If you live in Seattle, are visiting Seattle in the coming days, or are so filthy stinking rich you can just spontaneously fly places for the hell of it, then listen up: Seattle's the place to be on the 24th and 25th of January.
In case you've been on mars and haven't heard, Le Mixeur Chaton Ralph is tomorrow, Saturday 24th, at 8pm.
(editor's note: this event has been advertised on Mars)
OK, in case you've been on Neptune, there's a Mixeur going down! We are once again pleased to be joined in the venture by Martin Miller's Gin and Mr. Sir Most Honorable Jon Santer.
Current estimates of kitty cat Ralph's veterinary bills exceed $1000, and that is before a plan of treatment has been determined for the minor issue of his back legs not working right. No charity will be forthcoming from the veterinarian, who appears to be a ruthless, capitalist bastard.
(editor's note: It is redundant to surround the term "capitalist" with the defining terms "ruthless" and "bastard.")
I had a meaningful interaction with Ralph while at his house dropping off some supplies for his Mixeur. He was asleep on the bed, but when he saw me leaving he walked over to the door as if to say, "hey, the door's open! think I'll wander on outside!" I picked him up and put him back on the bed, as if to say "why don't you rest up there champ." He collapsed in a heap on the bed as if to say "that works too."
Speaking of ruthless, capitalist bastards, T.Mixeur is getting in touch with his inner one. This self-exploration will be reflected in the request for donations in the amount of $5 per drink (Les boissons ne sont pas pour des honoraires! Oh pas! Ce serait illégal! Donations seulement s'il vous plaît! Rien plus!). I do it for the kitty...trust me.
Le Boissons du Mixeur Chaton Ralph...
le fihi ma fihi – T.Mixeur's feral rosemary infused gin, homemade ginger syrup, homemade red wine cayenne syrup, fresh lemon juice, egg white. Served up in a cocktail glass. Created by T.Mixeur
lela! - vodka, pernod, homemade grenadine, homemade ginger syrup, fresh lemon juice. Served on the rocks in a high ball glass and topped with club soda. Created by T.Mixeur
la bicyclette – martin miller's westbourne strength gin, cinzano sweet vermouth, st. germain elderflower liqueur, peach bitters. Served up in a cocktail glass. Created by Jamie Boudreau of Tini Bigs
And then, as if this bacchanalia of boissons was not enough for one weekend to cement Seattle's reputation as the crown jewel of all things both literary and liquored, comes on Sunday an epic odyssey into the wide world of Absinthe. An official, sanctioned event of the Washington State Bartender's Guild - whereas Le Mixeur's for kitty cats are well beneath reproach for this elitist band of scallywags, this collection of masters in the art of pomposity, these cruel-hearted, vain coven of inebriates...
(editor's note: T.Mixeur is bitter that the gin he had hoped to scam for free is instead being used for the Absinthe event. T.Mixeur is also very immature.)
...the Absinthe event, as it has cleverly been coined, will be held at some loft where once great Mixeurs did be. Back in the salad days of Le Mixeur, before it fell into the disgrace of a house party for a cat with thyroid issues. Have you forgotten what we were like then, when we were still first rate, and the day came fat with an apple in its mouth? It's no use worrying about Time, but we did have a few tricks up our sleeves, and turned some sharp corners. The whole pasture looked like our meal, we didn't need speedometers, we could manage cocktails out of ice and water. I wouldn't want to be faster or greener than now if you were with me, O you, were the best of all my days.
(editor's note: T.Mixeur has lapsed into not only quoting Frank O'Hara poems, but poems that already have appeared on this blog. Please stand by while we correct the problem...thank you.)
For even more information on the Absinthe event, refer to Paul Clarke's blog. He's one of the co-leaders of the talk, so he should know all about it. Also refer to the WSBG web site. I will tell you that Paul and Gwydion Stone will be reprising the presentation they gave at Tales of the Cocktail last summer. Jim Meehan was part of that talk, but won't be with us on Sunday. As you might recall, Jim said something that rubbed Paul the wrong way during that talk, and Paul severely beat Jim with the muddler that Cabana Cachaca gave him at the blogger's reception. Jim and Paul have not worked together since.
(editor's note: this is a lie)
I will also tell you that absinthe tastings and absinthe cocktails will be served, with representtives from Marteau, Trillium, St. George, Pacifique, Lucid, Leopold Brothers, Taboo, and Fat Tommy's Jug o' Flamin' HOOCH-sinthe on hand.
(editor's note: ....ah, never mind. it sort of goes without saying, doesn't it?)
And I will tell you that tickets must be purchased in advance, and are $25 for the event or $99 for a guild membership, which brings with it free admission to this and other events. Tickets can be bought at Tini Bigs, Sun Liquor, Liberty, Vessel, Barrio, or stubhub.com
I could tell you all that, but then again I just lifted all that from Paul's site anyway, so you might as well go there and read it written with clarity and without annoying interruptions from a meddlesome editor.
(editor's note: ...nothing really to report...just messing with his head)
Everyone I know who is associated with this "Absinthe Event" is accosting me to buy tickets with the verve normally witnessed in crackheads trying to raise funds to pay off a debt to the mafia, while at the same time insisting that space is "extremely limited." I don't know if the guild has been holding classes on high pressure sales techniques and psychology, but I for one do not appreciate how these mixed messages tinker with my sensitive, almost feminine-like emotions. I for one have no intent of attending this event...unless of course I somehow manage to embezzle $25 from Ralph's veterinary fund Saturday night. If that happens, see you there! Wish me luck!