that sounds weird. I feel funny.
Wish i could be there but outstanding blog post all the same.

T. Mixeur said...

I love you Zane.

I love you Jenny too. I don't care if it sounds weird. I'll shout it from the rooftops!

Actually I was shouting it from the rooftop last night but Zane and Anu made me come back inside.

C. Mixeur said...

Um, so there's some kind of Chartreuse event at Rob Roy on Monday, October 12th?

Jenny Adams said...

I'm sad i did not see you ONCE while you were here. I've been beating myself up about it since you left. No, literally .... I'm like fight club ... FUCK, i wasn't supposed to talk about fight club. Sigh.

T. Mixeur said...

Read between the lines C.Mixeur. Read between the lines!

Jenny stop hitting yourself. I'll come back soon and you can meet me at the airport this time.

Jenny Adams said...

Or you could find a brand to fly me out to Seattle to write about this. Remember the old days? When brands would just hand out plane tickets like chicklets? Hi Charles.

T. Mixeur said...

I sure do Jenny...I sure do.

Oh wait. No I don't. Brands bought you plane tickets? On an airplane? Oh wise one, you hath so much to teach me.

Jenny Adams said...

Yeah they did! Back in the good old days ... when people would go "oh?! you're a writer? that's so cool!"

... now they just go "ah, you're a writer? it's ok Jenny. I got lunch" and give me that look normally reserved for the rotweillers in cages at the humane society. Like "oh, i feel bad for you. here's a yummy bit of cookie - but i ain't touchin' that"

T. Mixeur said...

Mmmmm. Cookies.