Or A+Z=RR if you ARE into the whole brevity thing...
(Editor's full disclosure: the author has long been engaged in a torrid yet platonic love affair with Anu Apte and Zane Harris, and therefore proclaims no semblance of objectivity with regards to the following report...We would also endeavor to mention that the following report will be devoid of journalistic integrity, but for those of you who have so much as stolen a glimpse of this blog in the past, this disclaimer would seem to be redundant at best, moronic at worst.)
That all said...
Anu Apte and Zane Harris are the two greatest bartenders on planet earth, the world's two greatest visionaries with regards to how to create the perfect bar, and nothing short of gods in the realm of pleasing their customers. It is therefore a foregone conclusion that a trip to a bar owned by these two warriors for all that is good and sacred will certainly, without variation, provide one with an orgiastic experience so transcendent in its sublimity and so lubricious in its boundlessness, that it will undoubtedly leave one quivering and quaking with unmitigated joy, alternating moments of doubt at one's ability to withstand such delight with rapturous yieldings to the wise, benevolent force that is so much greater than all of us: Anu and Zane.
So, isn't it a stroke of good luck then that they got their own damn bar?
After many fits and starts and highs and lows and maniacal cackling and hysterical sobbing and visions and nightmares and pink fluffy bunnies with fangs and clowns on acid and beat poets playing rugby and unleavened bread dipped in chutney and crazy old ladies with baguettes and packets of mayonaise eating on city buses and victimless crimes involving domesticated bison and many other things too numerous to list in this space...Anu and Zane finally own Motherfuckin Rob Roy!
(Editor's note: "motherfuckin" was added by the author for dramatic effect. The name of the bar is simply "Rob Roy.")
So where's that leave us?
Tonight Anu and Zane will be debuting a new cocktail menu made up entirely of classics such as the Gin Sling and Old Fashioned, with utmost attention to details and the proper making of each drink. This menu will only be a stopgap, however, until they unleash a full cocktail BOOK. This BOOK will be thrust upon the populace after a period of renovation is completed, most likely at the end of this month/beginning of the next. The "rich uncle's basement bar," or "70s playboy lounge" or "freaky Belltown condo-owning perv" feel of the space will be kept, with a few upgrades and repairs. The bulk of the renovations will be behind the bar, including a rebuild of the wells, removal of the beer taps, removal of the soda guns, new glassware, and a brand stinkin' new Kold Draft Ice machine.
(editor's note: "stinkin" is a slang term. The Kold Draft machine will, in fact, be odorless)
There will be many more updates and revelations to come. Stay tuned...
In the mean time, get thee to Rob Roy at 2nd and Battery in Seattle. Things will only get better and better with each passing day and each improvement made, so upon arrival consider yourself on a launch pad. Lasso that rocket and ride it like you were Slim Pickens in Dr. Strangelove with the film going in reverse!
Oh and order mucho cocktails while you're lassoing there, Tex.