Sunday, July 20, 2008

Flowing Bowl: A Recap of the Precap

What was left of the crowd (this is to mean what tattered remains remained of those who had not yet departed New Orleans, so in a sense to mean what was left of what was left of the crowd...I've lost you haven't I) showed up this "morning" (yes, 12:30pm is definitely morning, in fact early morning) to hunch over a big bowl (hey Ted, can you write more than three words without going to parentheses?).

I can and I will.

Not to worry, the bowl we refer to is actually a punch bowl, and it was filled with beautiful, cold, light and soothing punch. And I think some guys talked in the front of the room too. Not sure.

In actuality, I'm assuming this event has already been efficiently chronicled by some more organized and diligent blogger than myself. But seeing as this was one of the events I previewed and I have decided on my own that I should provide a reflection on those same events, I will contribute what I am best at contributing: random observations and irresponsible skewing of reality.

I'm happy to say that the tip I gave to David Wondrich, and wrote about in the preview of the Flowing Bowl, regarding the use of washing machines in making punch, made it into the presentation. In David's version of the story, it was not me, but rather the Queen of England who told him about this technique. He claimed to have done some research on it since, and found that the use of washing machines as punch makers originated in the late 1950s in Rockford, Illinois. As is always the case with drink history, the records are conflicting and murky, but they're pretty sure it was started by a guy named "Steve."

(Author's note: you're on your own to figure out what's true and what I'm making up this time. I'm not going to help you anymore and frankly I don't even know myself).

To set the record straight, here are the instructions on how to use a washing machine to make punch. It is a simple four step process.

  1. Set the machine to the agitation cycle, before the spin cycle but after the wash cycle. You don't want to have the wash cycle because then it will be watering down your hooch, and you don't want spin cycle because it will suck down all your hooch. These are both things you do not want to happen to your hooch. I wonder if I can figure out a way to use the word "hooch" one more time. There we go. If you are uncertain as to where to place the dial so it will not be pouring water into the machine, grab a pick, go out to your yard, dig in the yard until you find your water main and take that bad boy out. Now your hooch is safe.
  2. Now that you have your machine prepped, get all your ingredients ready, whatever they may be.
  3. At this point, it is absolutely essential that you reconsider what you are doing. Think about it. You are about to pour liquids that you intend to drink later into a fucking washing machine. Seriously dude. What the hell were you thinking? Go get a big salad bowl or something. Call someone to come fix your water main. Tell them to bring some beer.

And it's as simple as that!

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